Sunday, February 12, 2012

Picking your battles in a relationship

As in every aspect of life, it is so important to pick your battles with your partner. Whenever you live with someone or spend alot of time with them, conflict and disagreement will arise. We all have our little quirks. There are no two people who are exactly alike. It is so important to learn real quick that there will be behaviors within your partner that simply aren't going to change. Again, this is a time that you have to remember all their wonderful qualities (pros outweighing the cons). You have to decide if that annoying trait in the other person is really worth making a big deal out of or would it be easier to just learn to live with it.

In any relationship, certain topics are better left alone. For instance, you and your partner may have different views on politics. If this is the case, during election season you may find that it is best to avoid discussing politics. It's difficult enough to carry on a conversation with a friend who has opposing political views without the conversation turning personal or confrontational. If this happens with your partner, things could get said that would be very hard to take back. I am just using politics as an example.

Picking your battles simply helps you to avoid conversations that may take comments and turn them them into unfair characterizations or become an emotional attack. Hurtful words are very hard to overcome and they can't be taken back. Some battles just aren't worth those consequences so it's best to try and avoid them when possible. Again, remember that we all have quirks.

When you do find yourself in a debate with your partner (and of course, this is going happen from time to time), always focus on the issue at hand. Don't use each other's personality traits against them as a weapon. Never throw up past issues that have already been resolved. The longer that you are with someone, the more you know best what makes them tick. You know their strengths and weaknesses. Don't take their weaknesses and use them as a weapon to gain the upper hand. I hope that makes sense.

Arguments and debates with your partner can sometimes be a good thing. If they are legitimate arguments, they can help to clear the air and find resolutions to problems. They help test your commitment and love to each other.

The best response to a blowup is to disengage and wait until both you and your partner calm down. It is very difficult to compromise and communicate if one or both of you are very angry. When one or both of your agitated and angry, there is a much better chance that you are going to say things that you might regret later. We often say things out of anger that we don't really mean. After you both calm down, it will be easier to talk about the issue and come to a resolution.

If you would like to read more about fighting fair in relationships, check out the post that I wrote on that.
Here is the link

If you wish to read more of what I have written on building healthy relationships, check out the main page of this blog. Here is the link to that

or if you just feel like having a good laugh, check out my funny stuff for facebook blog. Here is the link to that one

A day without laughter is a day wasted

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