Friday, August 30, 2013
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
Do You Feel Used and Unappreciated in Your Relationship Or Marriage?
By Jack Ito Ph.D.
Is there such a thing as giving too much? How can we decide what to do and not do for our partner? If you feel like you are always giving and not receiving, you may be giving too much. That sacrificial love of yours may actually be doing more harm than good. But how can you decide what to do and what not to do?
Should we just do the things we want to do? There are many things that we do for our partners that we don't want to do. Washing the dishes, taking out the trash, or going to work may be among them. If we stop doing these things, serious problems will result. Work is a necessary part of any relationship.
The unpleasantness of a task has little to do with the relationship. Usually, as soon as the work has been done, we are able to forget about it and move on. If you work for a company and they give you a paycheck, you don't keep thinking about last week's work. But, if they don't pay you, then you will feel cheated and used. Although not a job, we all have expectations of our partners. When these expectations are not met, we can feel used and cheated.
Loving sacrifice is not "loving" if it causes us to feel resentful or it adds to our feeling that our relationship is unfair. People have an inner sense of what is fair and when we start feeling things are unfair, we had better take action before it gets worse. Resentment, or that sense of unfairness , creates emotional distance and emotional distance kills relationships.
What actions can we take when we feel like we are giving much and getting little?
1. We can stop doing acts of meaningless sacrifice. What you are doing to show love to your partner may not even be important to your partner. Although it is something you might appreciate if your partner did it for you, it may not be part of your partner's love language. Not everyone wants a box of chocolates or to hear "I love you" at the end of every phone call. If doing things for your partner makes you resent your partner, then stop doing them!
2. We can tell our partner what we want. Most of the time we don't get what we want because we don't ask for what we want. What may seem like second nature to you may not even occur to your partner. If you are afraid to ask for what you want, then that is an assertiveness issue on your part. Thinking that you shouldn't have to ask may make you feel justified, but it won't help you to get what you want.
3. Negotiate. Negotiation is a normal part of any long term relationship. Negotiating everything could be a sign or trouble, but not negotiating at all is a sign of poor communication. Your partner and you have some different needs. "I'll pick up the kids tonight if you will make dinner," or "We can watch a movie you want this time if I can pick next time." Partners who were only children and who were pampered by their parents sometimes don't learn this kind of give and take. Making it explicit is a low conflict way to help yourself and your partner.
4. Use a mental or written checklist. When you are feeling resentful, ask yourself these questions:
1) Am I doing something that is really necessary?;
2) Have I let my partner know what I want or am I expecting my partner to "guess" what I want?; and
3) Have I tried negotiating this activity? If your answers are "no" to these questions, then you are being worse to yourself than your partner is.
A relationship, a true partnership, is many things. It is not purely emotional because there are many practical demands. It is not purely a matter of responsibilities because a relationship is not a just a job. It is not only a matter of management because a relationship is not just a business. However, a successful long term relationship has aspects of all three of these things: emotional, practical, and organizational. Using skills that pertain to these three components are vital to its success.
Relationship coaches teach more than 30 different skills related to relationship success. The extent to which you learn and use these skills is the extent to which your relationship can improve. Even learning one can make the difference between a relationship that gradually fades and one that stays vibrant. What you do today will determine what you get tomorrow.
Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. Since 1994 he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships.
Does your partner or spouse appreciate all that you do in your relationship? Are you being used up rather than filled up? You can handle this by using this relationship advice from a professional relationship coach.
Have a baby after Depo-Provera
Looking to get pregnant quickly after Depo-Provera is quite difficult. Simply ask anyone who's been on it. Simply put i was, making this a subject matter near and dear to my heart...
First, let me explain what Depo-Provera is. Depo-Provera is known as a synthetic progesterone shot that is given once each and every 90 days to stop pregnancy from taking place. What the shot really does is keep the body in a prolonged state of pseudo-pregnancy, and therefore depo provera forces one's body believe that it's pregnant. The simple truth is, progesterone is the hormone produced following release of an egg. It's the hormone which will keep a person's menses from starting, and additionally sustains pregnancy. As a result of getting the shot every 90 days, your body stays saturated with the progesterone and thus no ovulation occurs. For that reason, your cycles discontinue until you decide to go off the dose. That's where the down sides commence.
Back in the day, Depo-Provera came to be like the modern magical drug. Depo rendered an individual ninety nine.9% in fertile until such time as users didn't need to be. Gynecologists would convince you a person's fertility cycle would restart within a couple of months of missing the following injection, and if not, they would just give you a reverse hormone shot to kick your cycles back up. The things they didn't reveal was indeed the infertility problems that ensued, and the detox side effects that we would go through whilst you came off. Excessive hair loss, false signs of being pregnant, intermittent menstrual cycles, menstrual cycles every fourteen days, and frequently not getting your cycle back at all. Many women waited more than a year to have their fertility cycles again, and as they did restart, these were infrequent at best. Most of the time though, they resume a regular routine.
But the most important thing to not forget is simply not to try to become pregnant too soon after your actual menstrual cycles resume. The reasons why?
