Friday, February 17, 2012

Certain traits that relationships require

Relationships require 5 simple things -honesty, communication, faithfulness, trust and love. If you lack any of these you have nothing!

Keep your relationship from stopping before it starts.

Treat your relationship as if it is a rubber band. You want to test it by gently stretching it and letting it spring back. This increases the flexibility and strength.

Act- dont analyze. You can change your feelings and your partner's by actions, not by words and nagging.

Don't talk your relationship to death. Carefully choose the topics you must discuss. Remember - Pick your battles. It is important to remember that most men can't handle more than 15 to 20 minutes of this sort of discussion without going on the defensive. They revert back to the "fight or flight" caveman days.

You will have to go backwards sometimes in order to move forward. Let your partner take a few steps back sometimes without making them feel shameful.

Men tend to turn their attention towards objects, movies, sports and action-oriented activities that don't involve sharing their thoughts and feelings. Help them strike a balance by validating their interests. When you enjoy their idea of fun, they will be more willing to share in your idea of fun.

Always remember that closeness does not naturally happen. It's built over time on safe and happy moments together. It's built on trust, communication and appreciation of each other. Don't stop a relationship by pushing to be close all the time. Appreciate the moments of closeness and learn to like the times you're not close and don't read so much into it. Don't over analyze.

More tips on making a relationship really work here

Or just browse around the main page of this blog. Here is the link back to main page. I try to post interesting articles frequently. Be sure to bookmark or subscribe so you can get the newest updates

or if you just need a good laugh to brighten up your day, check out my humor blog (It's not only for facebook users) I just post funny random stuff each day to make people laugh. A day without laughter is a day wasted. Enjoy. Here is the link to the humor blog

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Picking your battles in a relationship

As in every aspect of life, it is so important to pick your battles with your partner. Whenever you live with someone or spend alot of time with them, conflict and disagreement will arise. We all have our little quirks. There are no two people who are exactly alike. It is so important to learn real quick that there will be behaviors within your partner that simply aren't going to change. Again, this is a time that you have to remember all their wonderful qualities (pros outweighing the cons). You have to decide if that annoying trait in the other person is really worth making a big deal out of or would it be easier to just learn to live with it.

In any relationship, certain topics are better left alone. For instance, you and your partner may have different views on politics. If this is the case, during election season you may find that it is best to avoid discussing politics. It's difficult enough to carry on a conversation with a friend who has opposing political views without the conversation turning personal or confrontational. If this happens with your partner, things could get said that would be very hard to take back. I am just using politics as an example.

Picking your battles simply helps you to avoid conversations that may take comments and turn them them into unfair characterizations or become an emotional attack. Hurtful words are very hard to overcome and they can't be taken back. Some battles just aren't worth those consequences so it's best to try and avoid them when possible. Again, remember that we all have quirks.

When you do find yourself in a debate with your partner (and of course, this is going happen from time to time), always focus on the issue at hand. Don't use each other's personality traits against them as a weapon. Never throw up past issues that have already been resolved. The longer that you are with someone, the more you know best what makes them tick. You know their strengths and weaknesses. Don't take their weaknesses and use them as a weapon to gain the upper hand. I hope that makes sense.

Arguments and debates with your partner can sometimes be a good thing. If they are legitimate arguments, they can help to clear the air and find resolutions to problems. They help test your commitment and love to each other.

The best response to a blowup is to disengage and wait until both you and your partner calm down. It is very difficult to compromise and communicate if one or both of you are very angry. When one or both of your agitated and angry, there is a much better chance that you are going to say things that you might regret later. We often say things out of anger that we don't really mean. After you both calm down, it will be easier to talk about the issue and come to a resolution.

