Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Affairs of the heart

Affairs of the heart

Emotional Affair

Author: Dale L. McClure

Fidelity is an important component of a good relationship. However, it is true that every stable relationship faces several threats.

One is an emotional affair.

Can this type of affair be a deterrent to a stable relationship?

An "emotional affair" is a happening or event, which omits or leaves out any physical intimacy but involves emotional intimacy. It starts innocently as friendship and could aptly be termed an affair of the heart.

In this affair, one partner enters into monogamous relationship; an emotional affair is a type of chaste nonmonogamy without consummation. When the affair ends the monogamous relationship, infidelity is the result.

An emotional affair is harmful to a committed relationship more than a one night stand or casual sex. Studies revealed that men are especially affected by proofs of their partner's sexual infidelity, while women are more bothered by signs of emotional infidelity.

Many people believe that since there is no sexual involvement; emotional affair is not immoral. But based on the concept that an affair involves secrecy, deception and betrayal, it is outside the norm of morality.

In the midst of this kind of affair, the person continues denying that it is a harmful one but this is a ploy to overcome guilty feelings.

The relationship is an emotional affair when:

1. You keep your meetings and conversations secret from your partner.

2. You say and do things with someone which you have never say or done to your spouse.

3. You arrange to have private talks and spend time with the other person.

4. You share many time and confidences with the other person rather than with your partner.

Answer these questions honestly and determine if you are having an emotional affair:

1. Do you refrain telling your spouse how much time you spend or talk with the other person?
2. Do you confide to this person more about your day than to your spouse?
3. Do you also reveal to him your marital dissatisfaction?
4. Do you make yourself physically attractive for him?
5. Whether orally or in action, is there a sexual attraction between you?
6. Would you feel uneasy if your spouse saw you together?

If your answer is "yes" to two or more of these questions, get out of the situation. You are on your way to marital infidelity! Our culture makes it easy for any person to enter and stay involved in an emotional affair.

Men and women who are working together and traveling for business together will ultimately forge close relationships. They keep in touch through their phones, mobile, text or instant message. Internet is often the culprit for it is the venue where most affairs commence.

People are given the opportunity to reconnect with friends from their past, as well as, develop good relationship new ones in many social networking sites.

To shield yourself from the temptation of starting such affair, you can follow these tips:

1. Do not be a flirt. Flirting leads to attractions and warm feelings you will start to crave.

2. Be cautious when you are at work and on the Internet. These are dangerous venues where emotional affairs typically begin.

3. Consider the state of your marriage. The more dissatisfied you are with your spouse the more likely you will start an affair.

4. Don't go out without a companion with an old lover. If you have lost all the warm feelings for him, bring along your spouse.

5. Don't build friendship with others who are unfaithful to their partners. You are likely influenced by their state of morality.

Once you have started to get involved in this kind of affair, it will cause you guilty feelings and remorse.

Many marriages crumble after undergoing such an affair. Rebuilding trust for you and your partner will take a lot of efforts and patience.

If you have an affair, you need to admit it and rectify your ways:

1. Make a complete break, no compromises by just staying as friends.

2. Be responsible to face the situation. Accept it and make a clean break.

3. Ask yourself why you allow it to happen? Is it the state of your marriage? Your desire to build self-esteem? Unconsciously repeating the actions of your cheating parent? Understand the underlying reasons why you get into this mess.

4. Betrayal was the fly in the ointment. Exert your best effort to develop trust.

Time is a healer but it takes a long time to rebuild a trust after an emotional affair. Patience is your friend. Do not expect your spouse to forgive and forget right away.

Allow time to heal the wound and things to get better again with your partner or spouse.

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/emotional-affair-5409040.html

About the Author

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