You will observe that after your fertility cycles continue, you have rounds of infrequent menstrual spotting and bleeding. There does exist a good reason for this. You see, because of having ovulation discontinued for all that time, the lining of the womb can become very thin. There have been little or no cycles to remove the lining which would be your menstrual cycle. That lining is what sustains pregnancy. It needs to be deep enough for a fertilized ovum to burrow inside of it to preserve a pregnancy. In the event that the lining isn't thick enough, even when you were fortunate enough to fertilize an egg, it's likely that chances are that you possibly can miscarry. The main reason that you've got intermittent spotting until your menstrual cycles regulate after stopping the shot is that your body is attempting to thicken that lining naturally. Because of this, your system would definitely retain a pregnancy if it were to occur.
When your cycles choose to become regular as before, you will need to get started on charting and temping. You take your temperature each and every morning upon waking before stepping out of bed, and you record it on a temperature graph. The first fourteen days or so of your fertility cycle, your temperature is usually about half a degree lower than the 2nd part of your cycle. Right before ovulation, your basal body temperature drops a couple of points, and just after ovulation, it goes up almost a degree. By doing this regularly, you are able to see on which day of your menstrual cycle that you typically ovulate. By knowing what day you ovulate, you're able to easily time sex to increase your chances of becoming pregnant in any given cycle. There are a number of other signs that your body will give you to show that ovulation is getting ready to occur, and you will learn these along the way.
Now that you know which cycle day that you ovulate on, all you want to do is have sexual intercourse once each day during the 5 days before and the day of ovulation. Sperm are able to stay alive up to 5 days in a female's body, so sex even five days before ovulation happens can result in conception. But it is important to remember not to have having sex more than once a day, as that will lessen the man's sperm count. (It's actually not always as effortless to become pregnant as you suspect!) Yes, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing!
The most crucial thing to remember is to relax. Emotional stress also can hold off ovulation, which is defeating your procedure here. And be patient! Getting this done took me an entire twelve months to get my menstrual cycles back, then another 8 months to become pregnant, but we now have a beautiful three-year-old child to always be proud of. If your cycles don't restart within a year, speak to your health care doctor to make certain that there is nothing else going on with your body..
Christine Gerbehy is the author of many blogs, including http://notjustanothermommyblog.com and http://dieselonlife.com. She's proud wife to Jack, and proud mommy to Reilly. Watch for her new book "Get Pregnant After Depo Provera," coming soon... In the meantime, here's a GREAT book if you're having a hard time getting pregnant: http://bit.ly/byxLeB
Dating someone with HIV is an extremely tough choice to make. We all know that love is blind. If you choose to pursue dating someone with HIV, please take the following into factor.
Get to know the person who you are interested in dating. If you are considering dating someone with HIV, you should take the time to really get to know that person and find out about his interests, likes, dislikes and goals. It is important to build a strong friendship with that person before rushing into a serious relationship with him. Also, make sure that you do not engage in any type of sexual activities at the beginning of the relationship.
Take time out of your schedule to learn about HIV. You can find information on the Internet, visit a library for books and materials, or stop by a local health center to pick up brochures and handouts about HIV. This can help you better understand the virus before developing a close or intimate relationship with someone who has HIV.
Talk with your potential partner about their HIV status. Find out more about their illness, such as how often they visit the doctor, how many medications they are taking, side effects that they experience from the medicine, their current viral load and white blood cell count. This can give you some insight on the severity of their illness, their daily schedule and what might be expected from you, as their partner.
Discuss your future relationship and be honest about your concerns. If you decide to date someone with HIV, it is important to discuss your feelings and concerns with that person. Determine the type of relationship you want to have (such as casual dating, an intimate relationship or something long-term with the possibility of marriage) and make sure the other person wants the same thing.
Use protection when engaging in sexual activities. HIV is transmitted through infected blood, semen and vaginal secretions, so it is important to protect yourself if you do participate in any type of sexual activities with an infected person (such as vaginal, anal and oral sex). Be sure to use a latex condom each time that you have sex with someone who has HIV.
Know your HIV status. If you are involved with someone who has HIV, you should get tested for the virus at least once every six months. Your medical doctor can test you for HIV, or you or you can get tested at a local clinic.
Provide emotional support to your partner. Let your partner know that you are there for them and encourage them to open up and talk to you. Also, be sure to accompany them to their doctor visits whenever you can. This shows your partner that you really do care about them, and that you are concerned about their health.
There are actually several ways to say I love you even with the absence of words. Remember that action speaks louder than words. Words may not be enough to show someone you love him or her.
This article may give great ideas as it reveals three ways to say I love you even without words:
Let go of your past - One way to say I love you even with the absence of words is to let go of your past. When you completely let go of your past, you are actually telling him how much you love him or her. When you are tied up with your past, you are just giving him or her doubtful thoughts regarding your true feelings. When the person you love learns and feels you have completely forgotten your past, you are actually telling him or her I love you.
No comparisons - Another way to say I love you even with the absence of words is to never have comparisons. Do not compare him or her to anybody; especially with your ex. Always make him or her feel that she is special and a unique individual, and that you love him or her for who she is. When you make that person feel that he or she is incomparable, you are actually silently telling him or her I love you.
Accept flaws and weaknesses - This is one of the best ways to say I love you even with the absence of words. You do not actually demand for a person to change if you love him or her. You accept the person for who she or he is, and cover up the weaknesses. This is one of the greatest ways to say I love you.
