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Do You Feel Used and Unappreciated in Your Relationship Or Marriage?
By Jack Ito Ph.D.
Is there such a thing as giving too much? How can we decide what to do and not do for our partner? If you feel like you are always giving and not receiving, you may be giving too much. That sacrificial love of yours may actually be doing more harm than good. But how can you decide what to do and what not to do?
Should we just do the things we want to do? There are many things that we do for our partners that we don't want to do. Washing the dishes, taking out the trash, or going to work may be among them. If we stop doing these things, serious problems will result. Work is a necessary part of any relationship.
The unpleasantness of a task has little to do with the relationship. Usually, as soon as the work has been done, we are able to forget about it and move on. If you work for a company and they give you a paycheck, you don't keep thinking about last week's work. But, if they don't pay you, then you will feel cheated and used. Although not a job, we all have expectations of our partners. When these expectations are not met, we can feel used and cheated.
Loving sacrifice is not "loving" if it causes us to feel resentful or it adds to our feeling that our relationship is unfair. People have an inner sense of what is fair and when we start feeling things are unfair, we had better take action before it gets worse. Resentment, or that sense of unfairness , creates emotional distance and emotional distance kills relationships.
What actions can we take when we feel like we are giving much and getting little?
1. We can stop doing acts of meaningless sacrifice. What you are doing to show love to your partner may not even be important to your partner. Although it is something you might appreciate if your partner did it for you, it may not be part of your partner's love language. Not everyone wants a box of chocolates or to hear "I love you" at the end of every phone call. If doing things for your partner makes you resent your partner, then stop doing them!
2. We can tell our partner what we want. Most of the time we don't get what we want because we don't ask for what we want. What may seem like second nature to you may not even occur to your partner. If you are afraid to ask for what you want, then that is an assertiveness issue on your part. Thinking that you shouldn't have to ask may make you feel justified, but it won't help you to get what you want.
3. Negotiate. Negotiation is a normal part of any long term relationship. Negotiating everything could be a sign or trouble, but not negotiating at all is a sign of poor communication. Your partner and you have some different needs. "I'll pick up the kids tonight if you will make dinner," or "We can watch a movie you want this time if I can pick next time." Partners who were only children and who were pampered by their parents sometimes don't learn this kind of give and take. Making it explicit is a low conflict way to help yourself and your partner.
4. Use a mental or written checklist. When you are feeling resentful, ask yourself these questions:
1) Am I doing something that is really necessary?;
2) Have I let my partner know what I want or am I expecting my partner to "guess" what I want?; and
3) Have I tried negotiating this activity? If your answers are "no" to these questions, then you are being worse to yourself than your partner is.
A relationship, a true partnership, is many things. It is not purely emotional because there are many practical demands. It is not purely a matter of responsibilities because a relationship is not a just a job. It is not only a matter of management because a relationship is not just a business. However, a successful long term relationship has aspects of all three of these things: emotional, practical, and organizational. Using skills that pertain to these three components are vital to its success.
Relationship coaches teach more than 30 different skills related to relationship success. The extent to which you learn and use these skills is the extent to which your relationship can improve. Even learning one can make the difference between a relationship that gradually fades and one that stays vibrant. What you do today will determine what you get tomorrow.
Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. Since 1994 he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships.
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Have a baby after Depo-Provera
Looking to get pregnant quickly after Depo-Provera is quite difficult. Simply ask anyone who's been on it. Simply put i was, making this a subject matter near and dear to my heart...
First, let me explain what Depo-Provera is. Depo-Provera is known as a synthetic progesterone shot that is given once each and every 90 days to stop pregnancy from taking place. What the shot really does is keep the body in a prolonged state of pseudo-pregnancy, and therefore depo provera forces one's body believe that it's pregnant. The simple truth is, progesterone is the hormone produced following release of an egg. It's the hormone which will keep a person's menses from starting, and additionally sustains pregnancy. As a result of getting the shot every 90 days, your body stays saturated with the progesterone and thus no ovulation occurs. For that reason, your cycles discontinue until you decide to go off the dose. That's where the down sides commence.
