What men want in women

What men want in women

What Men Want In A Woman: Positive Women

Author: Jack Keys

What men want in a woman is someone who is positive in life. This isn't another article about telling you how to see the glass as half-full, it's more so an article that explains why men need a woman who is positive. If she is positive about her outlook in life, as well as how she feels about herself, the man will shower her with affection naturally. There's nothing you can't love about a woman who's positive, unless she's unnaturally positive all the time. Here are three aspects of life your husband wants to see that you're more positive about.

1. Yourself

You can't love anyone who doesn't love themselves. Some women simply can't take it if they give themselves praise. They think that by praising themselves, they're relaxing, or dropping their guard.

What's so attractive about a woman who's on guard all the time? My sister is an example of someone who is never happy with herself. Whatever you have, someone else might kill to have.

2. What you own

There are plenty of women out there who wish that they have more than what they currently own. They either express their wishes to their husbands, or they simply envy other women who have more than they do.

Like I said in the previous post, you have a lot that many women would never even have the chance to own. By realizing this and being more appreciative of what you have, you will start emitting vibes that make you easier to love. That's also how the abundance mindset works!

3. Us! (your husband)

Us guys aren't perfect. You did get married to us, so can you remember why you married us? If you can't remember, just realize that plenty of women out there die alone. Would you be happy dying alone?

Of course you wouldn't. No one would. If you're more positive, hopefully you're come to appreciate us more too. Maybe the reason that you're not getting much love from us is because you're simply taking us for granted.

What men want in a woman is someone who's positive. She appreciates us for what we are, what she owns and her own assets. Women who can do this are easier to love. If you think that you're not positive enough, just take a trip to some of the seedier parts of your town. Or if you get the change to go to a third-world country, that will open up your eyes.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/what-men-want-in-a-woman-positive-women-4833690.html

About the Author

Which is better: relationship advice from a woman who's had a lot of experience with men, or having the man of your dreams tell you exactly what you have to do to never make him look at another woman ever again?

The second thing is too good to be true, but if you visit http://HerSecretWeapon.com, you'll learn something just as powerful: the ability to find out what you're doing that's making men not want to be close to you.

I've also got a short, 13-page report up at http://JackKeys.com that will show you 10 ways to stop your man from leaving you for someone better. But be quick... these links might have to be removed soon and I can't promise that they'll be there tomorrow.

Read more here at www.winningatlove.com

What makes a healthy relationship

What makes a healthy relationship

Simple Advice on Healthy Relationships: It Only Takes Eight Things To Succeed

Author: Eightcow Relationship

When it comes to building and maintaining a healthy relationship, a certain amount of compromise and sacrifice needs to be made by both parties. This is not something that's hard or arduous; it's made in the spirit and feeling of loving a person to the point where you want to be the best person you can be for the other person. It means that changing and sacrificing a "me first" attitude for a "we first" feeling is the most natural thing around.

While love may happen in an instant, it feels like a massive dose of the drug "emotion". It can bowl you over in feeling the warmth and comfort of being with the other person. This feeling can last a lifetime, but its sustainability can come with "I'm sorry's" when things go awry, no resentment and blending of two things that are both pragmatic and fanciful. It will always lead to positive actions so that there are no regrets for missed opportunities.

Healthy relationships have give and take. While first love is highly charged and emotional, true, lasting love is series of quiet giving from each person involved in the relationship. It melds two people together around their strengths and weaknesses. Where one is weak, the other is strong and can willingly pick up the load and vice versa.

People think that the number 7 is lucky, that personal growth and a healthy relationship is based on utilizing seven principles, seven lucky tips, and the like. While this may be true in some cases, in relationships, there are actually eight traits that need to work in concert for the relationship to be healthy and happy. Without these components, a relationship will be out of balance in some way, and it probably won't stand the test of time.

The magic number in any relationship is eight. You need to have eight traits to have a healthy relationship that lasts forever. Think about it, if you turn an eight on its side, you get the infinity symbol, so the universe was probably trying to tell human beings something. There are eight qualities that should be brought to the relationship including trust and confidence, a passion for life, wisdom and humor, financial responsibility, a spiritual nature, an awe for the beauty of life and a commitment maintaining romance and intimacy in the relationship.

Let's look at financial responsibility. In a relationship where there is no financial responsibility, there is always a high level of stress, fights and eventual separation. Most people's biggest battles are over money, so you need to have the trait of financial responsibility in order to maintain a healthy relationship. Without it, there's strife, strain and arguments.

Romance and intimacy is another biggie. Without it, relationships dissolve and reasons for staying together begin to lose their impact. Emotions either disappear, stress builds and eventually arguments ensue. In the worst cases, there aren't even arguments, just disinterest and a drifting apart between two people who used to be madly in love.

Some of the best advice you should remember is that these are just two the eight traits that when not present causes a relationship to sicken and die. Having all eight traits in place is necessary to maintain a long term healthy relationship. Without one or two of them, a relationship is unbalanced, and unbalanced relationships generally lead to dissolution.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/simple-advice-on-healthy-relationships-it-only-takes-eight-things-to-succeed-5704596.html

About the Author

Best Relationship Advice, The Eight-Cow Relationship employs principles that are foundational and effective.It will help you create the love and relationship you have always wanted and more.

Read more on what makes a healthy relationship at www.winningatlove.com

Dealing with criticism in relationship

Dealing with criticism in relationship

Can Criticism Hamper Relationships?

Author: Satarupa

Criticism not only destroys your relationship but it also destroys your partner's life. If you continuously keep on criticizing your partner, it will not only hurt his or her pride but will also leave a permanent scar in their heart forever. Criticism in relationships is the first sign of an emerging problem that can ultimately ruin the very foundation of your relationship.

A closer look

Relationships are based on trust and cooperation under any circumstances. In a relationship, you tend to overlook your partner's shortcomings and instead focus on their positive characters. However, as your relationship progresses and becomes old, you seem to focus mainly on your partner's faulty personalities and overlook his or her positive attributes, which once attracted you.

You would no longer like to call your partner with sweet names like sweetie, honey, love kitten or other lovable names that you used during the first stage of your relationship. You will continuously remain in the state of resentment and frustrated and the only way for you to get over your resentment is to criticize your partner for every little fault. However, one thing you would not realize at that time is that your partner is not the cause for your frustration and anger that is stemming inside you.

It is generally believed that human beings tend to criticize others because of their own miserable conditions and disappointment. The same theory also applies in a relationship. If your partner keeps on criticizing you then it is probable that your partner is going through some serious problems and might have been facing disappointment for a long time. Destructive criticism in relationships has been the primary cause for many breakups and divorces and if you want your relationship to prosper for the rest of your life then the best way is trying to figure out the root cause of your failing relationship.

The downside explained further

Constant criticism can end a relationship and so, if you find yourself criticizing your partner frequently then you are surely suffering from a lot of problem and you find hard to accept the real failures and miseries of your life. The perfect way of handling criticism in a relationship is to confront your partner who has been criticizing you lately. Try to delve into their problems and if possible lend your help in solving those problems.