If you would like to read more about fighting fair in relationships, check out the post that I wrote on that.
Here is the link

If you wish to read more of what I have written on building healthy relationships, check out the main page of this blog. Here is the link to that

or if you just feel like having a good laugh, check out my funny stuff for facebook blog. Here is the link to that one

A day without laughter is a day wasted

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Having the same interests as a couple is not crucial

Many people believe that you need to have the same interests as your partner to make a successful couple. That is completely false!! Everyone is unique. Partners usually share some common interests. For example, my husband and I both love bowling. That is our night out together. We bowl on a league every Saturday night. We both love to watch comedies. Madea movies are our favorite :-). We both love to watch Law and Order and shows like that. We both also have very opposite interests as well. He loves to hunt and going to gun ranges. I have no interest in either of them. I love going to the gym and reading. He doesn't really enjoy either of them. I love blogging. He has no interest. He loves his XBox. I don't get into video games at all. He loves to watch football while I would rather be watching lifetime. Why do you think the old cliche about opposites attract is so strong? Because it's true. You and your partner are unique individuals. What keeps you together is your love and respect for one another. Take time everyday to tell your partner one quality that you appreciate in them.

Many women believe that they should force themselves to enjoy whatever their partner does and it will make them love you more. This is not true. You need to have your "together" interests but you also need to cherish your own individuality as well. Be a team but be your own person as well.

Real life love makes life worth living. It brings out the best in each of you because you accept each other for who they are. You accept the pros and cons about each other. You respect each other's beliefs and interests but don't disregard your own. You share some interests. You hold separate interests. It keeps the relationship interesting LOL

Have a good night and here are just a few inspirational relationship quotes that you should take to heart and believe in :-)

If you enjoyed reading this post and found it useful, check out the main page of the blog- Here is the link

or if you just feel like having a few laughs, check out my blog of funny facebook stuff and jokes- Here is the link to that one


Saturday, February 4, 2012

Stages of a relationship

Every relationship moves through stages (from that first kiss all the way through to the marriage part and beyond). Many people believe that a "good relationship" is one long honeymoon phase that just remains like a fairy tale or soap opera relationship. WRONG!!! Sorry to disappoint but that's not reality.

The main cause of relationship failure is that couples break up instead of make up. It sometimes seems easier to change partners or run away from the relationship instead of actually making the effort to work on it and really make it better.

To advance through the stages of a relationship, change is REQUIRED! Change and compromise. When you take two lives and blend them into one, change is inevitable!

Couples move back and forth between these stages of love until they reach the final destination (REAL and EVERLASTING love). It's unrealistic to believe that a relationship will grow and strengthen without any work. Relationships will always have those ups and downs.

Ok- I will get to the point now :-) What are those stages that I keep rambling about?

Stage 1- The honeymoon stage
This is that stage when you first meet. Everything is great. There are so many butterflies. The passion is surreal. There are no troubles or conflict. There is no reason for change because there is so much lust. This is the spontaneous "falling in love" stage. However, it is not the conscious decision to love each other. We don't see anything negative about our partner at this time in the relationship. They are wonderful, perfect yada yada yada. Our hearts and hormones are our leaders during this stage, not our heads. You are basically blind at this stage of a relationship. Now let's move on to Stage 2 of a relationship.

Stage 2- The magical thinking stage
The honeymoon stage is starting to fade some now. We are now starting to see some faults in our partner and we think that we are magically going to change them. Often, we get disappointed here. The longer you stay in this stage, the bigger the problems become and the more disconnected you get from the relationship. Magical thinking is bad ladies. There are times for some magical thinking though. These often occur during the break up and make up stages. It helps couples have the confidence to fight more for their relationship. This is also the stage whereas many people cheat. People love that honeymoon stage. They love those butterflies in the stomach. They try to recreate that. However, if you want to develop real love, take control of the situation at hand and fight for it. Work for it. People don't want to do this sometimes for the fear of being hurt or the fear of the unknown. Life is all about taking chances. If you don't take the chance and try to find the solution, how can you ever be truly happy? It's easier to run or be defensive and reactive than it is to be proactive. Replace that magical thinking with connection and communication. Fight Fair in your relationship (I have another great post to fighting fair and I will link back to that one at the end of this one if you wish to read it). I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the chances that you are going to magically change your partner to what you want them to be are slim to none. When you make changes, they will too! COMPROMISE! Now on to stage 3

Stage 3 of a relationship- The old power struggle stage
Again, honeymoon stage is over. I don't think the magical thinking stage ever really leaves us completely LOL. During this power struggle stage, couples tend to focus on their differences rather than everything they have in common. This is the stage where alot of what we saw as a child in our parent's relationship starts to come out. The closer you get to your partner, the closer you get to all those childhood wounds. Instead of sharing, you are now competing. This is the stage of a relationship where you have to give up "being right all the time" and give in to "what works". Again, we tend to run during this stage too. It is often easier to run than to really work at it. Running away from the issues instead of working on them is the leading cause of relationship failure. Expect conflicts and struggles. Identify the struggle. Rather than run, find solutions. Fight fair. Struggles occur at all points in a relationship. Use the struggles to learn and to make your relationship stronger. On to Stage 4 now.