Saying I love you may not be enough. Consider these three ways and let that someone feel how much you love them!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
The process of getting back together with your ex after having a separation can be made a lot easier and faster if you can develop the courage to deal with your feelings. Interestingly, the feelings one goes through after having a separation are very similar to those experienced when a significant other dies. Mourning after such a loss is normal nevertheless the caveat here is that you should not allow the mourning to get unreasonably out of control.
Grieving, most of the time may turn into depression and when in a depressing state of mind, an individual becomes psychologically unpredictable on the whole. This frame of mind can deteriorate the situation when you are trying to reunite with your ex-spouse.
This article will be taking a look at the 5 stages of grief and connect them to a breakup setting to more effectively understand them and as a consequence make it through this period quicker towards getting your ex back again.
This is the very first stage an individual finds his or herself immediately after a break-up. "I don't think she seriously meant the things she just said"; or "I think he could be just angry with me because of something which could have occurred earlier on in the day and he will give me a call when he relaxes"; these and others are generally things we begin to tell ourselves.
Denying the actuality of the separation is usually caused by the surprise felt at this stage. Owning up to yourself that the breakup has indeed taken place and that you are currently separated with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, is the only approach to handle this stage.
It is natural becoming irritated and also to start feeling some sort of hatred towards your ex, various other external elements or even individuals, and at the worst, at yourself for the separation. Your emotions usually would be running very high at this point and as such it cannot be overemphasized that you are careful concerning the ideas of venting your rage on your ex-spouse. Understanding that separations occur in majority of relationships and that you cannot put the responsibility upon any particular individual or even situation will help you to pass through this anger phase a lot easier.
If you get to a point when you begin making suggestions and pleas to your ex-lover that you're going to do this and that or... then you are certainly making stable advancement in the grieving process.
Despite the fact that you could be lured into making bargains with your ex, it is nevertheless necessary for you to understand or know that it's not what's going to get your ex back for you. In fact this is one thing you ought to avoid at all cost if you're serious about fixing the separation with your ex-spouse.
The real truth regarding separations is that the more crazy about your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend that you were, the more you're bound to feel the effect of the break-up. Nevertheless, it needs to be mentioned here that being unhappy about the breakup is one thing and getting desperate is a totally different story. Whenever the effect of the separation start impinging on your ability to perform normal everyday activities, then it is time for you to get professional help.
The last phase of the grieving process is usually when you get to that point of coming to terms with the actual facts of the breakup. It's nonetheless necessary to note that that sometimes, many people usually think that they have reached this stage although they are still passing through one of the earlier stages.
You'll need to be honest with yourself whenever undertaking a self-evaluation concerning the stage you are truly in at every point of the grieving process. The sooner you are able to get past this process, the sooner you will be prepared to start the main process of getting back together with your ex.
Read more here on winning at love
You have just broken up with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend and the relationship may have left you with a bitter taste in your mouth. The top most things on your mind are probably jumping into a new relationship to spite your ex for all the wrongs they committed. Well, a rebound relationship can be described as a relationship one gets into a few days to several months after breaking up with their partners. Rebound relationships most of the times fail for several reasons however there are always two sides to a story. Some rebound relationships actually work and move to the next level. We will look into why rebound relationships fail as well as why some rebound relationships work and move to the next level. We will also end up seeing what the importance of new relationship advice is.
The first reason why rebound relationships fail is because one of the partners gets into the new relationship for the wrong reasons and with wrong intentions. The partner who is on rebound may be out to prove a point to their ex and this could end up hurting their new partner and the relationship ends even before it starts. The other party who is not on rebound will definitely get hurt when they discover they were being used as a vengeance tool. New relationship advice will help the partners know if they are entering the relationship for the right reasons.
The other reason that rebound relationships fail is because of baggage carried from the previous relationship. The partner on rebound may still have unresolved issues which they may carry into the new relationship this ends up hurting their new partner and may lead to the death of the relationship.
It's not wrong to compare notes from your previous relationship but this should be a private affair something that the person on rebound should do in their mind and not bring out in the open. It is humiliating to be compared to another person for whatever reason because each and every person is a unique personality with their pros and cons.
Why would a rebound relationship work you may wonder, it is a very rare occurrence however some rebound relationships do work for several reasons. You may have kissed enough frogs and you may have finally met your soul mate. This sounds like a fantasy but it is a reality and does happen when the two partners in the new relationship share common goals and are agreeable the rebound relationship can work because both parties appreciate each other and do not take each other for granted. Rebound relationships may work especially if the two partners have been friends for a long time and understand each other. This is because they already share a common goal and are comfortable with one another.
For a new relationship to work especially a rebound one both parties should be willing to give it time to grow and have open and constant communication. Whatever you do treat others the same way you would like them to treat you. At the end of the day you need some new relationship advice for you to make it.
To read more visit new relationship advice
Click here to read awesome advice on being the women that men adore
Do I deserve love?
Most of the women who are close friends of mine are sexual, sweet, affectionate women with BIG hearts. Sounds good, right? Kinda. If you're a woman with a big heart you tend to give love all day long to everyone around you. It's natural for us. On the downside, if you're not careful there's nothing left of you at the end of the day. That means we not only need to refuel but we also need to receive love and affection from those we love. This can't be a one-sided thing.