An end note

Very soon, you will realize that your partner had been criticizing you for the last two or three months because of being denied a promotion, because of a bad investment or because of gaining weight rapidly. Hence, bringing out the problem on the surface will not only stop the criticism but will also help your relationship to prosper.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/can-criticism-hamper-relationships-5750611.html

About the Author

Satarupa is a freelance writer and independent content manager. She takes a keen interest in writing on travel, finance, immigration and relationships. Apart from being a writer, she is a budding entrepreneur. Fiercely dedicated in both personal and professional lives can be a statement to describe her best.

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Affairs of the heart

Affairs of the heart

Emotional Affair

Author: Dale L. McClure

Fidelity is an important component of a good relationship. However, it is true that every stable relationship faces several threats.

One is an emotional affair.

Can this type of affair be a deterrent to a stable relationship?

An "emotional affair" is a happening or event, which omits or leaves out any physical intimacy but involves emotional intimacy. It starts innocently as friendship and could aptly be termed an affair of the heart.

In this affair, one partner enters into monogamous relationship; an emotional affair is a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation. When the affair ends the monogamous relationship, infidelity is the result.

An emotional affair is harmful to a committed relationship more than a one night stand or casual sex. Studies revealed that men are especially affected by proofs of their partner's sexual infidelity, while women are more bothered by signs of emotional infidelity.

Many people believe that since there is no sexual involvement; emotional affair is not immoral. But based on the concept that an affair involves secrecy, deception and betrayal, it is outside the norm of morality.

In the midst of this kind of affair, the person continues denying that it is a harmful one but this is a ploy to overcome guilty feelings.

The relationship is an emotional affair when:

1. You keep your meetings and conversations secret from your partner.

2. You say and do things with someone which you have never say or done to your spouse.

3. You arrange to have private talks and spend time with the other person.

4. You share many time and confidences with the other person rather than with your partner.

Answer these questions honestly and determine if you are having an emotional affair:

1. Do you refrain telling your spouse how much time you spend or talk with the other person?
2. Do you confide to this person more about your day than to your spouse?
3. Do you also reveal to him your marital dissatisfaction?
4. Do you make yourself physically attractive for him?
5. Whether orally or in action, is there a sexual attraction between you?
6. Would you feel uneasy if your spouse saw you together?

If your answer is "yes" to two or more of these questions, get out of the situation. You are on your way to marital infidelity! Our culture makes it easy for any person to enter and stay involved in an emotional affair.

Men and women who are working together and traveling for business together will ultimately forge close relationships. They keep in touch through their phones, mobile, text or instant message. Internet is often the culprit for it is the venue where most affairs commence.

People are given the opportunity to reconnect with friends from their past, as well as, develop good relationship new ones in many social networking sites.

To shield yourself from the temptation of starting such affair, you can follow these tips:

1. Do not be a flirt. Flirting leads to attractions and warm feelings you will start to crave.

2. Be cautious when you are at work and on the Internet. These are dangerous venues where emotional affairs typically begin.

3. Consider the state of your marriage. The more dissatisfied you are with your spouse the more likely you will start an affair.

4. Don't go out without a companion with an old lover. If you have lost all the warm feelings for him, bring along your spouse.

5. Don't build friendship with others who are unfaithful to their partners. You are likely influenced by their state of morality.

Once you have started to get involved in this kind of affair, it will cause you guilty feelings and remorse.

Many marriages crumble after undergoing such an affair. Rebuilding trust for you and your partner will take a lot of efforts and patience.

If you have an affair, you need to admit it and rectify your ways:

1. Make a complete break, no compromises by just staying as friends.

2. Be responsible to face the situation. Accept it and make a clean break.

3. Ask yourself why you allow it to happen? Is it the state of your marriage? Your desire to build self-esteem? Unconsciously repeating the actions of your cheating parent? Understand the underlying reasons why you get into this mess.

4. Betrayal was the fly in the ointment. Exert your best effort to develop trust.

Time is a healer but it takes a long time to rebuild a trust after an emotional affair. Patience is your friend. Do not expect your spouse to forgive and forget right away.

Allow time to heal the wound and things to get better again with your partner or spouse.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/emotional-affair-5409040.html

About the Author

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Opposite sex friendships

Opposite sex friendships

Opposite sex friendships can be healthy and normal but some opposite sex friendships are playing with fire. When opposite sex friends truly are "just friends", their friendship does not interfere in any way with their marriages or current relationship. If you are spending time socializing with your friend of the opposite sex at the expense of time with your spouse or current partner then your friendship should probably be looked at more closely. Are you running from your current relationship?

Good friends will talk and spend time with one another. If your opposite sex friendship is innocent, there will be no secretiveness. In fact, it's likely that your spouse or significant other will participate in getting together and be OK with it.

The real ingredient to watch for in opposite sex friendships is attraction. Are you physically attracted to that friend? Do you "have feelings"? Do you fantasize about that person? If you are, you are swimming in dangerous waters. It is natural to feel attracted to someone of the opposite sex, we are all human. We look, we fantasize but if you are emotionally attracted to an opposite sex friend, you run the risk of having an affair. It's not so much how you feel, it's what you do with those feelings that make a difference.

Friendship plus physical/emotion attraction is a combination that you need to be extra careful with. The more opportunity that you have to spend time with that other person (meetings, emails, text messages, phone calls), the greater the chance that you will develop an emotional or physical affair. It only takes one slip up to turn your whole life upside down and the life of your family also.

You don't have to necessarily end your friendship if you have a physical attraction to your friend of the opposite sex, but you must take steps to put up walls. Use that energy to break down the walls between you and your spouse or partner. One step without the other is probably pointless.

Opposite sex friendships can be wonderful, but romantic feelings must not be allowed to flourish. A deep affection for a friend of the opposite sex is possible without it being a threat to your marriage or current relationship but you must be careful. Again, there's a thin line if there is an attraction. If you do have a strong physical attraction, you need to reduce your time together.

Remember that happy, mature partners aren't jealous; neither do happy partners give one another a reason to feel jealous.

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How to save a long distance relationship

How to save a long distance relationship

Save a Long Distance Relationship - How To Bridge The Miles

Author: Beverley Watts

Unless you met online, the chances are that your relationship didn't start out as a long distance one and, while making that transition can be very difficult, you certainly don't immediately envisage having to think how to actually save a long distance relationship!

Unfortunately, this point is very often reached a lot quicker than most people imagine because the vast majority of us have no experience and really don't know (or haven't given any real thought to) how to actually make a long distance relationship work and consequently save a long distance relationship if it goes wrong. The naive view is that love will conquer all.

Regrettably it doesn't!

Long distance relationships take work and commitment, but if you're prepared to make the effort necessary, the rewards far outweigh the negative aspects. However, while that's true, very often couples don't actually realize that there needs to be a major change in attitude on both sides when one or the other is forced to move away for whatever reason, and the result is that many people really do struggle with the shift in thinking that is necessary to save a long distance relationship.

If you have truly reached the point where you need to save your long distance relationship, there are various strategies that you can both implement immediately. However, the biggest caveat to getting your long distance relationship back on track is that you have BOTH got to want to. If either of you are not prepared to put in the effort, then my advice would be to walk away now.

So just how do you save a long distance relationship?

1. First of all, you both need to reaffirm your love for each other. You may think this isn't necessary, but the chances are that one or both of you have lost sight of why you're actually putting yourselves through this. You need each other's reassurance that the love really is still there underneath of the crap that's gotten in the way.

