Friday, March 15, 2013
Do You Feel Used and Unappreciated in Your Relationship Or Marriage?
By Jack Ito Ph.D.
Is there such a thing as giving too much? How can we decide what to do and not do for our partner? If you feel like you are always giving and not receiving, you may be giving too much. That sacrificial love of yours may actually be doing more harm than good. But how can you decide what to do and what not to do?
Should we just do the things we want to do? There are many things that we do for our partners that we don't want to do. Washing the dishes, taking out the trash, or going to work may be among them. If we stop doing these things, serious problems will result. Work is a necessary part of any relationship.
The unpleasantness of a task has little to do with the relationship. Usually, as soon as the work has been done, we are able to forget about it and move on. If you work for a company and they give you a paycheck, you don't keep thinking about last week's work. But, if they don't pay you, then you will feel cheated and used. Although not a job, we all have expectations of our partners. When these expectations are not met, we can feel used and cheated.
Loving sacrifice is not "loving" if it causes us to feel resentful or it adds to our feeling that our relationship is unfair. People have an inner sense of what is fair and when we start feeling things are unfair, we had better take action before it gets worse. Resentment, or that sense of unfairness , creates emotional distance and emotional distance kills relationships.
What actions can we take when we feel like we are giving much and getting little?
1. We can stop doing acts of meaningless sacrifice. What you are doing to show love to your partner may not even be important to your partner. Although it is something you might appreciate if your partner did it for you, it may not be part of your partner's love language. Not everyone wants a box of chocolates or to hear "I love you" at the end of every phone call. If doing things for your partner makes you resent your partner, then stop doing them!
2. We can tell our partner what we want. Most of the time we don't get what we want because we don't ask for what we want. What may seem like second nature to you may not even occur to your partner. If you are afraid to ask for what you want, then that is an assertiveness issue on your part. Thinking that you shouldn't have to ask may make you feel justified, but it won't help you to get what you want.
3. Negotiate. Negotiation is a normal part of any long term relationship. Negotiating everything could be a sign or trouble, but not negotiating at all is a sign of poor communication. Your partner and you have some different needs. "I'll pick up the kids tonight if you will make dinner," or "We can watch a movie you want this time if I can pick next time." Partners who were only children and who were pampered by their parents sometimes don't learn this kind of give and take. Making it explicit is a low conflict way to help yourself and your partner.
4. Use a mental or written checklist. When you are feeling resentful, ask yourself these questions:
1) Am I doing something that is really necessary?;
2) Have I let my partner know what I want or am I expecting my partner to "guess" what I want?; and
3) Have I tried negotiating this activity? If your answers are "no" to these questions, then you are being worse to yourself than your partner is.
A relationship, a true partnership, is many things. It is not purely emotional because there are many practical demands. It is not purely a matter of responsibilities because a relationship is not a just a job. It is not only a matter of management because a relationship is not just a business. However, a successful long term relationship has aspects of all three of these things: emotional, practical, and organizational. Using skills that pertain to these three components are vital to its success.
Relationship coaches teach more than 30 different skills related to relationship success. The extent to which you learn and use these skills is the extent to which your relationship can improve. Even learning one can make the difference between a relationship that gradually fades and one that stays vibrant. What you do today will determine what you get tomorrow.
Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. Since 1994 he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships.
Does your partner or spouse appreciate all that you do in your relationship? Are you being used up rather than filled up? You can handle this by using this relationship advice from a professional relationship coach.
Have a baby after Depo-Provera
Looking to get pregnant quickly after Depo-Provera is quite difficult. Simply ask anyone who's been on it. Simply put i was, making this a subject matter near and dear to my heart...
First, let me explain what Depo-Provera is. Depo-Provera is known as a synthetic progesterone shot that is given once each and every 90 days to stop pregnancy from taking place. What the shot really does is keep the body in a prolonged state of pseudo-pregnancy, and therefore depo provera forces one's body believe that it's pregnant. The simple truth is, progesterone is the hormone produced following release of an egg. It's the hormone which will keep a person's menses from starting, and additionally sustains pregnancy. As a result of getting the shot every 90 days, your body stays saturated with the progesterone and thus no ovulation occurs. For that reason, your cycles discontinue until you decide to go off the dose. That's where the down sides commence.
Back in the day, Depo-Provera came to be like the modern magical drug. Depo rendered an individual ninety nine.9% in fertile until such time as users didn't need to be. Gynecologists would convince you a person's fertility cycle would restart within a couple of months of missing the following injection, and if not, they would just give you a reverse hormone shot to kick your cycles back up. The things they didn't reveal was indeed the infertility problems that ensued, and the detox side effects that we would go through whilst you came off. Excessive hair loss, false signs of being pregnant, intermittent menstrual cycles, menstrual cycles every fourteen days, and frequently not getting your cycle back at all. Many women waited more than a year to have their fertility cycles again, and as they did restart, these were infrequent at best. Most of the time though, they resume a regular routine.
But the most important thing to not forget is simply not to try to become pregnant too soon after your actual menstrual cycles resume. The reasons why?