Stage 4- The transition stage
Relationships change daily. Behavioral changes are required here to move on to the next stage. If you are willing to see the part you both play in the power struggle stage and put yourself in each other's shoes, you can spread your wings and fly together- without colliding. Always try to put yourself in your husband's (or partner's) position when a conflict arises. Try to see it from their point of view as well as your own. Changes like getting a new job or losing a job, moving in together, buying a house, getting engaged or married, getting a pay raise or pay cut are all parts of life and a relationship that require transition. These are the times to use transition to your advantage rather than letting it consume you and take you down. See each change as an opportunity for relationship and personal growth. Learn from it. Life and relationships are all about learning. Don't believe that you can't change. Don't believe that your partner can't change. Believe in yourself and believe in them. When you change for the positive, you create the space in the relationship for your partner to change. Do what needs to be done, cooperate, compromise and communicate. It's so important. I know because I lived it. I have read so many self help books and relationship books. I almost lost my husband and I am so happy that I took the necessary steps to work on my relationship. He's my best friend in the world. I will link back to that post as well at the end of this one. Today, we have one of the strongest and best connected relationships that I know of. Did I have to make changes? YES!! Did he have to make changes? YES!! Do the words "I am sorry" taste like vinegar coming out of my mouth? OF COURSE!! I am female haha. We like to always be right :-). Change and transition are so important. Expect to go backwards sometimes in your relationship. It's going to happen. Expect change and prepare for it. Don't take changes for granted. Appreciate them and learn from them. Continue to respond in new ways and try different things to make changes work. Don't make it harder than it needs to be. Change is a good thing. Life is way too short to be unhappy. Now on to stage 5

Stage 5- The Break Up stage
Yes, I have been there and done this. Before my husband was my husband, we broke up twice and Yes, I cheated once (before we got married). I am just telling you that because I am far from perfect. I write this blog to help women avoid the stupid mistakes that I have already made :-). Our relationship is awesome now but it took alot of hard work and change on both of our parts to get to this point in the relationship. Mostly all couples get to that point in their relationship where they wonder if they should end it or they do end it. Sometimes the grass always looks greener on the other side but than we learn that the grass was really greener on the side that we already had. Even if you don't physically break up, you can break up emotionally. If a couple breaks up emotionally but stays together physically, they usually get stuck in a resentment state of mind. You end up resenting your partner. You are angry with them. You hold grudges all the time. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend. If you find yourself feeling angry and resentful at them alot, you have a big problem. However, if a couple breaks up with love, as a proactive rather than a reactive step, the relationship can be revived and become stronger. I know because that is what happened to me. The break up stage of a relationship can last a few hours, a few days, a few weeks or a few months. It usually takes a few weeks for each of you to realize how much you really, truly miss each other- You go through all the stages. You are angry at first than you get sad than you get lonely without that other person. I know this sounds really negative but it can actually become a positive factor in your relationship. That is what happened with me. Guess what happens when you go through this stage?? You realize that you truly don't want to live without that other person and you are alot more willing to change (as they are) to get back to where you used to be as a couple. You realize that you don't necessarily like your life without that other person. You realize that you can focus more on your partner's positives than their negatives. We all have faults. Nobody's perfect. It took me a long time to realize that. My husband isn't perfect but his positives far outweigh his negatives. Don't leave anything to chance. Don't assume that next time will the same as the last time. Accept that changes need to be made to make the relationship work. Let's move on to stage 6 now :-)