2. Communication is king! I'm sure that you've heard this a myriad of times when dealing with a long distance relationship; but however tired you are of hearing it said, written or even sung about, the simple fact is that it's true. And more than that, you have to tell each other exactly what your contact expectations are – what you will be happy with as a minimum. For you, a telephone call twice a week may be sufficient while your significant other could be thinking more along the lines of twice a day plus texts! Of course there has to be a level of compromise, but you do need to decide what your minimum interaction needs are; when and how you're going to communicate and then stick to it. If either of you are unable to keep a phone assignation, then you should let your partner know about it as soon as possible, and ensure that you make another date. It all sounds very clinical but it really is vital that you understand each other's basic communication needs.

3. Once you've got your basic communication needs sorted out, then you can start to think creatively. There are lots of little (and not so little) ways that you can show your lover that you're thinking of them. Hand written letters; e-cards; simple texts and even small gifts can all go a long way to bringing you closer together.

4. If you want to save your long distance relationship, then you need to bridge the miles and recreate the bond that's lost when you don't have that physical connection. Real intimacy is not about being in the same room; it's about sharing yourself with your partner, and you can do that even if you're thousands of miles apart. Keep your lover up to speed about the little things that happens to you throughout your day – even things that you maybe wouldn't think of sharing if you were going to see each other that evening. This doesn't have to take long, a quick text or e-mail; nobody is asking you to write a ‘dear diary' (though you can if you want to!) Sharing the trivial things will help to bring both of you closer together and recreate that all important connection.

5. Save a long distance relationship by reigniting the spark and making ‘special' time for each other. Just because you're not able to see each other often, it doesn't mean that you can't have a date together. It comes back to creative thinking. There are so many video chat options available now that eating a meal or watching a movie together really is possible, even when you're a bunch of miles apart.

These are just some simple strategies that you can put into action quickly to save your long distance relationship. But of course it may not be that simple. You may have trust issues or be finding it really difficult to open up to your partner and say exactly how you feel. If that's the case, you might want to consider seeking help from an outside source that will help you both to re-connect and bring back the spark that you've lost.

One last thing: If you can both begin to remember why you fell in love in the first place, you really are half way there to recreating the all important connection that can save a long distance relationship.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/save-a-long-distance-relationship-how-to-bridge-the-miles-4571638.html

About the Author

If you want help to save a long distance relationship and get back the closeness you've lost, visit http://www.savingalongdistancerelationship.com for help.

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Listening in a relationship

Listening in a relationship

The best communication in a relationship happens when people take time to listen. Listening in a relationship is so important. This isn't always an easy task though especially if you feel that you are being attacked or if you are vulnerable to criticism. The trick is to give your partner attention with the sole intention of understanding them. It is also important to know how to make requests of your partner. The best requests are made in simple, direct language and delivered without the fear of rejection. Playful requests can really work too.

Learning the concept of listening in a relationship is to be aware of the different types of listening and not to utilize a form of listening that may extend the argument and contribute to hurt feelings. Stick to involved, active listening that keeps the argument heading to a peaceful resolution.

What are the different methods of listening in a relationship and what to avoid?

* "I'm Right" listening method- Many people communicate using an "I'm Right" method of listening. This is just like it sounds- the whole time that your partner is talking, all you can think about is how you are going to rebut everything that they say because "You are right". When you listen this way, much of your partner's communication gets lost and you never hear the point that is being made.

* "That reminds me" listening method- This is when you can't listen to your partner because you are too busy going off on a tangent. For instance, your partner says they don't like when you leave the garage door open and you respond by reminding them that they didn't take the trash out like they should have. Your partner can't get their point across and their feelings heard because you are too busy being defensive and having a rebuttal argument. If you keep throwing up past mistakes then the issue at hand will never have a real chance of being solved.

* "Whatever" listening method- When you are not engaged in a conversation because you are too tired or simply uninterested in the topic, you are not taking in what your partner is saying. This type of listening method is passive-aggressive because, by refusing to give the conversation the attention that it deserves, you are telling your partner that you do not care about their needs.

* "I'm involved" listening method- This type of listening is the most effective type. When you give your partner 100 percent of your attention, you give off a vibe that shows that you are interested. You maintain eye contact, nod when you understand their point, raise questions without interrupting when you don't understand what they are saying. In return, your partner is more involved in listening and understanding your feedback. This listening method is the most effective way to resolve any argument, but it will take both of you to practice listening in a relationship.

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Tips to Improve Listening Skills - How to Be a Better Listener in Your Relationship

Author: Toby Hardwick

In any relationship, listening is very important. If only people try to listen, problems would have been easier to solve. Listening is the first aid to any problem. When we have time to listen, we get the chance to understand situations better. And since we get a better understanding of the situation, we get to weigh things and conclude for a better solution.

Don't you agree? I really think that if only we learn to listen, we will have a stronger grip on the word understanding. These two words cannot be separated from each other. Listening and understanding come hand in hand. If you don't listen, you won't understand. It is that plain simple.

Now, how can we become better listeners in the relationship? What does it take? How can we improve our listening skills? Here are some tips on how to become one.

In a fight…

Focus.

In a heated conversation, also known as "a fight," instead on blocking the other party through shouting back, why not focus on keeping your mouth shot first. Try not to talk and just listen. Open your ears. It doesn't matter if every word she says is taking your blood to its boiling point. Listen to her points. Listen to the reason why she is ranting. Listen to her qualms. Absorb every word that she is saying.

Process.

Process what she is ranting about. As I have mentioned above, listening comes hand in hand with understanding. It is important that as you listen, you try to comprehend what she is trying to say. Make sure that you don't just listen but, you also understand. This way you will be able to set the issues in a clearer manner.

Take down mental notes.

As you listen and understand, take down mental notes of the things that you think need resolving, explaining or apologizing for. Don't just think of rebuttals. Don't set your mind on the premise that every single thing that she is saying is wrong. You might be surprised. She might be telling you something that is worth your acceptance and is in need of correction.

Again, process.

After you have made your mental notes, you have to, yet again, process what you have gathered. Think it over. Make sure that you have understood every point she tried to make. If you haven't, set that point aside and ask questions later.

Spill your piece.

Once she's done, it's your turn. Remember that meeting anger with another feiry anger won't do anyone any good. It is best to stay calm as you lay down your cards. Tell her your side of the story. Explain what you have to explain then apologize for what you have to apologize for. Then, ask her the questions that are bugging your mind. Do the same process as she talks.

When she has a problem…

There are times when all she needs is just an ear. So before you give your two cents worth, better ask her first if she needs one. She may just want to rant about how awful the day was. Just keep quiet. Let her talk. Listen to what she is saying. And when she asks for your opinion, that is the only time for you to talk.

Remember that even in a romantic relationship, unsolicited advice is still, at times, not needed. You might be itching to give your thoughts about the thing she's talking about but all she might need is an ear and not your talking mouth. It is also like that with us guys, right?

Sometimes, all she needs is your hug, comforting pat on the head and a sweet kiss.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/tips-to-improve-listening-skills-how-to-be-a-better-listener-in-your-relationship-2901575.html

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Make your man know how you feel

How To Get Him To Want To Know How You Feel

For so long, women have asked this simple, but elusive question, "Why does he shut down when I start to talk about how I feel and what I want?" What seems so perplexing is that they can remember a time (usually early in their dating relationship) when they felt they could say
anything to him without hesitation. In addition, they can also remember that he actually seemed to enjoy these discussions that were often full of emotions. So they are left to ask themselves, "Why did he change?" or even worse..."What did I do wrong?"