You will observe that after your fertility cycles continue, you have rounds of infrequent menstrual spotting and bleeding. There does exist a good reason for this. You see, because of having ovulation discontinued for all that time, the lining of the womb can become very thin. There have been little or no cycles to remove the lining which would be your menstrual cycle. That lining is what sustains pregnancy. It needs to be deep enough for a fertilized ovum to burrow inside of it to preserve a pregnancy. In the event that the lining isn't thick enough, even when you were fortunate enough to fertilize an egg, it's likely that chances are that you possibly can miscarry. The main reason that you've got intermittent spotting until your menstrual cycles regulate after stopping the shot is that your body is attempting to thicken that lining naturally. Because of this, your system would definitely retain a pregnancy if it were to occur.
When your cycles choose to become regular as before, you will need to get started on charting and temping. You take your temperature each and every morning upon waking before stepping out of bed, and you record it on a temperature graph. The first fourteen days or so of your fertility cycle, your temperature is usually about half a degree lower than the 2nd part of your cycle. Right before ovulation, your basal body temperature drops a couple of points, and just after ovulation, it goes up almost a degree. By doing this regularly, you are able to see on which day of your menstrual cycle that you typically ovulate. By knowing what day you ovulate, you're able to easily time sex to increase your chances of becoming pregnant in any given cycle. There are a number of other signs that your body will give you to show that ovulation is getting ready to occur, and you will learn these along the way.
Now that you know which cycle day that you ovulate on, all you want to do is have sexual intercourse once each day during the 5 days before and the day of ovulation. Sperm are able to stay alive up to 5 days in a female's body, so sex even five days before ovulation happens can result in conception. But it is important to remember not to have having sex more than once a day, as that will lessen the man's sperm count. (It's actually not always as effortless to become pregnant as you suspect!) Yes, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing!
The most crucial thing to remember is to relax. Emotional stress also can hold off ovulation, which is defeating your procedure here. And be patient! Getting this done took me an entire twelve months to get my menstrual cycles back, then another 8 months to become pregnant, but we now have a beautiful three-year-old child to always be proud of. If your cycles don't restart within a year, speak to your health care doctor to make certain that there is nothing else going on with your body..
Christine Gerbehy is the author of many blogs, including http://notjustanothermommyblog.com and http://dieselonlife.com. She's proud wife to Jack, and proud mommy to Reilly. Watch for her new book "Get Pregnant After Depo Provera," coming soon... In the meantime, here's a GREAT book if you're having a hard time getting pregnant: http://bit.ly/byxLeB
Dating someone with HIV is an extremely tough choice to make. We all know that love is blind. If you choose to pursue dating someone with HIV, please take the following into factor.
Get to know the person who you are interested in dating. If you are considering dating someone with HIV, you should take the time to really get to know that person and find out about his interests, likes, dislikes and goals. It is important to build a strong friendship with that person before rushing into a serious relationship with him. Also, make sure that you do not engage in any type of sexual activities at the beginning of the relationship.
Take time out of your schedule to learn about HIV. You can find information on the Internet, visit a library for books and materials, or stop by a local health center to pick up brochures and handouts about HIV. This can help you better understand the virus before developing a close or intimate relationship with someone who has HIV.
Talk with your potential partner about their HIV status. Find out more about their illness, such as how often they visit the doctor, how many medications they are taking, side effects that they experience from the medicine, their current viral load and white blood cell count. This can give you some insight on the severity of their illness, their daily schedule and what might be expected from you, as their partner.
Discuss your future relationship and be honest about your concerns. If you decide to date someone with HIV, it is important to discuss your feelings and concerns with that person. Determine the type of relationship you want to have (such as casual dating, an intimate relationship or something long-term with the possibility of marriage) and make sure the other person wants the same thing.
Use protection when engaging in sexual activities. HIV is transmitted through infected blood, semen and vaginal secretions, so it is important to protect yourself if you do participate in any type of sexual activities with an infected person (such as vaginal, anal and oral sex). Be sure to use a latex condom each time that you have sex with someone who has HIV.
Know your HIV status. If you are involved with someone who has HIV, you should get tested for the virus at least once every six months. Your medical doctor can test you for HIV, or you or you can get tested at a local clinic.
Provide emotional support to your partner. Let your partner know that you are there for them and encourage them to open up and talk to you. Also, be sure to accompany them to their doctor visits whenever you can. This shows your partner that you really do care about them, and that you are concerned about their health.
There are actually several ways to say I love you even with the absence of words. Remember that action speaks louder than words. Words may not be enough to show someone you love him or her.
This article may give great ideas as it reveals three ways to say I love you even without words:
Let go of your past - One way to say I love you even with the absence of words is to let go of your past. When you completely let go of your past, you are actually telling him how much you love him or her. When you are tied up with your past, you are just giving him or her doubtful thoughts regarding your true feelings. When the person you love learns and feels you have completely forgotten your past, you are actually telling him or her I love you.
No comparisons - Another way to say I love you even with the absence of words is to never have comparisons. Do not compare him or her to anybody; especially with your ex. Always make him or her feel that she is special and a unique individual, and that you love him or her for who she is. When you make that person feel that he or she is incomparable, you are actually silently telling him or her I love you.