I know we're supposed to be strong women who love ourselves and take good care of ourselves. And we are. But if you're also an affectionate, sexual woman there's an empty place in your life that can't be filled by anything other than the affection of the man you love. It's true. Sometimes I wish it wasn't. But it is.
Unfortunately, some men tend to take sweet, affectionate, loving women for granted. I mean, we're strong. We're always there when he needs us. We're forgiving. We're compassionate. We're positive. We're always in a good mood. And because of this, many times we’re left behind. Somehow, some way, we end up last place on our men's daily list of priorities, which means we receive little or no affection in return. You know what? We deserve better treatment. We do!
I've been receiving letters in the last week from women like this. Loving, sexual, sweet, giving women who are terribly lonely in their relationships, because the men they love have put them last place on their list of priorities. There's always some crisis or some reason why they can't give the women they "love" the affection and time they need every day.
Ladies, we deserve better. We deserve to be recognized for what we are: a treasure. We deserve a man who will put us first place on his list of priorities NO MATTER WHAT. I don't care how busy or crazy his life is. If he truly loves you he will make room for you every day. And I'm not talking 10 minutes of time. I mean all the time you need. Why? Because he loves and values you.
So don't give up and settle for less. No more excuses for these guys. You can find the time in your stressful, multitasking life for your man. He should be able to do the same for you if he says he loves you.
Do everything you can to make your relationship work. But if it doesn't, don't give up on yourself. Like I said, don’t settle for less. When this happens it’s easy to think you failed. You didn’t. The truth is it takes two to make a relationship work. If he isn’t willing to put in the time and effort, you can’t do this for him.
However, never doubt there are men who will treasure you and spoil you with all the affection you deserve every day. If you’re single you've just got to get out there so they can find you. Or maybe he's been in your life for a while, quietly waiting for you to recognize him. Hey, it happens. In fact, it happened to me.
So sometimes the man of your dreams is someone you already know. And sometimes the man of your dreams is your man who just needs to get a clue. No matter what, it all starts with you. When you stop settling for less than you deserve everything changes.
Laura Stamps is a bestselling Pagan Paranormal Erotica Novelist. All her Kindle books & series: http://www.avampskiss.blogspot.com Her blog: http://www.erotica-laurastamps.blogspot.com/
Read more on why you deserve love and how you can demand to get it here
Saturday, March 9, 2013
What are de facto relationships? by Aussiedivorce
A de facto relationship is defined in Section 4AA of theFamily Law Act 1975. The law requires that you and your former partner, who may be of the same or opposite sex, had a relationship as a couple living together on a genuine domestic basis. However, your relationship is not a de facto relationship if you were legally married to one another or if you are related by family.
Can I apply to the Family Court or Federal Magistrates Court to have my de facto dispute determined if it's about my children?
Yes. The Family Court and the Federal Magistrates Court deal with issues related to the children of de facto relationships in the same way as the children of married couples. For more information, see the Children's Matterssection of this website.
Can I apply to the Family Court or Federal Magistrates Court to have my de facto financial dispute determined?
Yes. From 1 March 2009, parties to an eligible de facto relationship which has broken down can apply to the Family Court or the Federal Magistrates Court to have financial matters determined in the same way as married couples.
You must apply for de facto financial orders within two years of the breakdown of your relationship. After this time you need the Court's permission to apply.
Examples of financial matters include the adjustment of property interests or maintenance of a party to the de facto relationship.
Before the Court can determine your financial dispute, you must satisfy the Court of all of the following:
1. you were in a genuine de facto relationship with your former partner which has broken down
2. you meet one of four gateway criteria
3. you have a geographical connection to a participating jurisdiction
4. your relationship broke down after 1 March 2009 (or after 1 July 2010 if you have a geographical connection to South Australia only); although you may be able to apply to the Courts if your relationship broke down prior to the date applicable to your state.
You should obtain legal advice about whether your circumstances satisfy the criteria before filing an application.
At Aussie Divorce we have family lawyers who can advise you on all De facto Relationships matters. family lawyers Sydney, family lawyers Brisbane
Article Source: What are de facto relationships?
Boyfriend Too Busy With Work - How To Communicate To Maintain Your Relationship
By Rachel Lim Shuling
When my boyfriend started a new job, he became too busy with work to spend time with me. From the beginning, I told myself to be more understanding - because it was reasonable to respect his need to study, network with new colleagues, recharge (alone or with friends), bond with family, exercise, etc.
But despite my best efforts, I started feeling neglected and grumpy...
As a result, I became cold and mean to him - on the phone, and even on dates! It wasn't long before he started behaving distant too.
Hence, I knew I had to act fast before losing him...
It wasn't easy, I'll admit. It took courage and discipline, but I did it. So to help you communicate with your 'too busy' boyfriend in a way that will not only maintain your relationship, but also help it to grow, here's what you need to do...
BEFORE Talking About The Things You Feel Unhappy About, Be Clear And Specific About What You Want!
Since your boyfriend is too busy with work, it's safe to bet he's already feeling stressed out. Saying he's the source of your problems will only ADD to his stress - because he wants to help you solve your troubles, yet is lost when you don't tell him what you specifically want him to do.