Stage 6- The make-up stage
After a temporary break up, the make up stage is your second chance for love. If you get a second chance and truly want to be with that person, work for it! This is your second chance to make a first impression and start fresh. Couples who break up to make up and work through this stage develop the best relationships. They are strong. They are connected. They don't forget what made them break up in the first place. They learn from their mistakes. In this stage, you both change. You both agree to keep changing. You now know that you want to be with this other person. You are willing to make changes to do that. Many people break up to avoid this stage. They don't believe that they can change. They don't have the commitment and faith that they can make it through this. I am going to be a little harsh here and I am sorry but basically, they don't want to really work for it. A strong relationship isn't handed to you ladies on a silver platter, you have to work at it. Commit to yourself, commit to your partner. Ignore what anyone else says negatively. If you believe in your relationship and it is a good relationship, fight for it!! Also, the make up stage is great LOL. The conflict and tension from the break up causes passion and intimacy, which is why the sex is so great at this stage :-). I have another post on my blog about why intimacy is so important. You can read that at your own leisure :-) Do not blame or get angry. Deal with your anxiety by working at your relationship. Change is good ladies. Now on to the next stage :-) Thanks for staying with me so far LOL

Stage 7- The Re-Romanticizing stage
Whether you are making up after a break up or your relationship has just stalled out, it's time to shift gears ladies and enter this stage. This is the time to pull out all the stops and really go for it. Remember, you have done determined that you truly love your partner at this point and you want this relationship to work (NO RELATIONSHIP FAILURE FOR YOU)!!. It is up to you to recreate the magic and romance in your relationship. Again, I don't want to be harsh ladies but men really aren't bright when it comes to this type of stuff (which is why I posted the post about the power and influence that women have over men). Men are from Mars RIGHT?? They are clueless when it comes to this type of stuff. They really are. You lead, they follow in this department. They know how to provide and protect but are simply clueless in this department unless you lead them there. You need to guide them. Hug them when you want to stomp your feet and walk away. Coach (not nag) them to stay on track. Change your own behavior so they will change theirs. Don't throw the past back in your partner's face. See your partner as new each and every day. You can't change the past so don't go there, focus on the future. Be responsible for yourself and treat your partner as your equal. Ok, so now Last but not least- Stage 8

Stage 8- The Real and Lasting Love stage (which is where I am finally at WOOHOO on that one) Sorry, but it took alot of work and alot of learning for me to get here (so I am proud). In this final stage, you continue to grow together as well as individually. You know how to keep your love alive. You know how to live together successfully. You fight fair. You communicate. When you reach this stage, the relationship no longer seems like work because you already know each other so well. You have your "together" lives where you do certain stuff together but you also know yourself as an individual as well and you know your partner as an individual. You don't take each other for granted. You cherish each other and you have respect for your own beliefs and your own interests but you also cherish their respects and interests. You make time for romance, fun and just basically listening to each other and encouraging each other in their goals and dreams etc. You support one another and work as a team. Make sure intimacy stays at the top of your list. It's so important! Read my post as to why intimacy matters. Take some time and scroll through my different posts. I write every post from my heart and my own experience ladies so just scroll through. Honestly, I can't link back to every post but I do write this blog just to help women avoid the same mistakes that I have made and to help us all build better relationships together. A relationship is work so let's work together and share our feelings and thoughts and help each other. I am always looking for tips to improve my own so feel free to post any tips that you have on making relationships better.

Also, I know this blog isn't for everyone. I wrote this blog for women that have decent men in their lives but are struggling emotionally. I do not endorse or encourage staying with a man that is abusive (either Physically or emotionally),a drug addict or alcoholic etc) I am trying to help women that have a decent partner but just need a little help to enhance that relationship. Every woman deserves to be respected and cherished!! OK ladies- I'm off for tonight because my daughter has dance competition tomorrow and I have to get up at 5AM (on a Sunday :-( LOL. I think I am more nervous than her and I am not even the one dancing

Here are the links that I promised :-)

Fighting fair in relationships

What is a good relationship

Thursday, February 2, 2012

A little relationship humor for the day

Hi ladies

I don't want my blog to be all seriousness all the time so here's a little humor for you (A day without laughter is a day wasted)

Don't forget to subscribe so you can get my latest posts directly emailed to you :-) Let's build healthy relationships together (Go to the bottom of the page to subscribe- It's free)

Relax and enjoy yourself in your relationship

What is etiquette in a relationship? I know you are probably thinking "why should I practice etiquette in my relationship- It's not a job". Etiquette in a relationship allows you to learn to relax and get the most enjoyment out of your relationship. Etiquette is about enhancing your relationship. It helps you to always treat each other with consideration, honesty and respect. It helps to encourage you to think before you act (rather than acting than regretting it later). Choosing thoughtful words or actions before speaking or reacting to what could be a situation that leads into an argument is very important. This can actually make or break your relationship.