Back in the day, Depo-Provera came to be like the modern magical drug. Depo rendered an individual ninety nine.9% in fertile until such time as users didn't need to be. Gynecologists would convince you a person's fertility cycle would restart within a couple of months of missing the following injection, and if not, they would just give you a reverse hormone shot to kick your cycles back up. The things they didn't reveal was indeed the infertility problems that ensued, and the detox side effects that we would go through whilst you came off. Excessive hair loss, false signs of being pregnant, intermittent menstrual cycles, menstrual cycles every fourteen days, and frequently not getting your cycle back at all. Many women waited more than a year to have their fertility cycles again, and as they did restart, these were infrequent at best. Most of the time though, they resume a regular routine.
But the most important thing to not forget is simply not to try to become pregnant too soon after your actual menstrual cycles resume. The reasons why?
You will observe that after your fertility cycles continue, you have rounds of infrequent menstrual spotting and bleeding. There does exist a good reason for this. You see, because of having ovulation discontinued for all that time, the lining of the womb can become very thin. There have been little or no cycles to remove the lining which would be your menstrual cycle. That lining is what sustains pregnancy. It needs to be deep enough for a fertilized ovum to burrow inside of it to preserve a pregnancy. In the event that the lining isn't thick enough, even when you were fortunate enough to fertilize an egg, it's likely that chances are that you possibly can miscarry. The main reason that you've got intermittent spotting until your menstrual cycles regulate after stopping the shot is that your body is attempting to thicken that lining naturally. Because of this, your system would definitely retain a pregnancy if it were to occur.
When your cycles choose to become regular as before, you will need to get started on charting and temping. You take your temperature each and every morning upon waking before stepping out of bed, and you record it on a temperature graph. The first fourteen days or so of your fertility cycle, your temperature is usually about half a degree lower than the 2nd part of your cycle. Right before ovulation, your basal body temperature drops a couple of points, and just after ovulation, it goes up almost a degree. By doing this regularly, you are able to see on which day of your menstrual cycle that you typically ovulate. By knowing what day you ovulate, you're able to easily time sex to increase your chances of becoming pregnant in any given cycle. There are a number of other signs that your body will give you to show that ovulation is getting ready to occur, and you will learn these along the way.
Now that you know which cycle day that you ovulate on, all you want to do is have sexual intercourse once each day during the 5 days before and the day of ovulation. Sperm are able to stay alive up to 5 days in a female's body, so sex even five days before ovulation happens can result in conception. But it is important to remember not to have having sex more than once a day, as that will lessen the man's sperm count. (It's actually not always as effortless to become pregnant as you suspect!) Yes, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing!
The most crucial thing to remember is to relax. Emotional stress also can hold off ovulation, which is defeating your procedure here. And be patient! Getting this done took me an entire twelve months to get my menstrual cycles back, then another 8 months to become pregnant, but we now have a beautiful three-year-old child to always be proud of. If your cycles don't restart within a year, speak to your health care doctor to make certain that there is nothing else going on with your body..
Christine Gerbehy is the author of many blogs, including http://notjustanothermommyblog.com and http://dieselonlife.com. She's proud wife to Jack, and proud mommy to Reilly. Watch for her new book "Get Pregnant After Depo Provera," coming soon... In the meantime, here's a GREAT book if you're having a hard time getting pregnant: http://bit.ly/byxLeB
There are actually several ways to say I love you even with the absence of words. Remember that action speaks louder than words. Words may not be enough to show someone you love him or her.
This article may give great ideas as it reveals three ways to say I love you even without words:
Let go of your past - One way to say I love you even with the absence of words is to let go of your past. When you completely let go of your past, you are actually telling him how much you love him or her. When you are tied up with your past, you are just giving him or her doubtful thoughts regarding your true feelings. When the person you love learns and feels you have completely forgotten your past, you are actually telling him or her I love you.
No comparisons - Another way to say I love you even with the absence of words is to never have comparisons. Do not compare him or her to anybody; especially with your ex. Always make him or her feel that she is special and a unique individual, and that you love him or her for who she is. When you make that person feel that he or she is incomparable, you are actually silently telling him or her I love you.
Accept flaws and weaknesses - This is one of the best ways to say I love you even with the absence of words. You do not actually demand for a person to change if you love him or her. You accept the person for who she or he is, and cover up the weaknesses. This is one of the greatest ways to say I love you.
Saying I love you may not be enough. Consider these three ways and let that someone feel how much you love them!
Elizabeth is a passionate writer. She has been writing online articles for three years now. You can check out her latest article jeans pants and compression pants on her website.