Conversation killers in relationships

Conversation killers in relationships

There is no question that hostile verbal attacks or emotional shutdowns wreak havoc on conversations and the relationship as a whole. There are numerous, more subtle mistakes couples make when conversing. In fact, partners don't often recognize when they are making these blunders. Here are a few of the most common conversation killers in relationships:

* Minimizing the other's feelings. You minimize a partner's feelings when you convey the idea that he or she is wrong to feel a certain way. "Don't be so upset... I can't believe you are getting so angry...You are making a big deal out of nothing... You are too emotional etc." Your partner may be overreacting; however, it is better to ask questions such as "Why do you feel that way?" than to automatically judge the other's feelings as unnecessary or wrong.

* Hasty reassurances. Statements like "I'm sure you'll do fine... Don't worry about it... Everything will turn out fine" and so forth, may sound reasonable but can come off as dismissive. It looks as if you are just trying to get the conversation over with.

* Parental comments. Anything you say that comes off as a scolding or conveys the idea that you "know best" will not be appreciated. It shows a lack of respect for the other's opinions. If your partner feels talked down to, you're coming off as a parent.

* Childish comments. Do you whine? Do you have temper tantrums or stomp your feet when you don't get your way? Do you pout? Ask yourself how emotionally old you feel at such times. Act mature.

* Silence. Making comments such as "Uh huh... Interesting ... Wow... Tell me more" and so on indicate that you are really listening. Nonverbal indicators are important, too, such as eye contact or a gentle touch.

* Hearing the words but not understanding the message. Don't nitpick about details you disagree with and overlook the main concerns that your partner might have. Don't get bogged down on the fine points of a disagreement.

* Making "Hurry up!" comments or gestures. Trying to get your partner to speed through his or her comments conveys impatience. Maybe you're partner is talking too long or not getting to the point. But acting impatient won't help. An honest and respectful way to respond might be, "Can you tell me what your main concern is first and then you can fill in all the details? You're saying quite a lot. Can we take your points one at a time

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Self esteem in a relationship

Self esteem in a relationship

The Effect of Self-Esteem on Romantic Relationships - Based on Recent Psychology Research

By Liv Miyagawa

Self-esteem, a sense of personal value, affects every aspect of our lives. Our level of self-esteem influences the way we see the world and how we interpret each situation we find ourselves in. Self-esteem is therefore crucial for our everyday well-being, but yet few people are aware of its importance. We complain about not achieving the results we want in our careers, with our bodies or with our friends. Most of all, we complain when our most intimate relationships do not work the way we would like them to. In these situations it is easy to blame our partners, but perceived relationship difficulties may instead be due to our own low levels of self-esteem. Without a high level of self-esteem, romantic relationships can become frightening disappointments rather than sources of security, support and happiness.

Mental wellbeing

Flourishing relationships are to a large degree dependent of positive moods and attitudes of the partners involved. For example, Srivastava, McGonigal, Richards, Butler and Gross (2006) found that optimism is an important contributor to relationship long-term success and satisfaction. Unfortunately, people with low self-esteem experience negative emotions more often than people with high self-esteem (Conner & Barrett, 2005; Wood, Heimpel, & Michela, 2003), and they are less motivated than people with high self-esteem to repair their negative moods (Heimpel, Wood, Marchall, & Brown, 2002). Likewise, low self-esteem individuals have poorer mental and physical health, worse economic prospects, and higher levels of criminal behaviour, compared with high self-esteem individuals (Trzesniewski, Brent Donnellan, Moffitt, Robins, Poulton, & Caspi, 2006). In contrast, high self-esteem promotes happiness, mental health (Taylor & Brown, 1988) and life satisfaction (Kwan, Harris Bond, & Singelis, 1997). Thus, at least a moderate level of self-esteem seems to be a prerequisite for healthy human functioning, which in turn is a prerequisite for prospering romantic relationships.