Let me explain what's happening to him during this process. Men have the capacity to feel emotions for shorter periods of time than women. Put another way, when men feel, they feel intensely, and then they crash. This applies to sex, when they feel romantic and anything else in their life that arouses their passions. Even though I hear women tell me that they understand this point, I have found it is still hard for them to accept when this scenario happens in their relationships.

When a man is very attentive and hyper focused on what you are saying, I want you to remember this...it isn't going to last. Even though it feels wonderful to be adored in such a captivating manner that is often intoxicating, you must remind yourself not to expect it to last indefinitely. The good news is that if you know how to respond when he does pull away, you will hasten his emotional awakening to you.

The process looks like this:

A man feels intensely about you. Then he cools off (he needs to take an emotional break). Then he warms up again and feels intensely. Then he cools off. Continue and repeat.

Here are the things you shouldn't do. In fact, if you take the following actions, he'll stay emotionally distant for much longer:

Don't ask him to explain his feelings. Don't tell him how much it hurts you when he doesn't talk. Don't beg him to ........(Really, don't ever beg him for anything. You'll end up driving him away). Instead you should do the following. When he is quiet, sit with him. Don't say anything. When you do this, both of you will find that it becomes just a bit tense - uncomfortable. You want this to happen. Silence is uncomfortable. If you can practice allowing there to be silence between both of you, you will notice him beginning to ask you questions.

"What's wrong," he'll say. You should not respond, just smile. At that moment he is curious and now you'll have him thinking and wondering. Because most women would never consider such a tactic, you stand out in his eyes.

Shortly, he'll not only start talking, but he'll find himself focused on you

Visit more here on www.winningatlove.com

Ruining a relationship

Ruining a relationship

5 Key Things That can Ruin Your Relationship

Author: Samuel fabulous

A perfect relationship can get ruined in an instant. Small problems, lack of consideration and lack of communication could end a great love story.

Sometimes relationships end by small problems that remain forgotten until it turns into something important. Every relationship can evolve, provided both are willing to put effort and commitment to make it work. Otherwise, problems will continue to accrue until either party is unable to take it anymore.

Monotony
Been a while since the last relationship has been very exciting. The two can not surprise each other. Every day is like the previous one. The partners know what to expect from each other and how to react in every situation.

Relationships end when the monotony affects every aspect of being together. It is present in the media, in the bedroom and how the two handle difficulties together.

When a relationship becomes routine, which will require a radical change of things to start working again. Otherwise, the risk to remain two very unhappy for the rest of their lives.

Jealousy
Jealousy and possessiveness have ruined many relationships. These feelings are far from constructive. They can cause pain, distrust and anger among the partners.

Jealousy is far from being an expression of love pool. This is to try to control the lives of a couple. Love means letting others live and enjoy life. Jealousy means trying to control and monitor everything that is happening.

Jealousy over a serious problem that requires special attention if the relationship is working. Kill the intimacy and tenderness. There is nothing constructive about jealousy and everyone should be aware of the problems associated with it.

Being overly critical
In the beginning of a relationship, the partners try to make each other happy. They pay attention to the words and signs of affection.

Since both feel more comfortable with each other, which could become overly critical. This criticism is often confused with open communication. However, criticism can be productive only when it is constructive and presented in a way that is harmless.

Many people are exceptionally critical of your partner. This habit can often become the main reason for a break.

The lack of privacy
The physical aspect of a relationship is as important as the emotional and intellectual connection.

Some couples stop having sex after some time. The excitement fades. It is not passion, now becomes a duty. Routine sexual life of the relationship kills as does the lack of communication.

Sexual problems require special attention. Sex is an integral part of a relationship. The problems in the private sphere will lead to tension and anger, which ultimately can lead to the end of the love story.

No Compromise
A relationship connects sometimes painful decisions. It requires commitment and willingness to support a partner in difficult times. Coping with the peculiarities of each can often become a problem.

The lack of commitment can ruin a relationship. Two different people can not coexist without giving up some personal freedoms. It's about discovering the right environment and the balance between individuality and become part of a couple.

Many relationships are ruined because of simple problems that the partners had to overcome difficulties together. Love sometimes can end because of a ridiculous misunderstanding. A strong relationship requires communication and cooperation. If these are missing, stay together and be happy can be a challenge.

Check out other tips at http://getyourexbackfolk.blogspot.com/

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/friendship-articles/5-key-things-that-can-ruin-your-relationship-6069312.html

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Stop walking on eggshells in your relationship

Stop walking on eggshells in your relationship

How to Avoid Walking On Egg Shells in a Relationship

Author: Jerry Standefer

Now you are probably wondering what egg shells and a relationship have to do with each other. Okay, I'm going to use myself as an example. I was having trouble with a girlfriend many years ago, and I became very aware of things that I would say to her. She would go out after work with her girlfriends and I became very paranoid by asking her questions about where she had been, who she was with, and other questions that actually drove her away from me. She finally started to feel like I didn't trust her anymore. Our communication began to break down; we actually stopped talking to each other as time went on. We eventually broke up.

Let's take a look at this egg shell syndrome and how you can prevent this from happening to you. Sometimes you love a person so much that you become very blind-sided about the other person's needs in a relationship. In any relationship the partners need space once in a while just to realize how much you do love each other.

To keep relationships exciting and not stale do these things:

• Surprise gifts work wonders - A great way to keep your ex is by surprising them with gifts, now, I am not talking exuberant amounts of money, but little spur of the moment gifts such as flowers, candy, or even doing a chore is normally done by the other person. Appreciation will be shown that you care for that person.
• Set up a date night - This is something that my wife and I do every week. We actually look forward to going out together each week. It gives us time to talk and enjoy each other. A date night could be a movie, dinner, or some other fun thing you both enjoy.
• Listening to your partner - When your partner comes home from work or has a hectic day, it is time to listen to them with an open ear. Involve yourself in a conversation with them; this is where your communication skills will begin to improve. Many people make the mistake of blowing off their conversation which will cause your partner to think you don't care about them. Watch out becoming a "me" person, a "me" person who only talks about themselves all the time.
• Tell your partner you love them daily - There are many ways to show your affection towards your partner, one way is telling them how much you love them. Other ways to say you love them might be a little kiss on the back of their neck, holding hands, or even a loving smile.
• Compliment your partner - When the person you love looks great or maybe achieves a goal, be sure to compliment them. People love being patted on the back for their efforts and it is no different during a relationship. Compliment your partner for their accomplishments and reap the rewards.

Practicing these few items can keep you from walking on egg shells. Nobody likes to be careful or afraid of what they say to their partner. By using my examples you can forget about the egg shell syndrome.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/how-to-avoid-walking-on-egg-shells-in-a-relationship-6052437.html

About the Author

If you have recently gone through a breakup or you are facing conflict and feel like you would do anything to get your mind clear again then click here to discover a method so simple and powerful that is guaranteed to get your ex wanting you back right away.

www.winningatlove.com
stop walking on eggshells in your relationship

Signs to End a Relationship

Author: LoveAdviceGirl

Signs to End a Relationship

Who doesn't want to meet their perfect mate and they live in eternal bliss. But sadly, most people would rather stay in a bad relationship because it is familiar rather than be single.

