The third principle of love is the light of awareness, the tool for getting away from emotional challenge and suffering. It is the simplest of tools, for it is our birthright, but it is also the most challenging of capacities to master.
Naturally, the mind will try to dodge and weave, to utilize denial, delusion, stupor and loads of other crafty means to avoid seeing what otherwise lies right in front of our nose. Obviously, there is no one who wants the pain of perceiving their own individual frailty, hurts and unmet wants. So although many of us pay lip-service to the great worth of awareness, to some degree we all stay clear of it.
Arguably the ideal method for building powers of awareness is meditation. Yet even in meditating we dodge and weave, viewing and experiencing everything we need to see and experience and effectively avoiding the rest. My personal favorite technique for gaining awareness is a combo of meditation and main relationship.
Meditating is the very best practice for improving awareness. And main relationship is the reflection in our face that shows us our every limitation. Every reaction to our partner, every bit of rage, hurt or blame is an excellent red-flag, asserting that within us some thing is murky and in need of our attention.
Don't Leave Your Partner....When You're Only Attempting to Run From Yourself
After discovering a long list of our partner's limitations, we occasionally reach the realization that we have started to outgrow them, that maybe it is the perfect time to move on. It's possible it is. But how do we know? To start with, it is key to keep in mind that all partners have their deficits. Ben Franklin's professional recommendation was to continue to keep both eyes open before marriage, to ensure we look cautiously at who we choose to settle down with, then to ensure they are half shut afterwards, once in a relationship, to give the other reasonable latitude.
Yet there's another totally different perspective from which to view our partner. A lot of their less-than-perfect behaviors are simply just their reactions to our less-than-perfect behavior, their defending response to our offensiveness. While we are withholding or cool, they might act needy or mad. If we are critical, they may be emotionally or sexually withholding.
We are able to greatly embellish in our brains a partner's deficits whenever we transfer our father's or mother's behaviors onto them. Occasionally, even a mate's mild behavior; say a marginally controlling quality or a pretty minor insensitivity can cause us to project onto them a mother's or father's long-ago, abusively regulating or insensitive behavior. We can then enter a downward spiral of disproportionate anger or blame, which could actually create our spouse's limiting or insensitive habits.
Irrespective of the reason behind our partner's true or perceived deficits, probably 99.4% of the circumstances that individuals tell ourselves that we have outgrown our companion, we're fooling ourselves. (Alternatively, it is often the abused individuals who ought to be on their way, but who are sure they just need to go the extra mile.)
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