Sunday, March 18, 2012

How to make a relationship- Make a relationship last

How to make a relationship? A lot of people wonder how to be in a relationship and how to make a relationship last? The answer is honestly simple. Show acts of kindness to your partner and ALWAYS respect both yourself and your partner. Never allow yourself to be disrespected and never disrespect your partner. You should be with your partner because ultimately, they are your best friend. Yes, you will have disagreements and yes, you will have arguments. Yes, there will be times when you get so furious with them that you just want to explode. No relationship is perfect, no person is perfect, but in the long run, your partner should be your best friend. They should be your biggest confidante and supporter. I can't stress this enough to people. Don't hold grudges. We are all human and we all make mistakes. If you have a decent person with a bunch of wonderful qualities, hold on to them, be kind to them. Always remember that nobody is irreplacable and what you don't appreciate, someone else may come along and appreciate it. Everyone in this world wants to be appreciated deep inside. They may not admit it but they really do. I honestly believe that this is why the divorce rate is so high nowadays. We lose sight in appreciating each other. Yes, sometimes the grass may look greener on the other side- But is it? Sometimes, you take the gamble to check it out and you ultimately lose and than you end up with a bunch of regrets. It took me 6 years to marry my husband. We got together 10/10/04 and we married 10/10/10. We went through a bunch of rocky times but overall, he always remained my number one supporter. I went through a lot of emotional issues in my life and honestly, if I was him, I would have left me. I would have NEVER probably stuck by me the way he did (if I was him). That's real love. I started a whole self help journey a few years back and I honestly changed my life and my whole way of thinking. I thank God for leading me down that road. If you are interested in reading my story, I will post the link to my inspirational blog post (that's another blog) lol but I will post the link at the end of this post. I don't want to bore you with those details if you aren't interested LOL. I don't blame you. I am not interested in reading or remembering my past either haha

Relationships do take work. To make a relationship work takes work, compromise and change. There is a reason why John Gray took the time and energy to write the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I have read that book and loved it. There is so much truth in it. If you haven't read it, go to the library, check it out and read it.

I have learned to overlook some of my pet peeves whereas my husband is concerned because I cherish his good. Him and I both agree that divorce is never in our vocabulary. I know that sounds crazy but it's true in our relationship. We believe in making our relationship last. We are each other's best friend, each other's biggest supporter as we grow in our lives and yes, we bicker like cats and dogs LOL. We support and challenge each other. Do we both know that we each have each other's backs always??? Absolutely.

Kindness in a relationship is so important. I always look for the good in my husband even when he is driving me nuts with problems or annoyances. Remembering and cherishing the good makes a big difference in the quality of a relationship. This is how you make a relationship last.

How do I practice kindness in my own relationship? I do it in many ways. Ways that really don't require a lot of work. I pack my husbands lunch a lot for work. My husband is really bad in that area. He would rather just buy out everyday. I pack my lunch probably 3 days a week and buy out two (buying out gets expensive :-( ). In our younger years together, it would drive me crazy that my husband wouldn't pack his lunch. I used to think that I wasn't his mother and that I shouldn't have to pack his lunch. That's a shallow way of thinking. No, I don't have to pack his lunch (just the same as he doesn't have to pick up the slack in areas that I lack in). The older I get, the more I realize that him and I are a team. It is easier for me to just pack his lunch when I pack mine and we don't have as many money fights (because he isn't buying out so much). In the same aspect, I have a really tough time dealing with my father who lives a thousand miles away. He comes to visit 3 weeks out of the summer. He is an alcoholic. He is addicted to prescription drugs and is bipolar. I have a really hard emotional time dealing with him (even when he just calls on the phone). I love him, he is my father but he is an emotional downer for me. What does my husband do when he comes to town or calls in one of his manic stages? My husband (my best friend) totally steps up to the plate and deals with him. Yes, I should be able to deal with my own father but yet, I can't. My husband knows that and he's so good with dealing with my father. He will take him out for hours on our boat or just take him somewhere away from me because he knows that it emotionally drains me and I suffer from it. My dad does live a thousand miles away so it's not an everyday struggle but he does call a lot in manic mode and I really struggle with this. My husband will sit there and talk to him on the phone just so I don't have to (and I know that he probably doesn't want to be on that phone either but he knows that it causes me a deep emotional pain and he hates to see me hurting). Again, it has always been a bad emotional struggle for me whereas my father is concerned. My husband knows that so he tries to protect me from that. Do I complain if I am packing his lunch while he is talking to my dad on the phone?? LOL!! NO. Even when he's not dealing with my dad, I still pack his lunches and I put him a napkin in his lunch and I write on the paper towel, I love you. Have a great day XOXO
He enjoys that. I always call him on his lunch break just to ask him how his day is going and I blow kisses to him on the phone. I let him know that I am interested in his day. I am interested in him. When he is fussing about work,I listen. I don't try to fix it. I often just try to crack a joke about it to make him laugh. When he is having a bad day, I tell him what I love about him. When he's having an awful day at work and comes home, I look at him and say "Gee, that bad day must have made your butt look better because your butt is looking a lot firmer and cuter today" and I pinch his butt. That always makes him laugh. I know it's corny but sometimes laughter is the best medicine. :-) I just believe in doing something special for my husband each day. I accept his areas where he is weak and I love the areas that he is strong.

Patience is not just a virtue, it's a useful tool for all aspects of life. When it comes to marriage, patience is vital in helping you understand the complexities of committing your life to another person. Let me add to this post by saying that both my husband and I have daughter's from prior relationships. Above all hurdles that we have overcome, we have dealt with the blended family ordeals as well. We have two beautiful daughters (10 and 13). My daughter's father is not in the picture. My husband has been her father and they have a wonderful relationship. On the other hand, I deal with a lot of baby mama drama on the side of my step-daughter LOL. It's OK though- I love my husband and my step-daughter with all my heart so I make the effort to make it all workout in the end.

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As promised, my links back to my journey of self help. Click through the main page- Take my quotes to heart and click through to read my story Enjoy

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