Here are some signs to end a relationship:

Signs To End a Relationship #1. You catch your partner lying. If someone cannot even respect you enough as a person to be honest and communicate with you, all is at a loss.

Signs To End a Relationship #2. Feeling the need to walk on eggshells. It sucks feeling like your partner is just waiting to criticize you on the slighest little personal things about you. Even if you apologize for upsetting your partner, they just can't seem to let things go. That is absolutely crazy. You deserve better than that.

Signs To End a Relationship #3. Your partner purposely says hurtful or insulting things to you then almost immediately apologizes. No apology is almost better than an insincere one. Part of saying sorry is making an effort to try and not repeat the thing you are sorry for.

Signs To End a Relationship #4. Absolutely any form of abuse. It does not matter if this is emotional or physical, it is a sign you need to get out of your relationship as soon as possible. It's as simple as that.If you are looking for signs to end a relationship, that would be it.

Signs To End a Relationship #5. They begin talking about themselves endlessly while ignoring you altogether. This is followed by a false sense of entitlement, double standards, a materialistic attitude, and vanity.

It will only get worse as time passes. When they have finally gotten bored with you, you will just be tossed to the side.

Save yourself the trouble.

Signs To End a Relationship #6. Here is another of many signs to end a relationship- everyone is telling you the relationship is a mistake, but you continue to make excuses for your partner's lousy behavior. This can be tricky though.

You may come from a dysfunctional family or have friends who are jealous. But more often than not, this is not the case.

Love can truly make one blind, so it is helpful to have others who have a more objective eye about your situation.

Signs To End a Relationship #7. You have tried to breakup, but the person totally flips out. This usually is followed by a promise of change. But they will do just enough to convience you of their change for a short time. People who do this are controlling manipulators. They are only trying to appeal to your sympathies. This is beyond painful. It is insanity.

Signs To End a Relationship #8. You find yourself living in the past when it comes to your relationship. You ignore the current circumstances and remember the "good old times" , hoping it will be like that again..

This is another misconception. At the beginning of a relationship, everyone is on their "best behavior". It is only with time and hardships that you will discover who you are really dealing with.

So, you have gotten clued into the signs to end a relationship that is failing and are ready to leave.

The first thing you need to do is cut off all ties and communication from them. No emails, calls, text messages, Facebook messages. Especially, no trying to see them in person anywhere.

The choice is completely yours, but you can not play both sides no matter how much you may want to. You must take a stand and stay firm.

Here are some things to remember once you recognize the signs to end a relationship and see that it is time to go.

1. Remember this is for your own good. Stop feeling guilty about the relationship not working. It takes two to make it work. Both people have to want it.

2. Do not believe their continued promises of change. If you have not been successful the 1st 15 times, the 16th is not really going to be better. One of the signs to end a relationship addresses this very thing. Stop living in the dream world.

3. Unless both people mutually want it to end, trying to be friends after the breakup will most likely not work. It is too easy for someone to get caught up in old emotions.

4. You can not "fix" this person.Women are especially bad at holding on to this belief. No one has power over anyone except themselves.

Knowing the signs to end a relationship that is unhealthy is important to not only your emotional and mental well-being, but your physical well-being. The stress of a bad romance ruins everything . If you can't avoid it, make sure to book out of there like the speed of lightning.

~Signs to end a relationship~

Signs to End a Relationship

Who doesn't want to meet their perfect mate and they live in eternal bliss. But sadly, most people would rather stay in a bad relationship because it is familiar rather than be single.

Here are some signs to end a relationship:

Signs To End a Relationship #1. You catch your partner lying. If someone cannot even respect you enough as a person to be honest and communicate with you, all is at a loss.

Signs To End a Relationship #2. Feeling the need to walk on eggshells. It sucks feeling like your partner is just waiting to criticize you on the slighest little personal things about you. Even if you apologize for upsetting your partner, they just can't seem to let things go. That is absolutely crazy. You deserve better than that.

Signs To End a Relationship #3. Your partner purposely says hurtful or insulting things to you then almost immediately apologizes. No apology is almost better than an insincere one. Part of saying sorry is making an effort to try and not repeat the thing you are sorry for.

Signs To End a Relationship #4. Absolutely any form of abuse. It does not matter if this is emotional or physical, it is a sign you need to get out of your relationship as soon as possible. It's as simple as that.If you are looking for signs to end a relationship, that would be it.

Signs To End a Relationship #5. They begin talking about themselves endlessly while ignoring you altogether. This is followed by a false sense of entitlement, double standards, a materialistic attitude, and vanity.

It will only get worse as time passes. When they have finally gotten bored with you, you will just be tossed to the side.

Save yourself the trouble.

Signs To End a Relationship #6. Here is another of many signs to end a relationship- everyone is telling you the relationship is a mistake, but you continue to make excuses for your partner's lousy behavior. This can be tricky though.

You may come from a dysfunctional family or have friends who are jealous. But more often than not, this is not the case.

Love can truly make one blind, so it is helpful to have others who have a more objective eye about your situation.

Signs To End a Relationship #7. You have tried to breakup, but the person totally flips out. This usually is followed by a promise of change. But they will do just enough to convience you of their change for a short time. People who do this are controlling manipulators. They are only trying to appeal to your sympathies. This is beyond painful. It is insanity.

Signs To End a Relationship #8. You find yourself living in the past when it comes to your relationship. You ignore the current circumstances and remember the "good old times" , hoping it will be like that again..

This is another misconception. At the beginning of a relationship, everyone is on their "best behavior". It is only with time and hardships that you will discover who you are really dealing with.

So, you have gotten clued into the signs to end a relationship that is failing and are ready to leave.

The first thing you need to do is cut off all ties and communication from them. No emails, calls, text messages, Facebook messages. Especially, no trying to see them in person anywhere.

The choice is completely yours, but you can not play both sides no matter how much you may want to. You must take a stand and stay firm.

Here are some things to remember once you recognize the signs to end a relationship and see that it is time to go.

1. Remember this is for your own good. Stop feeling guilty about the relationship not working. It takes two to make it work. Both people have to want it.

2. Do not believe their continued promises of change. If you have not been successful the 1st 15 times, the 16th is not really going to be better. One of the signs to end a relationship addresses this very thing. Stop living in the dream world.

3. Unless both people mutually want it to end, trying to be friends after the breakup will most likely not work. It is too easy for someone to get caught up in old emotions.

4. You can not "fix" this person.Women are especially bad at holding on to this belief. No one has power over anyone except themselves.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/breakup-articles/signs-to-end-a-relationship-4002528.html

About the Author

Now that you know your relationship is as good as a trip to the dentist and DMV all in the same day, what are you going to do about it? Signs to End a Relationship Hub Page will give you a solid follow up resource.

For more relationship talk, check out our main site
www.winningatlove.com

Finding friends in college- college dating guide

Finding friends in college- college dating guide

College Dating: Ways to Attract Someone at a Party

Author: Karen Mae Smith

Are you a type of person who would love to go to parties and have fun? Parties are a great event where you can actually meet new people and this includes beautiful girls and good-looking guys. For single people, going to a party would provide you with a lot of chances to hook up with some of the most attractive people in your campus or university. One of the first things that you need to do is to attract them before you can actually hook up with them.