Selection of partner

Level of self-esteem seems to be implicated, not only in how we behave in our relationships, but also in our selection of partners. By comparing participants' attachment style dimensions, Collins and Read (1990) found that individuals tend to be in relationships with partners who share similar feelings about intimacy and dependability on others. However, people do not simply choose partners who are similar on every dimension of attachment. For example, individuals with low self-esteem and high levels of attachment anxiety do not choose partners who share their worries about being abandoned. Similarly, Mathes and Moore (1985) argued that individuals with low self-esteem seek to fulfill their ideal selves by choosing partners who they believe have the qualities they lack. Consequently, people choose partners with attachment styles that compliment their own.

Coping with problems

Level of self-esteem affects the kind of personal feedback people seek. On the one hand, some studies have found that people prefer to interact with others who view them as they view themselves. Hence, individuals with high self-esteem seek positive feedback and therefore prefer to interact with people that see them positively, whereas people with low self-esteem seek negative feedback and therefore prefer to interact with people that see them less positively (e.g. Swann, Griffin, & Gaines, 1987; Swann, de la Ronde, & Hixon, 1994). On the other hand, Bernichon, Cook and Brown (2003) found that high self-esteem participants seek self-verifying feedback even if it is negative, but low self-esteem participants seek positive feedback, even if it is not self-verifying. The truth behind these conflicting findings seems to be that people with low self-esteem are more hurt by negative feedback and therefore try to avoid it. However, to successfully avoid negative feedback they first have to find it, and they therefore constantly look out for it. For example, Brown and Dutton (1995) found that personal failures make low self-esteem participants feel worse compared to high self-esteem participants, probably because low self-esteem participants are less apt than high self-esteem participants to use effective coping mechanisms such as making external attributions for their failures (Blaine & Crocker, 1993) or emphasise their strengths in other domains (Dodgson & Wood, 1998). Furthermore, people with low self-esteem tend to over-generalise the negative implications of failure (Brown & Dutton, 1995), and they are more likely to make internal, global, and stable attributions when they encounter negative life events (Tennen, Herzberger & Nelson, 1987). As a result, people with low self-esteem adopt a more self-protective approach to life by aiming to avoid negative feedback.

This self-protective attitude and lack of appropriate coping mechanisms have important implications in romantic relationships. As people with low self-esteem are less able to cope with negative feedback, they are also less able to cope when problems arise in their relationships. In three studies, Murray, Rose, Bellavia, Holmes, & Kusche (2002) led participants to believe that there was a problem in their relationships. Although the methods for doing this are questionable for the first two studies, the last study led participants to believe that their partners (who were physically present) spent an excessive amount of time listing qualities in the target participants that they disapproved of. As indicated on questionnaires completed after this threat inducement, low self-esteem participants read too much into the perceived problems, seeing them as signs that their partner's affections were waning. In contrast, participants with high self-esteem showed increased confidence in their partners' continued acceptance. The authors thus concluded that people with low self-esteem perceive signs of rejection too readily when threatened by relatively mundane difficulties in their relationship. A suggested reason for this is that low self-esteem individuals' occasional failures activate an ever-present worry that their partners will eventually discover their "true" selves and their affections might then diminish. This way in which low self-esteem individuals over-generalise consequences of minor difficulties apparently inhibits the development of trusting relationships. These findings therefore indicate how important self-esteem is for successful romantic relationships.

Protection against rejection

Murray et al. (2002) found that low self-esteem participants reported less positive views of their partners and diminished feelings of closeness after perceiving a threat to the relationship. Instead, high-self esteem participants coped with the problem by embellishing the positive qualities of their partners and drawing closer to the relationship. The same results were found by Murray, Holmes, MacDonald, & Ellsworth (1998). Consequently, it seems that people with low self-esteem attempt to protect themselves against potential rejection by devaluing their partners and thus downplaying the significance of what they stand to lose. By finding faults in their partners, the prospect of rejection appears less threatening because the partner is now seen as less desirable (Murray et al., 1998; Murray et al., 2002). Obviously, this strategy of coping with difficulties has detrimental effects on relationships. It is therefore understandable that dating partners of low self-esteem individuals report decreasingly positive perceptions of their partners, less satisfaction and greater conflict as their relationships progress (Murray, Holmes & Griffin, 1996). By devaluing their partners, low self-esteem individuals may thus bring about the end of the relationship, which is what they are trying to protect themselves against.