In fact, if you don't tell him exactly what you want, he's likely to come up with (seemingly strange) solutions that don't work for you. Does this sound familiar? Your frustration mounts as you wonder "Why can't he understand what I need and want?"
Can you see when you, yourself are unclear about what you want, both parties lose?
[WARNING!: When your boyfriend can't help you solve your problems, he feels terrible about himself. Did you know a man's self-esteem crashes because your unhappiness communicates to him that HE'S A FAILURE - at solving your problems; making you happy; being your boyfriend? When a man feels like a failure, he cannot love. Hence, if you have gotten angry at your boyfriend because he couldn't read your mind, don't be surprised when he distances himself from you...]
Very often, women don't take the effort to spend time alone to ask ourselves honestly what we want...
I am guilty of this too. We hope that by sharing our problems, our boyfriends, who are usually so good at coming up with creative solutions that please us, will come up with another great idea to delight us. For example, I secretly hoped my boyfriend would push aside his other commitments to see me. I secretly hoped he would text me during his lunch break, or on his way to work.
But he never did...
It wasn't until my relationship was in serious danger of drifting apart that I finally took the effort and courage to tell my boyfriend "I prefer you to at least message me once - either in the morning, or during lunch. Otherwise, I just feel like we are friends who don't talk much." It scared me to text him this. But I heaved a sigh of relief when he actually THANKED me for being honest with him. He also told me that he would do as I asked. As a result, I am glad to report we are even more in love now.
Being clear about what I specifically want has worked for me time and time again. Yet, I don't always remember this technique until things get pretty bad. Fortunately, it ALWAYS helps me communicate with my boyfriend, even when he's too busy, to maintain and grow our relationship. By sharing my secrets, I hope you use it to successfully keep the affections of the man you love too! I know you can do it.
Men Can't Bear To Leave A Woman Who Communicates With Him Like No Other Woman Can!
Need help? Here's how I got from being 'Totally Confused' about communicating with men, to knowing how to melt his heart and be Cherished and Adored... Forever!
Click Here: http://understandmenbetter.com/ to learn the Real Truth about how to communicate with your boyfriend and get what you want now!
Do you love your partner with all of your heart but often find yourself feeling frustrated with them? If so, there is no need to worry just yet. That is a very normal feeling. When you share space with someone so much, frustration is bound to happen. When you feel that he's ignoring you, do you find yourself asking the question "Why do I get so upset with him"?
It is extremely distressing to feel as if your words and actions have no impact (or no longer matter) to your partner or to think that someone whom you love deeply is no longer engaged fully in the relationship or interested in what's important to you can be extremely painful.
When you feel like your spouse/partner is not being responsive to you (and to your needs), two outcomes become likely:
1. Initially, you may "up the ante" in order to have some kind of impact on your spouse/partner-- this might involve yelling, becoming more provocative, elevating your emotional responses, acting in ways that are uncharacteristic for you (in attachment literature these types of reactions are called "protest" behaviors. Your protests are a reflection of losing something extremely important to you; this can be the love of your partner, the security of your relationship, or both).
Is it fair to say that at some point most of us would react negatively (protest) if we perceived our spouse/partner to be unavailable and unresponsive to our needs?
2. When you feel ignored for extended periods of time, your sense of despair can turn into feelings of hopelessness you give up on trying to engage your spouse/partner and begin to retreat (this is a self-protective behavior in essence, you're cutting your losses). This may take the form of indifference, withdrawal behaviors, and disengaging from the relationship in general (and the responsibilities that are a part of the relationship).
Typically a protest reaction isn't random. Protest behaviors (getting really upset when your partner isn't responding in predictable ways that make you feel secure in the relationship) occur in a particular context; and the triggering event is usually feeling anxious about losing the security of your relationship.
Let's break down this reaction:
An unresponsive/disengaged/uninterested partner triggers increased anxiety and worry in the other partner, who then attempts to reengage the unresponsive partner (for example, "We need to talk," or "What's wrong?")and if the other partner is still not responsive, protest behaviors are triggered.
Your protest behaviors (whether your protest behaviors are perceived as nagging, pestering, yelling, or some kind of increased emotionality like anger) are unconscious attempts to try and correct the problem. It's an attention-grabbing reaction that will let your spouse know that something is wrong that needs fixing.
Think of protest behaviors as an alarm sounding in an effort to grab your partner's attention to what needs to be addressed.
Marital/relationship problems can arise when these temporary reactions (feeling one's spouse/partner is unconcerned and unresponsive) are not addressed and become ingrained patterns.
I hope this sheds some light on why you seem to get so upset with your spouse (or why we all get upset with our spouse/partner at times). Whenever we allow a loved one special access to our hearts, feeling ignored by this person is going to feel like a major deal.
Read more here on understanding your partner and why they are upset
1) If he says or does something you do not like…
Your Response: Address the bad behavior by stating, "That does not make me happy.”
Here's why: You may not believe this statement will make a difference. You may even believe that he will laugh or say he does not care. Well, that is a possible response, however; the trick is to outlast his bad behavior.
Remain distant until he approaches you. If he acts as if nothing is wrong simply reply, "I'm still upset about what you did/said." Do this, and I guarantee you will have his attention.
He will start to learn that whenever he is rude, inappropriate or behaves like a bully, you are not going to ignore his bad conduct. He will need to apologize and/or change his behavior, or you will continue to keep your distance.