Here are some simple ways on how you can attract people at a campus party:

Dress up like you have never been dressed before. Knowing the theme of the party that you are about to attend will help you in deciding what you are about to wear for the said event. Not all people are fashionable. To mend this, you must make enough efforts to research about the latest trends using the World Wide Web. Also wear something that you are comfortable with. Put on some cologne. You need to smell good and look fresh.

Be on time. If you come in late, most often than not, the most attractive people in the party will be drawn into groups and you'll appear as an intruder to these groups if you try to include yourself. Be in the event before the crowd thickens. Build rapport with the people that you meet to make them feel your friendliness. For sure, many people will actually recognize you after the party conclude.

Do small talks and be well-mannered. Most people feel awkward when they are around too many people. But making yourself comfortable while at a party by doing small talks and being nice to other people can be your A+ point.

Act like yourself. Never pretend to be someone else. Being real will make you a righteous person. You do not have to sugar-coat stories about yourself just to impress others. People will eventually know the truth and you will just feel embarrassed if you lie about yourself.

Use your eyes in spotting a potential date. In most college dating scenes, they are using their eyes to get a secret contact with their prospect date. Glance at that person a few times. When he or she smiles back, smile politely and then look away. You may catch him or her gazing back the next time you glance at him or her.

Never be a heavy drinker. Although alcohol can make you look like a good guy, too much of it will make you intoxicated and more often than not, you'll see yourself doing things that you don't usually do.

Ask for their number. Once the party ends, you may ask for that person's number. If she gives it, than that will be an indication that they like you too.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/college-dating-ways-to-attract-someone-at-a-party-6034915.html

About the Author

Karen Mae Smith is a college student. She is fond of writing about dating and courtship. She's a self-professed hopeless romantic.

www.winningatlove.com

The Greatest Deal Breakers in College Dating

Author: Karen Mae Smith

In college, most students are not really that interested in building a serious relationship with other people. Most of than not, they are just looking for a fun way to get their selves out of the box, keeping them sane from whatever kind of drama that they have in school. Dating in college is just one of those fun events that give enough energy for students to continue studying.

Some of the qualities that most people usually overlook are those wrinkled clothes, dirty car, unattractive hairstyle, sweaty palms and a bad overall appearance. Although these are not good qualities, these are the popular looks in college.

In first dates, most people are not really overly critical about the looks of their date. For this instance, college students are unwilling to commit their selves in a serious romantic relationship. Some students are actually getting the kind of fun when they find themselves dating different kinds of people in the campus. Some college students are aware that the annoying characteristic of the person that they like can lead to a ruined relationship in the long run. The excessive use of their cellphones during dates is just one of these deal breakers. Although they can cope with it, there is still a bit of frustration on the side.

Some college students are too attached to their cellphones that they could not really get out of their house without it. They either use it for texting, tweeting, doing online shopping or sometimes, Facebook-ing. The frequency of using the mobile technology has given a lot of frustrations for those who are going on a first date. It is quite a turn off for most people.

It is impolite to text while in involved in a first date. The act is just plain rude. Since the purpose pf the first date is to know about the other person more, it would be a hard on the part of the other party when they are being ignored by their date because they are too busy texting their friends. It also provides a thinking that they do not like the person that is with them, so they decide to divert their attention to more fun friends through texts.

Also, never try to annoy your college dating partner by discussing about politics. There are some people who are conservative to discuss about politics and other general topics that does not really concern them.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/the-greatest-deal-breakers-in-college-dating-6034345.html

About the Author

Karen Mae Smith is a college student. She is fond of writing about dating and courtship. She's a self-professed hopeless romantic.

Starting over in a relationship inspiration

Starting over in a relationship inspiration

Starting a New Relationship – A Way Ahead

Author: Derek

Starting a new relationship is a real challenge. There are things you may want or tend to holds on to that have happened in past relationships, making it hard to consider moving onto a new relationship. There are things you can do to help push the past where it belongs, in the past, and move towards a new relationship, but a little relationship advice can be helpful.

Firstly when starting a new relationship it is important to settle the past. This can be done in different ways, depending on your confidence and preference. You might find it helpful to talk to a therapist, or you might just need to get rid of "stuff" from previous relationships.

No matter what it is that works for you, the most important part of this process is for you to understand what happened in the past and be prepared to let it go before you start looking for a new relationship. It is unhelpful to you and any other person for you to have emotional baggage when going into a new relationship; it just sets you up for probable failure later on in the relationship.

Secondly realise and accept that you and only you are making the choice to get into a new relationship. No-one should ever be allowed to force you into a relationship before you are ready. Their intentions may be good, but it is not a good idea to start a new relationship unless you have made the decision yourself to do so and feel motivated and energised towards a new situation. Relationship advice is often less helpful when you have only been out of your relationship a short time as your emotions may be soft and impressionable. You will know when you are ready to start a new chapter in your life and then the choice will be yours and yours alone.

The next step is accepting that there really are great people everywhere, people who will help you achieve your needs. Your last relationship may have been with someone you thought was "great," but it is important to leave that in the past and focus on the fact that there are fantastic people waiting to meet you. Always have your expectations and desires for your new relationship clear in your mind, and go to places where you feel you can be yourself and look for the person who will become your new relationship.

When you find someone you may want to get into a new relationship with, pay attention to his/her overall behaviour. Are they easy going, is their life full of drama, are they attentive, forgetful, do they relate to your needs and opinions, can you talk easily with them and they with you. Don't forget everyone's behaviour at the beginning of a relationship is far better than once it is established. So base your judgements on the quality and depth of their conversation as well as whether they make you feel comfortable and good about yourself.

It is always useful to consider how they fit in with your friends and family. When they meet are they comfortable around them, and are you comfortable around their friends and family.

The most important message for you when deciding whether a new relationship is for you is to listen to your instinct, what does your ‘belly' say, and what does your ‘self doubter' say.

1. If both are positive then go for it. These are never wrong. As much as people want to dismiss it, your instinct never fails.
2. If you feeling a new relationship is right, then it probably is the right thing for you at that point in your life. If you feel something is uncertain then something is missing.
3. It really will not always be that simple, nothing in life ever is, however it is important to know what you are feeling and take it from there.



Forming a new relationship must be something you control from your decision to seek one until you decide to let one happen and progress. Not all new relationships need be for life, decide what you want and take your time.

The time spent enjoying the journey can result in you having the Time of Your Life

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/starting-a-new-relationship-a-way-ahead-4811837.html

About the Author

Derek Butcher, Coach, trainer, advisor to industry and individuals, head of timechampions

Visit: http://www.timechampions.com/anewrelationship?

Contact: timechampions@aol.com

For more chatter and video on starting over in a relationship, check out our main site at www.winningatlove.com

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Winning at love- Encourage each other's dreams

Winning at love- Encourage each other's dreams

Winning at love really isn't that difficult. Your mate probably has some personal dreams that they would like to fulfill. Some type of accomplishments that they would like to make. Maybe they would like to start their own business or learn to fly an airplane etc. Maybe you would like to do the same.