Interestingly, in the study by Murray et al. (1998) it was also found that low self-esteem participants devalued their partners and doubted their partners' affections after an experimental manipulation intended boost to self-esteem. The authors suggested that this phenomenon might be because when low self-esteem participants received positive feedback (high scores on a questionnaire said to measure how considerately they behaved towards their partners) they activated thoughts of conditionality. In other words, low self-esteem participants might have started to think that their partners' continued acceptance was dependent on their possession of specific virtues, rather than who they are intrinsically. This hypothesis is supported by findings by Schimel, Arndt, Pyszczynski, and Greenberg (2001), who found that positive social feedback based on what one considers to be intrinsic aspects of oneself reduces defensive reactions (such as distancing oneself from a negatively portrayed other), whereas positive social feedback based on one's achievements does not. Thus, well-meaning attempts to soothe insecurities in low self-esteem partners by pointing to their virtues may instead exacerbate the insecurities.

The ways in which people with low self-esteem react to self-esteem threats can also be understood in terms of the sociometer theory (Leary et al., 1995). A threat to their self-esteem indicates a threat of social exclusion, and thus requires measures to eliminate this threat. As a result, individuals devalue their partners and distance themselves from them to make a potential rejection less threatening. This theory is also supported by the types of feedback people with high and low self-esteem seek following a threat to their self-esteem. As demonstrated by Vohs and Heatherton (2001), high self-esteem individuals seek feedback relating to their personal competence (e.g. intelligence) after a threat, whereas low self-esteem individuals seek feedback relating to whether or not others accept them. High self-esteem individuals become more independent after a threat, but low self-esteem people become more interdependent. Hence, level of self-esteem influences people to focus on different self-aspects after a self-esteem threat, so that high self-esteem individuals focus on personal aspects and low self-esteem participants focus on interpersonal self-aspects. However, although the sociometer theory states that a threat to self-esteem indicates a threat of exclusion, it does not say that people with low self-esteem automatically feel excluded when they encounter a self-esteem threat. Feelings of exclusion lead to lower self-esteem, but low self-esteem may not necessarily lead to feelings of exclusion, merely the anticipation of feeling it. For example, Leary et al. (1995) only found that exclusion leads to lower self-esteem and that perceived exclusion and low self-esteem are correlated. They did not demonstrate that low self-esteem leads to perceived exclusion. Consequently, it seems that low self-esteem per se may not necessarily make individuals feel excluded, but by constantly anticipating it, individuals with low self-esteem react in ways that eventually make their partners more likely to reject, and thus exclude, them.

The anxieties that low self-esteem individuals hold about being rejected can also be understood in terms of their anxious or avoidant adult attachment styles. Adult attachment researchers, such as Collins and Read (1990) and Srivastava and Beer (2005), have found that low self-esteem is correlated with high levels of attachment anxiety and avoidance. Anxious and avoidant adult attachments are thought to spring from inconsistent or avoidant care-giving throughout childhood, during which individuals learnt that love and support is not constantly available. Participants with these attachment styles therefore have relationships marked by emotional highs and lows, jealousy, and either less intimacy or obsessive preoccupation with their partners as they are afraid of losing them. People with secure attachments styles, on the other hand, have relationships characterized by happiness, trust, and friendship (Collins and Read, 1990). Hence, the insecurities and consequent inadequate coping strategies demonstrated by low self-esteem participants in the studies by Murray and her colleagues (e.g., Murray et al., 1998; Murray et al., 2002) may be due to anxious or avoidant attachments established during their childhoods. Attachment styles of partners in a relationship also predict relationship satisfaction. Collins and Read (1990) found that greater anxiety in women was associated with lower satisfaction in their male partners. Because anxious women are less trusting and more jealous, their partners feel more restricted and therefore less satisfied. In contrast, women showed higher satisfaction when their men were comfortable with closeness and intimacy. Men are often stereotyped as less comfortable with intimacy, so a man's willingness to become close may be particularly valued by women (Collins and Read, 1990).