2) If he says, “You look great!”…
Your Response: Say nothing. Look at him, and smile for 3 seconds.
Here's why: I bring up this specific issue because most women tend to minimize compliments. In many instances, a woman does not want to give the impression that she is conceited.
She wants to appear humble. If a man gives you something, even a quick compliment, he does not want you to trivialize it. He looks upon it as a form of turning him down. Remember, giving is a masculine characteristic, and receiving is a feminine quality. If a man gives you a form of praise, accept it gracefully, and enjoy it. A man would not compliment you if he were not sincere.
3) If he expresses doubts about your relationship…
Tell him- "O.K., I understand."
Here's why: It takes an extreme amount of courage to empathize with his reservations. Your fears may overwhelm you. Your instinct may be to cry, get angry, to argue or try to convince him that his doubts are unfounded and wrong. My advice is do not. Again, all you are to do is calmly say, “I understand.”
There is a significant reason why you should respond in this manner. Women who understand the secret to how men think know that if a man has expressed doubts about your relationship, he most likely no longer feels you are a mystery.
Memorize this phrase, "Men despise what comes easy, and crave what they can't get." This phrase applies to many things – including women.
In this situation, if you react to his doubts with the aforementioned pleasant and accommodating answer, he will start to feel as though maybe he does not understand you as well as he thought he did. Perhaps you are a mystery to him after all. Your seemingly impassive reaction will arouse his curiosity, and diminish his uncertainties.
The confident woman that men adore and never want to leave never begs or pleads with a man to stay with her. It takes bravery to maintain your dignity when you are afraid, but those women that have learned how to put their heart first unanimously say that the results are worth it.
4) What should you do if he shows Up thirty minutes (or more) late without a valid excuse? Note: Assuming he did not call to inform you that he would be late.
Your Response: When he finally does arrive, in a calm voice, tell him you are going to stay in for the evening. You can also remind him that he was supposed to arrive thirty minutes prior.
Here's why: You may believe this action to be petty or mean, but that is not the intention. When a man takes a woman for granted she should always create some distance.
Notice I mentioned that he was late, and he did not have a plausible reason for his tardiness. I am not talking about a man who is late because of circumstances beyond his control (i.e., his car would not start, traffic was rerouted due to an accident, etc.).
I am referring to an incident where a man is late, has no valid explanation for the delay, does not call to inform you he is running behind schedule, and acts indifferent about the episode. If you accept or excuse this type of behavior, you are actually training your man to treat you poorly in other areas of your relationship.
Read more on understanding how a man thinks here
When I ask women what they think the most powerful words they can say to a man would be, I’m usually given the replies, “I love you,” “You’re special” and “Yes, I’ll have sex with you.” While all of these statements are nice and sometimes very powerful, they won’t necessarily make him bond with you. The two words that cause nearly every man to feel closer to you are these:
Here's why these words have such an impact on his heart. Most women can multitask. They can listen easily even when they are focusing on something else. The problem for a man is that once he begins opening up, it feels really vulnerable.
He not only needs you to listen, but he also wants to feel like you're listening. He needs some sort of cue from you that what he's saying is important or that you're interested. Don't expect him to think like a woman and just "know" you're listening.
I want you to get credit when you pay attention to what he's saying. Rather than drop everything you are doing, all you need to do is remember the two magic words above and when to say them.
Here's what it looks like:
When he's talking, at some point he'll likely pause or just stop talking. He's not sure if you're paying attention. When you hear that pause, that is your chance to draw him closer to you. When he does pause, wait a second, and then look directly at him. In your softest most enchanting whisper say, "I'm listening."
He'll get goose bumps when he hears you say those words that will open his heart to you. Why?
Because it's unexpected. Because your soft whisper will penetrate his heart deeper than you spending an hour telling him how much you like him.
Because it will make him feel that you understand him. Don't expect him to tell you what I just described- just trust me on that. When you make a man feel this kind of connection, he doesn't want to talk about it...he wants to enjoy it.
Read more at www.winningatlove.com
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
What Can I Do To Get My Ex Boyfriend Back After A Breakup
Are you obsessed with the thought "What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back"? Does this single problem seem to occupy all your waking moments but, at the same time, you feel as if all your attempts to heal the breach with your ex just pushes him further away?
Maybe you are trying too hard to get your ex back, or maybe you are simply not going about it the right way. Try the following tips to increase the odds of you making up with your ex boyfriend.
It is perfectly normal for you to feel more worried and anxious the longer the split from your ex boyfriend continues, but your feelings of anxiety and insecurity could be causing you to behave in ways that will cause your ex to resist your attempts to get him back. You can't help your feelings, they are only natural; what you can do is stop letting those feelings dictate the way you behave.
Think about what you have been doing since the breakup. Have you been calling your ex on any pretext, or pestering him with text messages or emails? Do you find yourself hanging around places in the hope he will see you and feel sorry for you? You need to stop letting your whole life revolve around the single thought "What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back".
Instead of spending all your energy in trying to get your ex boyfriend back to seeing you or even just taking your calls, you need to follow the following strategy.
You have been missing your ex boyfriend, now you need to find ways to make him miss you. First of all break off all contact with your ex; don't call him, email him, text him or send messages via his friends. Resist the temptation to try to get a glimpse of him; as far as possible disappear from your ex boyfriend's life.