Some openly discourage their partner's ideas because they feel that they are impractical. ("We can't afford it, what do you know about flying airplanes anyway etc?") But such comments often have the reverse effect. Challenging your mate often prompts them to come up with more reasons why the idea could work. More importantly, if your partner regards you as unsupportive, they will distance themself from you emotionally and probably spend more time fantasizing about the dream and proving you wrong.

Discouragement is often a clue that the idea is scary, not necessarily impractical. Your partner might be scared because your dreams clash with their expectations of your life together. Some people feel threatened by a mate's dreams and goals. You may feel that their dreams suggest that they need more from their life than they are currently getting- something that you may translate as "I'm not good enough for them."

It's important to remember that a lot of people fantasize more than they act on their fantasies. Most of the time, your partner just wants to dream aloud, not engage in a serious discussion of the idea. Encouraging each other's dreams or simply agreeing, "that does sound exciting or interesting" does no harm and helps bring you closer. It shows you are interested in what they have to say. Again, this is one of the situations whereas you need to pick your battles. Whether or not dreams get acted upon is less important than how close you feel to one another by hearing each other's dreams.

One factor that can really damage relationships occurs when one partner believes that the other one is holding them back from achieving their dreams. This is another good reason to be supportive and encourage each other's dreams. If they don't materialize (which half of the times, they don't) you wont be blamed.

Did you know that women are much more likely than men to give up on personal dreams that do not involve the relationship. While this might be called self-sacrificing, it is often done as women have more pressure on them not to be "selfish.". Husbands need to be aware of this and encourage wives to seek some kind of dream fulfillment even if it takes time from the home or the relationship.

Honoring and encouraging each other's dreams is an ultimate way to say, "I love you."

Winning at love is not hard. It just takes knowledge :-)
Men are actually very easy instruments. You just need to know how to play the instrument.

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Are you and your partner friends

Are you and your partner friends?

Friendship is in many ways the foundation of a marriage or relationship. Happy couples realize that. Less happy couples usually forget that little aspect. Your partner should be your best friend.

Sometimes in relationships and marriages, we focus a lot on the mix of passion, intimacy and commitment. We often forget one of the most important aspects of a relationship- Friendship. Usually the friendship aspect of one's relationship or marriage gets buried over time, under the burdens and responsibilities of life, work and family. When asked if they feel like they are their partners friend, the average person would say yes. It's a complicated question though. You might come to realize that they don't always treat one another as they would their same-sex friends. They think of having a night out "with friends" as somehow different from a night out "with their partner". Some couples assume that they must be friends simply because most of the time they act friendly toward each other and they don't think of each other as the enemie. But friendship is more than friendliness. Friendship is the foundation of a relationship. Happy couples know that that you need to nurture one another and most of all, be friends.

Nuturing happens in a lot of ways. How you talk to each other and hear each other out; how you inspire one another to reach their dreams; how you care about each other's needs at least as much as you care about your own. Happy couples are good friends and friends nurture one another.

What does it mean to you when you are asked if you are your partner's friend?
Think of someone other than your partner whom you consider to be your best friend. What is the difference between that friendship and your marriage relationship? Friends talk about their personal lives; so do married partners. Friends have fun together; (hopefully) so do married couples. Friends think about each other when they are not together; married partners do the same. Friends standy by you, so does your partner. Fundamentally there are two ways that a marriage is different from a friendship. You have a greater level of obligation and commitment to your partner than to your best friends. You also have the intimacy portion of the relationship with your partner that you don't have with your best friends.

The typical man approaches friendship with his wife a little differently than she approaches friendship with him. If you ask a man about his male friendships and what makes them important, he will talk about what he and his friends do together and the interests that they share. They may talk about their problems also with one another but never in deep detail really.

The typical woman will tell you that conversations forms the primary basis of intimacy in her friendships. By communicating this to her friends, it makes her feel understood. If a man has a problem and doesn't want to discuss it, his male friends "understand" that. Ironically, this makes him feel understood. He feels closer to his friends by not sharing whereas a woman feels closer to her friends when she does share and confide.

What does this mean for marriages? It means that, generally speaking, the basis for friendship in a marriage or relationship depends on the couple doing more together (male preference) and talking more together (female preference)


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Are you happy in your marriage

Are you happy in your marriage?

As the divorce rate seems to continue to rise, it makes me wonder how many people are really happy in their marriages.

One of the best studies of marital happiness reported that about 60 percent of the respondents rated their marriage as "very happy". Yet of that same group, only 66 percent reported that their spouse respected their opinion. Only 64 percent of them said that their spouse made them feel important. Only 51 percent of them felt that their spouse was romantic. When you add to these numbers the fact that almost 35 percent of couples rated their marriage as just "pretty happy", and that 37 percent of all woman polled admitted there was a time when they were prepared to leave their husband, it becomes obvious that in the typical marriage, genuine happiness seems almost subdued. It's almost like we are programmed to say that.

Is subdued marital happiness such a big deal? Absolutely! Dozens of studies have concluded that the best predictor of overall happiness in life is marital happiness. A happy marriage predicts overall happiness better than job satisfaction, family life, friendships, finances or good health. Happily married people live longer, have better adjusted children and are healthier both mentally and physically.

Do people strive and hope for more happiness in their marriage? Are you really happy in your marriage? Most couples report regular efforts to sustain and improve happiness in their own marriage.

In another survey, couples were asked "If you had to do it all over again, would you marry the same person?" 88 percent said "yes," But astoundingly, 26 percent of those that voted "mostly dissatisfied" in their marriage also answered "yes" as did 23 percent of those that voted "completely dissatisfied." It is unclear why, but many people don't want to give up when it comes to their marriage- even if the marriage is making them unhappy.

Does our level of marital happiness predict who will eventually divorce? Not quite. It appears that most couples who are the most happy are very unlikely to divorce, but many unhappy couples do remain together. Improving marital happiness is a total benefit to you and your partner and everyone around you.

Again, I am going to ask "Are you happy in your marriage?"

Here are a few simple questions that you could ask yourself to help answer that question. Your answer needs to be one of these 3- Mostly true, Sometimes true, Mostly False

* Do I admire my partner?
* When we are apart, do I think fondly of my partner and miss them?
* Do arguments with my partner tend to escalate with no satisfying resolution?
* Do one of us have a problem with addiction (such as alcohol, drugs, gambling or pornography?
* If my partner does or says something that I don't like, do I view them as having a serious flaw?
* Does my partner frequently say or do mean or hurtful things?
* Do we have at least 20 minutes a day of quality "couple" time?
* Do things have to go my partner's way most of the time?
* Are you satisfied with your sexual relationship?
* Can each of us admit when we are wrong?
* Do I fantasize about leaving my partner for someone else?
* Do we show affection regularly?

For more talk and videos on improving happiness within your marriage- Visit my main site
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Worst relationship mistake

Worst relationship mistake

Always remember that your partner can't read your mind. I think that one of the worst relationship's mistakes is that we assume that our partner can read our mind. We expect them to do that and that's not fair.

There are several good reasons why it is so important to recognize this problem and to nip it in the bud. First off, it creates a great deal of grief and inner damage for yourself. You carry around a ton of frustration that has little, if anything, to do with you. You are mad, frustrated, bothered about something. You are the only one who knows about it. If that isn't self-induced stress, what is?