A "good, strong relationship" doesn't just happen. It takes work, compromise and often change within ourselves. The success of your relationship is like every other aspect in your life- The more effort you put into it, the more success you reap from it. Again, etiquette is consideration, honesty and respect.

When you become part of a couple, you trade independence for the security of having a lifetime companion. This lifetime companion should be your BEST FRIEND!! If they aren't, you shouldn't be choosing to spend your life with them. Life is short. You only live once and you are not coming back- so make the most of it. Being in a committed relationship can be awesome. No more playing the dating game, no more wondering if the other person is interested, no more lonely feelings. Your best friend is simply there for you, they are a part of you and your everyday life. You share your dreams, your fears, your goals, your happiness and your sorrow. They see you at your best and love you. They see you at your worst and still love you too.

So let's talk about the three rules of thumb to be etiquette in a relationship.

Consideration- This is understanding how other people are affected by whatever is going on in life at that particular time. Being considerate of your partner is so important. Show empathy for them. Think before you act. Think to yourself "how is my partner going to feel or react if I do that"?

Honesty- Be truthful. No, the truth isn't always easy. That is why people say "the truth hurts" because it sometimes can. Act sincerely. This matters. You will be respected and trusted more if you are honest.

Last but not least- Respect! Respect is recognizing that how you interact with your partner affects your relationship tremendously. Take actions that will help nourish your relationship and not ruin it. Respect helps us decide how we choose to act towards our partner. You know the old saying "Don't do to others what you don't want done to yourself". That saying is so popular because it is so true. Try to practice that in everyday life.

It is work though. It takes alot of effort to take and blend your two lives together. Always remember to practice etiquette and when you do fight, fight fair.

Read more about fighting fair in a relationship via the post about fighting fair. Here is the link to that one

How your self-esteem affects the type of man you date or marry

Your self-esteem and how you feel about yourself definately plays a dominant role in your decision making when choosing a man to date or marry. Women who have high self-esteem do not love men who don't love them back and don't respect them. Confident women are far more successful with men than women who continue to love men who do not love them back. Why? because they don't tolerate disrespect from a man. They give respect and they demand it in return. Women who dote on men that obviously do not care about them back are often disrespected and used by that man. Demand respect ladies. You are worth it. You are too good to waste your time with a man that doesn't show you respect.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Making time for intimacy and why it is vital to your relationship

Making time for intimacy in a relationship is crucial. Crucial ladies--CRUCIAL :-). If you are like many women, you place intimacy at the bottom of your to-do list (and yes- when I say intimacy- I am talking about sex). Review your priorities if you really want a truly, good relationship. It is important. Make time for it with your partner.

The trouble with us women is that we feel that we are expected to be super woman and we pride ourselves on doing it all. We can hold down a full-time job than come home and do housework, cook, clean, raise children, be "soccer mom", president of the PTA etc- You get my point. Bottom line is that we find it hard to relax and enjoy life because we are trying to make everything else perfect. Even when we do have some down time, we still focus on chores basically such as mental to do lists YUCK!!

Most women are not quite sure where intimacy fits into all this because by the time you do hit the bed, you only want to do one thing SLEEP!! When we live this type of lifestyle, what happens to us? We feel tired all the time, we are moody, we gain weight and last but definately not least- We lose sex drive. What do we need to do to solve this problem? We practice the three D's. What are they? Delegate, decrease and disengage. Now I know that you are probably thinking "what in the heck is this crazy broad talking about"? OK- so let's talk about each