During this time, you will need a great deal of self-discipline to keep from falling back into the habit of trying to get your ex boyfriend back. Don't spend this time sitting around at home feeling lonely and thinking about how much you miss your ex and need to get him back. Concentrate on yourself; don't lose sight of the fact that you are a good and valuable person. You need to fill your spare time with positive things that will make you feel better. Do things like visiting an old friend, or learning to meditate, or joining a dance class (exercise will make you feel better both physically and mentally).
The old saying is true: absence does make the heart grow fonder. Your absence will give your ex boyfriend the chance to miss you; instead of feeling as if you are stalking him, your ex will not know what you are doing or how you are feeling. Giving him breathing space means he can start to miss hearing your voice on the phone, sharing fun with you, and seeing the face he loved. He can start worrying that you might have found somebody new.
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Read more relationship tips at www.winningatlove.com
Searching for Mr Right And the Perfect Relationship
By Carole Smith
For many contemporary women expectations that she should be married by the time she's in her mid-twenties would be scoffed at. Primarily because so many women are only just beginning to build their careers while others are doing what men did for years before them - they're playing the field and having fun
At somewhere around aged thirty-seven things begin to change if the woman is still single with not a hint of a decent man on the horizon. Strange things start to happen. For some a once distant ticking becomes a daily drum roll while others hear whispering voices getting a lot louder. Gone are the days of hearing the friendly, "when are you going to give us a day out" to "you'd better get a march on if you don't want to be left on your own." Fear begins to creep into her every pore followed by a fluttering panic and then a fever of sorts breaks out. Behaviour starts to change, sometimes it's focused, other times it's erratic, and then again, there are times when it's downright bizarre. Why? Because it's time to get serious and find the 'One.'
Some women who take up the mantra that 'it's now or never' will pull out all the stops to find a man so they can settle down quickly and start the process of becoming pregnant. You'll see her in bars and clubs scanning the room, smiling at everyone, and greeting each guy as she shimmies past. If by the end of the night, she hasn't been successful in finding a potential mate she'll strategically isolate an unsuspecting drunk guy who became separated from his friends. With luck, soon after they'll be meandering out together to find a taxi. "Maybe this time it will be right," she thinks fervently.
For the woman wanting a 'real' relationship, but with limited time and heavy work commitments she may try online dating. She pursues this new avenue with gusto and a military precision arranging multiple dates each week in her attempt to find 'Mr. Right.' After several weeks, she realises rather than meeting any potential Mr. Rights, she's meeting a whole lot of, 'Mr. I'm not really looking for a relationship just something casual.' Pretty soon she begins to feel like she's given countless interviews while conducting interviews of her own. Before long she's bone tired with the same old questions, 'so what do you work at...what do you do for your weekends...do you want to come back to mine after we leave here? Finally, she opts out disillusioned, immersing herself back in work - for a while at least until she's ready to try again.
There is the woman who through friendship or her social group knows a man who recently became single again. She'd never seen him as a potential partner before but she thinks, 'He's not my type...but maybe I should give it a chance.' They begin dating and while they have common interests, the longed for physical attraction isn't there. She grimaces when his hands caress her, she dreams of being elsewhere when they're intimate and all the while she reasons, "he's a good man, it's better than being alone."
And then there's my own experience some years back with the 'dating agency.' I met with the representative, a nice older lady, who had a long chat with me about my interests, and the type of man I thought would fit into my life. I liked her and so I paid over the fee that would guarantee me a minimum number of dates in the following year. After the first few dates, I began to feel a bit ticked off and wondered, 'Did she hear me at our meeting?' I had described my 'ideal' man (ok, we all have one!). However, each of my dates turned out to be about as polar opposite as one could get from the quirky humorous type of guy -- in a similar age bracket - that I had hoped to meet. I decided to confront the nice agency lady suggesting she might have misheard me when I described my ideal date. "Look dear," she said, "all the best men are married." Gobsmacked as I was then, to this day, I still don't know why she didn't just say what she meant. 'Look Dear, you're single, sure are you not happy enough getting out on a few dates.'
Finding the right person to love and be loved by isn't easy, yet even after failure we continue our search for the perfect relationship. But does it make sense when we know of the growing numbers of people living solo across Europe, the States and even in Ireland? Perhaps we ought to just accept our single status and get on with life. However we also know human beings are social animals, liking the company of others; there are even statistics to prove that we thrive better when we have people around. Isn't that why correctional institutions use isolation as punishment?
Maybe the answer as to why we continue in pursuit of a good relationship is simple. For one, you get to share your electricity and heating bills, you can debate 'til you're both blue in the face about a movie and joy of joys you don't have to pay single room supplements anymore. That aside and being a little more serious, much more than that is being able to share your innermost thoughts, fears, and hopes with someone who knows you well, who has your back, who cares about your welfare. Best of all is instead of the world revolving around just you, having a special someone in your life means there is someone else to look out for.