Accept flaws and weaknesses - This is one of the best ways to say I love you even with the absence of words. You do not actually demand for a person to change if you love him or her. You accept the person for who she or he is, and cover up the weaknesses. This is one of the greatest ways to say I love you.
Saying I love you may not be enough. Consider these three ways and let that someone feel how much you love them!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
The process of getting back together with your ex after having a separation can be made a lot easier and faster if you can develop the courage to deal with your feelings. Interestingly, the feelings one goes through after having a separation are very similar to those experienced when a significant other dies. Mourning after such a loss is normal nevertheless the caveat here is that you should not allow the mourning to get unreasonably out of control.
Grieving, most of the time may turn into depression and when in a depressing state of mind, an individual becomes psychologically unpredictable on the whole. This frame of mind can deteriorate the situation when you are trying to reunite with your ex-spouse.
This article will be taking a look at the 5 stages of grief and connect them to a breakup setting to more effectively understand them and as a consequence make it through this period quicker towards getting your ex back again.
This is the very first stage an individual finds his or herself immediately after a break-up. "I don't think she seriously meant the things she just said"; or "I think he could be just angry with me because of something which could have occurred earlier on in the day and he will give me a call when he relaxes"; these and others are generally things we begin to tell ourselves.
Denying the actuality of the separation is usually caused by the surprise felt at this stage. Owning up to yourself that the breakup has indeed taken place and that you are currently separated with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, is the only approach to handle this stage.
It is natural becoming irritated and also to start feeling some sort of hatred towards your ex, various other external elements or even individuals, and at the worst, at yourself for the separation. Your emotions usually would be running very high at this point and as such it cannot be overemphasized that you are careful concerning the ideas of venting your rage on your ex-spouse. Understanding that separations occur in majority of relationships and that you cannot put the responsibility upon any particular individual or even situation will help you to pass through this anger phase a lot easier.
If you get to a point when you begin making suggestions and pleas to your ex-lover that you're going to do this and that or... then you are certainly making stable advancement in the grieving process.
Despite the fact that you could be lured into making bargains with your ex, it is nevertheless necessary for you to understand or know that it's not what's going to get your ex back for you. In fact this is one thing you ought to avoid at all cost if you're serious about fixing the separation with your ex-spouse.
The real truth regarding separations is that the more crazy about your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend that you were, the more you're bound to feel the effect of the break-up. Nevertheless, it needs to be mentioned here that being unhappy about the breakup is one thing and getting desperate is a totally different story. Whenever the effect of the separation start impinging on your ability to perform normal everyday activities, then it is time for you to get professional help.
The last phase of the grieving process is usually when you get to that point of coming to terms with the actual facts of the breakup. It's nonetheless necessary to note that that sometimes, many people usually think that they have reached this stage although they are still passing through one of the earlier stages.
You'll need to be honest with yourself whenever undertaking a self-evaluation concerning the stage you are truly in at every point of the grieving process. The sooner you are able to get past this process, the sooner you will be prepared to start the main process of getting back together with your ex.
Read more here on winning at love
You have just broken up with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend and the relationship may have left you with a bitter taste in your mouth. The top most things on your mind are probably jumping into a new relationship to spite your ex for all the wrongs they committed. Well, a rebound relationship can be described as a relationship one gets into a few days to several months after breaking up with their partners. Rebound relationships most of the times fail for several reasons however there are always two sides to a story. Some rebound relationships actually work and move to the next level. We will look into why rebound relationships fail as well as why some rebound relationships work and move to the next level. We will also end up seeing what the importance of new relationship advice is.
The first reason why rebound relationships fail is because one of the partners gets into the new relationship for the wrong reasons and with wrong intentions. The partner who is on rebound may be out to prove a point to their ex and this could end up hurting their new partner and the relationship ends even before it starts. The other party who is not on rebound will definitely get hurt when they discover they were being used as a vengeance tool. New relationship advice will help the partners know if they are entering the relationship for the right reasons.
The other reason that rebound relationships fail is because of baggage carried from the previous relationship. The partner on rebound may still have unresolved issues which they may carry into the new relationship this ends up hurting their new partner and may lead to the death of the relationship.
It's not wrong to compare notes from your previous relationship but this should be a private affair something that the person on rebound should do in their mind and not bring out in the open. It is humiliating to be compared to another person for whatever reason because each and every person is a unique personality with their pros and cons.
Why would a rebound relationship work you may wonder, it is a very rare occurrence however some rebound relationships do work for several reasons. You may have kissed enough frogs and you may have finally met your soul mate. This sounds like a fantasy but it is a reality and does happen when the two partners in the new relationship share common goals and are agreeable the rebound relationship can work because both parties appreciate each other and do not take each other for granted. Rebound relationships may work especially if the two partners have been friends for a long time and understand each other. This is because they already share a common goal and are comfortable with one another.
For a new relationship to work especially a rebound one both parties should be willing to give it time to grow and have open and constant communication. Whatever you do treat others the same way you would like them to treat you. At the end of the day you need some new relationship advice for you to make it.
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