Delegate: All of our "to do" lists are enough to drive us and our partner absolutely nuts and no, you are not doing anyone any favors by trying to be super woman and doing it all. When we try to do it all, what does it do? It deprives our children of a relaxed mother, our partners from spending quality time with us, our co-workers from a calm co-worker and most of all, you are depriving yourself. You are depriving yourself from a life of energy, liveliness and rest. I always say "Don't take life too seriously- nobody gets out alive anyhow" :-). What do you need to do? Prioritize your tasks. If you have a to do list that has more than 5 items on it, it is time to rethink. You are only one person and honestly, you probably put more expectations on yourself than others do. How did I learn this? By living it!! By getting myself to the point that I was so rundown and tired that I was probably miserable to be around because I was so miserable all the time. It is OK to say "No" ladies and it is OK to ask someone else to do it. You are not being fair to yourself if you are running yourself down like this. Delegating might involve a monthly cleaning service. Housekeeping services are quite affordable, so let go of the reins and hand over the mop. Meanwhile, you will have gained an hour of rest. I have some girlfriends that tell me that they simply can't afford to do this. Yet, these same girlfriends are going out to get manicures and pedicures at the nail salon twice a month. Think about it- How much does that cost? I know when I get mine done, it is like $50 dollars for a mani/pedi. If you go twice a month, that's $100.00. I feel like telling them to do their own mani/pedi's and use that money a bit more wisely so you can spend QUALITY time with your partner and/or children. This will increase your mood and your libido. Technology is the way of the world today. USE IT!! It makes your life easier. Order your groceries, birthday presents, household items etc online. Most companies nowadays offer free shipping. If you have children that are old enough to pick up after themselves, MAKE THEM DO IT!!. You all live in the same household and you are not teaching your children the right way if you are doing everything for them. You are not their friend- You are their parent! It is your job to guide them to be responsible, caring, respectful adults. They will respect you for teaching them responsibility later in life.

The second D- Decrease!! Decrease and Simplify
How do you decrease? Take a deep breath and let go of perfection. No, you are not perfect, nobody is and nobody should expect you to be. Okay, so you went to bed to spend some quality time with your partner and their are still dirty dishes in the sink!! Who cares? The world wont come to an end because you have dirty dishes in the sink or some pet hair on the furniture that you didn't vacuum or some toys from your toddler that you didn't pick up!! Guess what? They will wait for you and the lack of chores for one night will add so much energy to your relationship and your own well being. Even when you clean all that up, guess what?? The same mess occurs tomorrow. It is like a never ending episode of groundhog day :-) Not trying to be harsh ladies- just honest. Life is meant to enjoy. You only live once and you are not coming back so enjoy your time here on earth. It is safe (I promise you) to go to sleep at night with a crumb on the kitchen table or not sweeping up every floor in the house or doing every dish.

Make your life easier wherever possible. From dishwashers to prepackaged meals to self-cleaning ovens and shower gadgets, there are a large number of products that will save you time and energy. Time for the important stuff in life matters. Some of these items may be costly but worth it in the end. If you are out there working a full time job, you deserve to spend a little bit of that money into your sanity.

Again, learn to say "NO". it's OK. Set up boundaries to protect your own emotional health, your relationship, your time with your family and overall, your physical health. Cut back on your number of committments- IT'S OK!! Don't agree to host every family function or holiday party at your house. Most people will respect that decision. If they don't, they aren't true to you anyhow. I know that it is nice to feel needed but trim down your obligations and save your energy for those that you truly ENJOY doing. The same goes for you children's activities. Save your and their energy for the ones that they truly can't live without or give up. Use that time wisely. For example, my 13 year old daughter lives and breathe dance!! She has been dancing since she was 3. She is in competitive dance which requires her to attend dance classes 2 evenings a week and saturday mornings. When she was smaller, I went to her dance classes and sat with her the whole time (of course, she only danced one night a week back than) but now, I go to some and watch but not all. I watch the mothers there who will sit the whole evening and watch every practice. They look so worn out. Her dance class is only like 10 minutes from the house so I wont lie, there are times when either my husband or I take her to dance, drop her off, come home and have intimate time for her dance class period and go back and pick her up when dance class is over. Do I feel bad for sharing intimate moments with my husband instead of watching her every dance class?? Do I feel guilty because I don't sit there for every waking minute of her classes? HELL NO!! We are there for every competition, every recital, some dance classes and heck, we pay for it all and support her in every aspect emotionally for her passion. Do I cherish those moments with my husband while she is at dance and we can just be as loud as we want, as silly as we want and not have to worry about being heard during intimate moments?? YESSS!! Does it bother her that I am not at every dance class? No! I just tell her that Mom is going to run home and do some housework while she's dancing- She doesn't care. She's like "Love ya mom- see ya in a bit" She's not focused on us at dance. She's focused on what she should be focused on at that time DANCE!! Point of this is that you probably put more expectations on yourself than others really do. Yes, my hubby and I sometimes have to plan our intimate moments (some are spontaneous but alot are planned) but you know what, it is still good because we look forward to it. When we know we have a "planned" evening, I text him while I'm at work and I will ask him "so do you prefer the pink underwear or black ones" "What color are you in the mood for" or just some silly random question focusing only on our "planned intimacy time" He gets the biggest kick out of that and it builds anticipation. Little things count!!