Moreover, it's not really fair to your partner. Here you are steaming mad about something, and you don't even give your partner the courtesy of telling them what is bugging you . You are probably coming across as really irritated, but they don't even know what it is really all about. You are demanding that they read your mind. What chance do they have? How can they explain themself, much less do anything about it?

When something is bothering you, it's usually best to let your partner know about it. Pick a time when neither of you are in defensive moods. (I talked about moods in a previous post- Here is the link back to that post). Bring up the issue gently and respectfully and see what happens. In most cases, it seems logical that your chances of a favorable outcome are far better than if you rely on your partner reading your mind. Avoid the self-destructive thought that your partner knows what you need. We all know what the word "assume" does- It makes an ass out of you and me

PS:: To the ladies reading this, please always realize that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. We over analyze ladies and men are clueless to that

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Feeling emotional abandonment in relationship

Feeling emotional abandonment in relationship

What is Emotional Abandonment?

Author: Darlene Lancer, MFT

Many people don't realize that they're feeling emotionally abandoned or that they did as a child. They may be unhappy, but can't put their finger on what it is. People tend to think of abandonment as something physical, like neglect. They also may not realize that loss of physical closeness due to death, divorce, and illness is often felt as an emotional abandonment. However, emotional abandonment has nothing to do with proximity. It can happen when the other person is lying right beside you – when you can't connect and your emotional needs aren't being met in the relationship.

Emotional Needs

Often people aren't aware of their emotional needs and just feel that something's missing. But people have many emotional needs in intimate relationships. They include the following needs:

• To be listened to and understood.
• To be nurtured
• To be appreciated
• To be valued
• To be accepted
• For affection
• For love
• For companionship

Consequently, if there is high conflict, abuse, or infidelity, these emotional needs go unmet. Sometimes, infidelity is a symptom of emotional abandonment in the relationship – by one or both partners. Additionally, if one partner is addicted, the other may feel neglected, because the addiction comes first and consumes the addict's attention, preventing him or her from being present.

Causes of Emotional Abandonment

Yet even in a healthy relationship, there are periods, days, and even moments of emotional abandonment that may be intentional or unconscious. They can be caused by:

• Intentionally withholding communication or affection
• External stressors, including the demands of parenting
• Illness
• Conflicting work schedules
• Lack of mutual interests and time spent together
• Preoccupation and self-centeredness
• Lack of healthy communication
• Unresolved resentment
• Fear of intimacy

When couples don't share common interests or work/sleep schedules, one or both may feel abandoned. You have to make an extra effort to spend time talking about your experiences and intimate feelings with each other to keep the relationship fresh and alive.

More harmful are unhealthy communication patterns that may have developed, where one or both partners doesn't share openly, listen with respect, and respond with interest to the other. If you feel ignored or that your partner doesn't understand or care about what you're communicating, then there's a chance that eventually you may stop talking to him or her. Walls begin to build and you find yourself living separate lives emotionally. One sign may be that you talk more to your friends than to your partner or are disinterested in sex or spending time together.

Resentments easily develop in relationships when your feelings, especially hurt or anger, aren't expressed. When they go underground, you may either pull away emotionally or push your partner away with criticism or undermining comments. If you have expectations that you don't communicate, but instead believe your partner should be able to guess or intuit them, you're setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment.

When or your partner fear intimacy, you may pull away, put up walls, or push one another away. Usually, this fear isn't conscious. In counseling, couples are able to talk about their ambivalence, which allows them to get closer. Often abandoning behavior occurs after a period of closeness or sex. One person may physically withdraw or create distance by not talking or even by talking too much. Either way, it may leave the other person feeling alone and abandoned. Fears of intimacy usually stem from emotional abandonment in childhood.

In Childhood

Emotional abandonment in childhood can happen if the primary caretaker, usually the mother, is unable to be present emotionally for her baby. It's often because she's replicating her childhood experience, but it may also be due to stress. It's important for a baby's emotional development that the mother attune to her child's feelings and needs and reflect them back. She may be preoccupied, cold, or unable to empathize with her child's success or upsetting emotions. He or she then ends up feeling alone, rejected, or deflated. The reverse is also true – where a parent gives a child a lot of attention, but isn't attuned to what the child actually needs. The child's needs hence go unmet, which is a form of abandonment.

Abandonment happens later, too, when they're criticized, controlled, unfairly treated, or otherwise given a message that they or their experience is unimportant or wrong. Children are vulnerable, and it doesn't take much for a child to feel hurt and "abandoned." Abandonment can occur when a parent confides in his or her child or expects a child to take on age-inappropriate responsibilities. At those times, the child must suppress his or her feelings and needs in order to meet the needs of the adult.

A few incidents of emotional abandonment don't harm a child's healthy development, but when they're common occurrences, they reflect deficits in the parent, which affect the child's sense of self and security that often lead to intimacy issues and codependency in adult relationships.

Couples counseling can bring couples together to enjoy more closeness, heal from abandonment, and change their behavior.

© Darlene Lancer, 2012

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/what-is-emotional-abandonment-6016787.html

About the Author

Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and author of Codependency for Dummies. She has a broad range of experience, working with individuals and couples for over twenty-five years. Her focus is on helping individuals overcome obstacles to leading fuller lives, and helping couples enhance their communication, intimacy, and passion. She is a speaker, freelance writer, and maintains private practice in Santa Monica, CA. For more information and a free ebook, "How to Be Assertive," see http://www.darlenelancer.com. You can also follow her on Facebook.

For more about feeling emotional abandonment in relationship, visit our main website here www.winningatlove.com

Unconditional love in a relationship

Unconditional love in a relationship

Unconditional love in a relationship is the ultimate expression of love. It says, "I love you because you are you and you don't have to be different to receive and secure my love". There are no conditions attached to the love. You don't have to lose weight, make a certain amount of money, share all my goals or agree with everything that I say. Unconditional love means that you love someone when they are insecure or depressed or when they make mistakes. They don't have to be perfect. They have to respect you but they don't have to be perfect.

Other than our own children, there are probably few of us that can truly say we will ever love someone unconditionally. Whether we realize it or not, we usually place certain conditions on our love and have a number of expectations. For example- you must behave in certain ways to secure my love, you must be faithful, you must put me first above everyone and everything else, you must not express fondness towards the opposite sex, you must prioritize my goals etc).

Perfection is impossible. Believe me, I have tried (said with a giggle). It is OK to have expectations in relationships but you must also realize certain limitations to really experience unconditional love in a relationship.

Don't be too judgmental or behave in unkind ways. Treat your partner the way you expect to be treated. We can strive to become less demanding and replace those tendencies with gratitude and softness. Become better listeners. Be more forgiving. Act more loving. Expect that your partner is not always going to be in a good mood or not always going to do things to our liking.

There are so many things that you can do to promote unconditional love in a relationship. Start by asking your partner what changes he or she would like to see in you and vice versa. Read books or online blogs about making positive changes in your relationship. There's a million different things that you can do. Make it a personal challenge.

In most cases, you can be sure that whatever efforts that you make in order to become a more unconditionally loving partner, you will see results in the quality of your relationship. If you don't, maybe you need to really rethink that relationship.

For more talk about unconditional love in a relationship, check out my main website at www.winningatlove.com

Enjoy