Now don't imagine even for a moment that singletons are anyway delusional. They are fully aware relationships are not always what they're cracked up to be. They've seen the couples who bicker and fight constantly, and know some who feel just as lonely in their relationship as they might in their solo living. But they will also know couples who make relationships look easy. They hear them laugh, see how they care for one another, and when the going gets tough, as it does even for them, they look on enviously at how they face whatever it is together. For those reasons, singletons will forever hold onto to the optimistic hope that someday they too will find their Mr. Right and the perfect relationship.
Carole Smith is a relationship counsellor, Life Coach and NLP practitioner. She also hosts seminars and workshops and has presented to women's groups, adult-education classes, and corporate organisations.
Find My True Love - Getting That Real Relationship
By Tina L. Jones
Have you had enough of dating to no avail and you simply want to find your true love? Are the nights of clubbing all night wearing you out and you want to settle down with a man who'll be your true love? Do you need a few tips to get you to your true love fast?
When we set out to date just for the fun of dating, everything seems so easy. Plenty of guys are out there looking to have fun and we're more than prepared to offer up a whole night of fun. However, when we finally decide to chuck all that aside and try to meet the man who'll be our true love, we don't know where to begin.
Read on to see how you can leave the dating scene and meet a man you can love for life.
A Change in Wardrobe
It's no secret. When a woman steps out with the hopes of landing a guy she can spend a few hot nights with, she dresses in a way that advertises that fact. Little is given up to chance, so low cut shirts and mini short skirts are the order of the day. We want to be seen and we want to catch the eye of every guy in the joint.
But when we make the shift from fun dating to a serious search for our true love, we forget to make that shift in our appearance, and we continue to strut our stuff in a way that isn't conducive to finding a really good man.
While men enjoy looking at hot and sexy women, there still remains a hint of concern with regards to taking these women seriously. Maintain a presentable level of sensuality, no more.
The Personality Takes It
Where overt sexuality and flashy looks work wonders on the frivolous dating front, it's your personality that has to shine when you want to find true love. He wants to talk to you, get to know you and give you a good idea of who he is.
Be as genuine as you can be and simply do all you can to have a good time with him. Ultimately you want a strong sense of comfort, trust and respect to grow between you. Let your fun personality build that bond.
Even as little girls, we picture our vision of our Prince Charming. He should be of such height, such weight, such coloring, such wealth. When we set out to find our true love, we cling to that vision, blindly refusing to settle for anything less.
Unfortunately, in our quest to meet the man we believe to be perfect, we actually allow a great number of men to pass right under our nose. Why? Because he's not as tall as we'd hope. He's a little heavier than we wanted. His hair is dark and coarse when you'd always dreamed of sandy curls.
Be realistic as you write out your Prince Charming list of characteristics. You may come to find that your true love is kind, generous and loving rather than tall, dark and handsome.
Want to learn more? Go to: 77 Secrets of Love and learn how to make him fall in love with you hopelessly.
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This article is contributed by Tina Jones from the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
Read more at www.winningatlove.com
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
In A Relationship, Do You Need Your Space? by Susan Kramper
Just how much space in a relationship is important? The solution hinges a great deal on the kind of relationship it is, and each person in it. Some folks do better whenever they re together regularly, and other people yearn for more of their personal space in a relationship.
The tough aspect is identifying a middle ground that both individuals are comfortable with. That is made even more challenging if you each have considerably varied viewpoints regarding togetherness as well as space. However so long as you can meet halfway on the level of space in a relationship that you each require, at that point you can answer this obstacle.
Many people don t prefer to be alone. They re a lot happier enjoying all their time with coworkers, buddies, loved ones and their partner. Whenever they re alone and undertaking activities on their own they appear a little lost and lonesome.
Many other individuals treasure their alone time. In the absence of a little peace and quiet regularly they feel overwhelmed and have a difficult time unwinding. They feel that they constantly need to be up or on with respect to other folks when they re around them, and it may possibly be exhausting.
These are two extremes, obviously. There are additionally a whole lot of individuals who gravitate someplace in the middle. They treasure the moment they spend with their loved one, however they in addition desire some me-time to balance it out and re-energize.
If either of you come under that middle ground, then determining your space in a relationship ought to be quite effortless. Also in case you each fall into the identical extreme group, in which you both equally are in need of lots of space and you both shun being alone, things are eased, also.
The complications come as soon as one has a considerably diverse idea than the other. If you enjoy your privacy and your mate hates being alone, you truly must converse and set up some boundaries. Each has to appreciate the other s perspective so you can develop a happy medium that makes you both feel your desires are fulfilled.
If you enjoy being alone daily for a while and your significant other yearns for company AROUND-THE-CLOCK, here s the issue. Once you say you require space in a relationship and go off by yourself, your partner will definitely feel overlooked presumably you don t wish to be near because of them.
And also if you dislike being alone and your sweetheart truly needs some me-time, then by hanging around continuously you can begin to make your other half feel smothered. Your partner might just even consider that there s no trust there, and you won t provide him or her private time considering you re scared of what they may do when you re not there.
You can easily see just how either of these circumstances could rapidly cause complications in a relationship. But if you speak with one another truthfully and candidly concerning how you feel, then whenever you require time your significant other will comprehend the reason.
And whenever he or she spends time when you 'd rather be alone, you understand that he or she doesn't desire the same type of space in a relationship that you do.
Amanda Scott is an expert when it comes to Relationships. To find out everything about Relationships, visit her website at http://www.attractlove.org/.
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