Perceptions of partner's affections

People with low self-esteem assume that their partners see them in the same negative light as they see themselves. Consequently, they cannot understand why their partners would love them. On the other hand, people with high self-esteem assume that their partners see them as the great people they believe themselves to be, and their partners' affections are therefore no mystery to them. In a study by Murray, Holmes and Griffin (2000), couples described themselves, their partners and how they thought their partners saw them. The results revealed that low self-esteem participants dramatically underestimated how positively their partners saw them. Participants who underestimated their partners' regards also had more negative perceptions of their partners. The converse was found for high self-esteem individuals. Consequently, perceived regard seems to be the link between self-esteem and relationship satisfaction, so that self-esteem influences perceived regard and perceived regard influences relationship perceptions. However, it seems that even low self-esteem individuals want to be positively seen by their partners. For example, Murray et al. (1996) found that individuals are happier in their relationships the more positively their partners see them. Thus, although low self-esteem individuals wish to be positively regarded by their partners, their own negative self-perceptions prevent them from feeling this positive regard.

To get a clearer understanding of this issue, Murray et al. (2005) investigated the effects of pointing out strengths in the self or flaws in the partner. For example, when low self-esteem participants were led to believe that their personality traits fit easily with many potential partners, and hence, were in high demand, they reported higher self-perceptions, greater security in their partners' positive regards and more commitment to the relationship. This finding is interesting because it goes against earlier findings by Murray et al. (1998). As discussed earlier, these researchers found that pointing out specific virtues in low self-esteem individuals made these individuals doubt their partner's affections, probably because they felt that their partners' positive regard was dependent on their continued possession of certain virtues. The reason why the first study found different results seems to be because they focused on specific personal strengths (considerateness) rather than on general interpersonal strengths (more intrinsic characteristics) as in the later study.

Furthermore, Murray et al. (2005) found that low self-esteem participants felt better about themselves and valued their partners and their relationships more when flaws in their partners were pointed out. As a result, this study suggests that the reason why low self-esteem people underestimate their partners' affections is not necessarily only because they assume that their partners see them as they see themselves, but also because they feel inferior to their partners. That is, seeing faults in their partners gives low self-esteem individuals reason to expect greater tolerance from their partners of their own faults. Moreover, by emphasising own interpersonal virtues, the feeling that the partner is out of their league diminishes. Perceived security in a partner's continued positive regard and commitment thus depends on the perception that each partner is bringing comparable personal strengths and weaknesses to the relationship.

Conclusion

Self-esteem plays a very important role in romantic relationships. People with low self-esteem experience more negative emotions, whereas people with high self-esteem experience more happiness and life satisfaction. Level of self-esteem influences who we select as partners and how we view them. Individuals who have negative perceptions of themselves also have more negative perceptions of their partners. Also, because they feel inferior, they cannot see any reason to why anyone would like them. Low self-esteem individuals therefore doubt that their partners actually love them, and consequently they take minor relationship difficulties or failures as signs that their partners' affections are waning and that they will put an end to the relationship. At the face of such problems, people with low self-esteem distance themselves from their partners and devalue them even further, because the prospect of rejection becomes less threatening if the partner is seen as less desirable. On the other hand, people with high self-esteem value their partners more highly and even in situations of difficulties they maintain their confidence in that their partners will continue to love and support them. Consequently, low self-esteem poses a serious threat to successful relationships.

For more information about self-esteem and how you can raise your self-esteem, visit my website!

Liv Miyagawa - The Self-Esteem Coach

Liv Miyagawa, The Self-Esteem Coach, helps people all over the world to raise their self-esteem and to reach their personal goals. She opens people's eyes to their own strengths and helps them to figure out what it really is that they want to get out of life. Liv helps people to find out exactly what steps they need to take to reach their goals, and she supports them and motivates them on their journey towards a more fulfilling future.

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What men want in women

What men want in women

What Men Want In A Woman: Positive Women

Author: Jack Keys

What men want in a woman is someone who is positive in life. This isn't another article about telling you how to see the glass as half-full, it's more so an article that explains why men need a woman who is positive. If she is positive about her outlook in life, as well as how she feels about herself, the man will shower her with affection naturally. There's nothing you can't love about a woman who's positive, unless she's unnaturally positive all the time. Here are three aspects of life your husband wants to see that you're more positive about.

1. Yourself

You can't love anyone who doesn't love themselves. Some women simply can't take it if they give themselves praise. They think that by praising themselves, they're relaxing, or dropping their guard.

