The loss of a relationship is a painful experience. The pain you experience can seriously diminish your own well being and sense of self-worth. You can, however, use this failed relationship to your own benefit and learn from it. You will eventually decide to date again and seek a new love. There are lessons to be learned from this last relationship when looking for a new mate in anticipation of something long-term and secure. In order to avoid a similar fate you should look for the following:
1. Criticize, complain about, or reject other people easily.
2. Seek continual affirmation in ways that may become tiresome in time.
3. Seem overly sensitive, especially in her appearance.
4. Enjoy playing games of power, who is right or wrong.
5. Affect your own behavior by playing roles such as the child, the parent, the goddess, or some other role.
6. Fail to communicate, as an adult should, often making you "guess" her needs.
7. Reflect a lack of self-esteem or self-respect, such as worried about herself "getting old".
8. Have inner conflicts, demonstrated by indecision or times of irrational
9. Discuss materialistic or financial wealth desires unrealistically.
10. Relate worth of a gift or item in proportion to its cost
You will also want to explore her past relationships. As the opportunity arises ask about her past relationships in a way that it appears you are looking for the faults of her past men and not her own. You are looking for a pattern in her, by asking about them.
What hurtful things did your partner do in your last relationship?
What hurtful things did your partner do in the relationship before that?
What about the relationship before that?
Do her answers indicate a constant lack of communication or distancing by her partners? Perhaps she cited money issues as a constant reason? These could indicate that she was the one who did not know how to communicate or wanted materialistic things from a relationship, as some women are only concerned with what they receive or what their mate possesses. She may have large debts or overextended herself on items she purchased on credit, indicating that she has no idea how to manage her own money â�" which will likely affect your money as she will look to you for financial aid. Did her relationships last only a few months or, at most, a couple of years before she was dumped or left on her own? Reasons she cites may be different than given here but if constant, could indicate that she brought on the problem in her past relationships, rather than them. She may have the inability to stay in a relationship once the burning desire that initialized it becomes less intense. It is for you to reason out these things, while still unemotionally attached before moving further into the relationship.
Do not expect that her relationship with you will be different from the others she had. Heed warnings from those who know her and her past. Though we may not want to believe what they tell us there is often an indication of a problem with a woman if many who were not intimate with her tell you of her lack of independence or inability to maintain a long-term relationship.
Some women (as well as men) use a relationship as a stepping stone or a wayside stop, as they only hope to find something they think is "better." It's the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" syndrome. They either keep jumping the fence or the one they jumped to eventually recognizes them for what they are and jumps first. These women do not understand the value of love in a relationship but only in the monetary wealth they believe it should provide. They are often self-centered, selfish, and easily persuaded by others who give advice on dating someone new at work, one of their friends, or someone they know, who may have money or power. Though they may not have bragging rights to a New York City street corner, they are only less blatant in how they conduct themselves through life.
Mr.Dees, author of The Aphrodite Apocalypse, continues writing in his retirement. Mr. Dees currently enjoys writing on subjects that he finds of interest, including nostalgia items, western antiques, and computers