OK - so now I'm rambling- LOL See, I should be doing something else right now like cleaning the house etc but I enjoy writing and chatting so I choose that instead. Yes, I have dirty dishes in my sink right now!! and I will load them into the dishwasher as soon as I am done talking about the third "D"

What is the third "D"?? Disengage
Disengage and reconnect with you. Have you ever booked a massage then spent the time worrying about everything else that you should be doing and felt guilty about the time you were taking for yourself? Or maybe you desperately crave to just sleep but you can't because you aren't able to turn your mind off? For many of us females, a lack of time isn't the only issue- We simply find it hard to relax even when we do have some "me time". We are always seeking perfection (whether it is in our looks, our families, our careers etc). Mentally, we want to relax but only after everything else in our lives are perfect. If you feel this way, STOP!!! It's never, ever going to be perfect so stop putting that pressure on yourself. Have you ever thought to yourself "Well, I will spend more time on my marriage when the kids are in college or I will devote myself to my own needs once my finances are more settleed. I will get into shape when the children go to school. Oh my, the list can be endless. What are you really waiting for?? What personal happiness or fulfilment are you delaying because you are seeking perfection?? Ladies- It's never going to happen so accept that reality. NOW is the best time to seek your own happiness. What does that mean? It means stop living for the future and live for today. It means you don't need to be thinner and more toned to have a fantastic imtimacy with your partner. Don't delay your happiness until some non-existent event finds you. Focus on the present and enjoy your time and your life now (Don't wait for tomorrow because tomorrow may never come)

OK ladies- I'm done for tonight. Have a great evening

If you enjoyed reading this- Check out my fighting fair in relationships post
Here is the link

LOL- No relationship is perfect but a good one takes work and compromise

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Intimacy matters in a relationship- Understanding and Accepting Sex

Sex is a fundamental part of womanhood. Throughout life, sex is the driving force that creates energy, life and attraction all around us. Why do you think sex sells (Harsh but true)? To deny our ties to sexuality and intimacy and our own needs for sexual fulfilment is to deny our existence. Sex is how we were created and how we recreate. It is a natural part of life. Understanding and accepting your sexuality will lead you to pleasure, confidence and a more fulfilling relationship with your partner.

If you understand this concept, you can accept your intimate feelings and are able to better express yourself in that area to your partner. More importantly, it makes you feel good about yourself.

Even though it is used to sell everything from chocolate and ice cream to cars and aftershave, this generation is less likely than previous generations to be adventurous. There are too many sexually transmitted diseases out there nowadays. There are too many stereotypes.

Throughout your lifetime and your relationship with your partner, your intimacy needs change. A new baby, a new job or a new partner can change your intimacy desires considerably.

You can't have a fulfilling intimate life if you don't understand and accept your own sexuality. Stay in touch with your partner by talking, touching and kissing. Talk openly and honestly about your intimate needs and desires. Take time for each other, have fun with it and most of all, ENJOY being physically close. Don't let the fear of change hold you back. Having a healthy intimate relationship with your parter is vital to your emotional and physical well being. The intimacy part of your relationship is very important. I know alot of people say that sex shouldn't really be that important in a relationship. That's a lie!! Fact of life, it is important and it is definately an area that you should focus on and put effort into if you really want to have a "good relationship"

What is a good relationship
Here is the link to one of the first posts on exactly what a good relationship is