What's so attractive about a woman who's on guard all the time? My sister is an example of someone who is never happy with herself. Whatever you have, someone else might kill to have.

2. What you own

There are plenty of women out there who wish that they have more than what they currently own. They either express their wishes to their husbands, or they simply envy other women who have more than they do.

Like I said in the previous post, you have a lot that many women would never even have the chance to own. By realizing this and being more appreciative of what you have, you will start emitting vibes that make you easier to love. That's also how the abundance mindset works!

3. Us! (your husband)

Us guys aren't perfect. You did get married to us, so can you remember why you married us? If you can't remember, just realize that plenty of women out there die alone. Would you be happy dying alone?

Of course you wouldn't. No one would. If you're more positive, hopefully you're come to appreciate us more too. Maybe the reason that you're not getting much love from us is because you're simply taking us for granted.

What men want in a woman is someone who's positive. She appreciates us for what we are, what she owns and her own assets. Women who can do this are easier to love. If you think that you're not positive enough, just take a trip to some of the seedier parts of your town. Or if you get the change to go to a third-world country, that will open up your eyes.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/what-men-want-in-a-woman-positive-women-4833690.html

About the Author

Which is better: relationship advice from a woman who's had a lot of experience with men, or having the man of your dreams tell you exactly what you have to do to never make him look at another woman ever again?

The second thing is too good to be true, but if you visit http://HerSecretWeapon.com, you'll learn something just as powerful: the ability to find out what you're doing that's making men not want to be close to you.

I've also got a short, 13-page report up at http://JackKeys.com that will show you 10 ways to stop your man from leaving you for someone better. But be quick... these links might have to be removed soon and I can't promise that they'll be there tomorrow.

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What makes a healthy relationship

What makes a healthy relationship

Simple Advice on Healthy Relationships: It Only Takes Eight Things To Succeed

Author: Eightcow Relationship

When it comes to building and maintaining a healthy relationship, a certain amount of compromise and sacrifice needs to be made by both parties. This is not something that's hard or arduous; it's made in the spirit and feeling of loving a person to the point where you want to be the best person you can be for the other person. It means that changing and sacrificing a "me first" attitude for a "we first" feeling is the most natural thing around.

While love may happen in an instant, it feels like a massive dose of the drug "emotion". It can bowl you over in feeling the warmth and comfort of being with the other person. This feeling can last a lifetime, but its sustainability can come with "I'm sorry's" when things go awry, no resentment and blending of two things that are both pragmatic and fanciful. It will always lead to positive actions so that there are no regrets for missed opportunities.

Healthy relationships have give and take. While first love is highly charged and emotional, true, lasting love is series of quiet giving from each person involved in the relationship. It melds two people together around their strengths and weaknesses. Where one is weak, the other is strong and can willingly pick up the load and vice versa.

People think that the number 7 is lucky, that personal growth and a healthy relationship is based on utilizing seven principles, seven lucky tips, and the like. While this may be true in some cases, in relationships, there are actually eight traits that need to work in concert for the relationship to be healthy and happy. Without these components, a relationship will be out of balance in some way, and it probably won't stand the test of time.

The magic number in any relationship is eight. You need to have eight traits to have a healthy relationship that lasts forever. Think about it, if you turn an eight on its side, you get the infinity symbol, so the universe was probably trying to tell human beings something. There are eight qualities that should be brought to the relationship including trust and confidence, a passion for life, wisdom and humor, financial responsibility, a spiritual nature, an awe for the beauty of life and a commitment maintaining romance and intimacy in the relationship.

Let's look at financial responsibility. In a relationship where there is no financial responsibility, there is always a high level of stress, fights and eventual separation. Most people's biggest battles are over money, so you need to have the trait of financial responsibility in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Without it, there's strife, strain and arguments.

Romance and intimacy is another biggie. Without it, relationships dissolve and reasons for staying together begin to lose their impact. Emotions either disappear, stress builds and eventually arguments ensue. In the worst cases, there aren't even arguments, just disinterest and a drifting apart between two people who used to be madly in love.

Some of the best advice you should remember is that these are just two the eight traits that when not present causes a relationship to sicken and die. Having all eight traits in place is necessary to maintain a long term healthy relationship. Without one or two of them, a relationship is unbalanced, and unbalanced relationships generally lead to dissolution.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/simple-advice-on-healthy-relationships-it-only-takes-eight-things-to-succeed-5704596.html

About the Author

Best Relationship Advice, The Eight-Cow Relationship employs principles that are foundational and effective.It will help you create the love and relationship you have always wanted and more.

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Dealing with criticism in relationship

Dealing with criticism in relationship

Can Criticism Hamper Relationships?

Author: Satarupa

Criticism not only destroys your relationship but it also destroys your partner's life. If you continuously keep on criticizing your partner, it will not only hurt his or her pride but will also leave a permanent scar in their heart forever. Criticism in relationships is the first sign of an emerging problem that can ultimately ruin the very foundation of your relationship.

A closer look

Relationships are based on trust and cooperation under any circumstances. In a relationship, you tend to overlook your partner's shortcomings and instead focus on their positive characters. However, as your relationship progresses and becomes old, you seem to focus mainly on your partner's faulty personalities and overlook his or her positive attributes, which once attracted you.

You would no longer like to call your partner with sweet names like sweetie, honey, love kitten or other lovable names that you used during the first stage of your relationship. You will continuously remain in the state of resentment and frustrated and the only way for you to get over your resentment is to criticize your partner for every little fault. However, one thing you would not realize at that time is that your partner is not the cause for your frustration and anger that is stemming inside you.

It is generally believed that human beings tend to criticize others because of their own miserable conditions and disappointment. The same theory also applies in a relationship. If your partner keeps on criticizing you then it is probable that your partner is going through some serious problems and might have been facing disappointment for a long time. Destructive criticism in relationships has been the primary cause for many breakups and divorces and if you want your relationship to prosper for the rest of your life then the best way is trying to figure out the root cause of your failing relationship.

The downside explained further

Constant criticism can end a relationship and so, if you find yourself criticizing your partner frequently then you are surely suffering from a lot of problem and you find hard to accept the real failures and miseries of your life. The perfect way of handling criticism in a relationship is to confront your partner who has been criticizing you lately. Try to delve into their problems and if possible lend your help in solving those problems.

An end note

Very soon, you will realize that your partner had been criticizing you for the last two or three months because of being denied a promotion, because of a bad investment or because of gaining weight rapidly. Hence, bringing out the problem on the surface will not only stop the criticism but will also help your relationship to prosper.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/can-criticism-hamper-relationships-5750611.html

About the Author

Satarupa is a freelance writer and independent content manager. She takes a keen interest in writing on travel, finance, immigration and relationships. Apart from being a writer, she is a budding entrepreneur. Fiercely dedicated in both personal and professional lives can be a statement to describe her best.

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Affairs of the heart

Affairs of the heart

Emotional Affair

Author: Dale L. McClure

Fidelity is an important component of a good relationship. However, it is true that every stable relationship faces several threats.

One is an emotional affair.

Can this type of affair be a deterrent to a stable relationship?

An "emotional affair" is a happening or event, which omits or leaves out any physical intimacy but involves emotional intimacy. It starts innocently as friendship and could aptly be termed an affair of the heart.

In this affair, one partner enters into monogamous relationship; an emotional affair is a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation. When the affair ends the monogamous relationship, infidelity is the result.

An emotional affair is harmful to a committed relationship more than a one night stand or casual sex. Studies revealed that men are especially affected by proofs of their partner's sexual infidelity, while women are more bothered by signs of emotional infidelity.

Many people believe that since there is no sexual involvement; emotional affair is not immoral. But based on the concept that an affair involves secrecy, deception and betrayal, it is outside the norm of morality.

In the midst of this kind of affair, the person continues denying that it is a harmful one but this is a ploy to overcome guilty feelings.

The relationship is an emotional affair when:

1. You keep your meetings and conversations secret from your partner.

2. You say and do things with someone which you have never say or done to your spouse.

3. You arrange to have private talks and spend time with the other person.

4. You share many time and confidences with the other person rather than with your partner.

Answer these questions honestly and determine if you are having an emotional affair:

1. Do you refrain telling your spouse how much time you spend or talk with the other person?
2. Do you confide to this person more about your day than to your spouse?
3. Do you also reveal to him your marital dissatisfaction?
4. Do you make yourself physically attractive for him?
5. Whether orally or in action, is there a sexual attraction between you?
6. Would you feel uneasy if your spouse saw you together?

If your answer is "yes" to two or more of these questions, get out of the situation. You are on your way to marital infidelity! Our culture makes it easy for any person to enter and stay involved in an emotional affair.

Men and women who are working together and traveling for business together will ultimately forge close relationships. They keep in touch through their phones, mobile, text or instant message. Internet is often the culprit for it is the venue where most affairs commence.

People are given the opportunity to reconnect with friends from their past, as well as, develop good relationship new ones in many social networking sites.

To shield yourself from the temptation of starting such affair, you can follow these tips:

1. Do not be a flirt. Flirting leads to attractions and warm feelings you will start to crave.

2. Be cautious when you are at work and on the Internet. These are dangerous venues where emotional affairs typically begin.

3. Consider the state of your marriage. The more dissatisfied you are with your spouse the more likely you will start an affair.

4. Don't go out without a companion with an old lover. If you have lost all the warm feelings for him, bring along your spouse.

5. Don't build friendship with others who are unfaithful to their partners. You are likely influenced by their state of morality.

Once you have started to get involved in this kind of affair, it will cause you guilty feelings and remorse.

Many marriages crumble after undergoing such an affair. Rebuilding trust for you and your partner will take a lot of efforts and patience.

If you have an affair, you need to admit it and rectify your ways:

1. Make a complete break, no compromises by just staying as friends.

2. Be responsible to face the situation. Accept it and make a clean break.

3. Ask yourself why you allow it to happen? Is it the state of your marriage? Your desire to build self-esteem? Unconsciously repeating the actions of your cheating parent? Understand the underlying reasons why you get into this mess.

4. Betrayal was the fly in the ointment. Exert your best effort to develop trust.

Time is a healer but it takes a long time to rebuild a trust after an emotional affair. Patience is your friend. Do not expect your spouse to forgive and forget right away.

Allow time to heal the wound and things to get better again with your partner or spouse.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/emotional-affair-5409040.html

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Opposite sex friendships

Opposite sex friendships

Opposite sex friendships can be healthy and normal but some opposite sex friendships are playing with fire. When opposite sex friends truly are "just friends", their friendship does not interfere in any way with their marriages or current relationship. If you are spending time socializing with your friend of the opposite sex at the expense of time with your spouse or current partner then your friendship should probably be looked at more closely. Are you running from your current relationship?

Good friends will talk and spend time with one another. If your opposite sex friendship is innocent, there will be no secretiveness. In fact, it's likely that your spouse or significant other will participate in getting together and be OK with it.

The real ingredient to watch for in opposite sex friendships is attraction. Are you physically attracted to that friend? Do you "have feelings"? Do you fantasize about that person? If you are, you are swimming in dangerous waters. It is natural to feel attracted to someone of the opposite sex, we are all human. We look, we fantasize but if you are emotionally attracted to an opposite sex friend, you run the risk of having an affair. It's not so much how you feel, it's what you do with those feelings that make a difference.

Friendship plus physical/emotion attraction is a combination that you need to be extra careful with. The more opportunity that you have to spend time with that other person (meetings, emails, text messages, phone calls), the greater the chance that you will develop an emotional or physical affair. It only takes one slip up to turn your whole life upside down and the life of your family also.

You don't have to necessarily end your friendship if you have a physical attraction to your friend of the opposite sex, but you must take steps to put up walls. Use that energy to break down the walls between you and your spouse or partner. One step without the other is probably pointless.

Opposite sex friendships can be wonderful, but romantic feelings must not be allowed to flourish. A deep affection for a friend of the opposite sex is possible without it being a threat to your marriage or current relationship but you must be careful. Again, there's a thin line if there is an attraction. If you do have a strong physical attraction, you need to reduce your time together.

Remember that happy, mature partners aren't jealous; neither do happy partners give one another a reason to feel jealous.

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