Saturday, July 21, 2012

Listening in a relationship

Listening in a relationship

The best communication in a relationship happens when people take time to listen. Listening in a relationship is so important. This isn't always an easy task though especially if you feel that you are being attacked or if you are vulnerable to criticism. The trick is to give your partner attention with the sole intention of understanding them. It is also important to know how to make requests of your partner. The best requests are made in simple, direct language and delivered without the fear of rejection. Playful requests can really work too.

Learning the concept of listening in a relationship is to be aware of the different types of listening and not to utilize a form of listening that may extend the argument and contribute to hurt feelings. Stick to involved, active listening that keeps the argument heading to a peaceful resolution.

What are the different methods of listening in a relationship and what to avoid?

* "I'm Right" listening method- Many people communicate using an "I'm Right" method of listening. This is just like it sounds- the whole time that your partner is talking, all you can think about is how you are going to rebut everything that they say because "You are right". When you listen this way, much of your partner's communication gets lost and you never hear the point that is being made.

* "That reminds me" listening method- This is when you can't listen to your partner because you are too busy going off on a tangent. For instance, your partner says they don't like when you leave the garage door open and you respond by reminding them that they didn't take the trash out like they should have. Your partner can't get their point across and their feelings heard because you are too busy being defensive and having a rebuttal argument. If you keep throwing up past mistakes then the issue at hand will never have a real chance of being solved.

* "Whatever" listening method- When you are not engaged in a conversation because you are too tired or simply uninterested in the topic, you are not taking in what your partner is saying. This type of listening method is passive-aggressive because, by refusing to give the conversation the attention that it deserves, you are telling your partner that you do not care about their needs.

* "I'm involved" listening method- This type of listening is the most effective type. When you give your partner 100 percent of your attention, you give off a vibe that shows that you are interested. You maintain eye contact, nod when you understand their point, raise questions without interrupting when you don't understand what they are saying. In return, your partner is more involved in listening and understanding your feedback. This listening method is the most effective way to resolve any argument, but it will take both of you to practice listening in a relationship.

Tips to Improve Listening Skills - How to Be a Better Listener in Your Relationship

Author: Toby Hardwick

In any relationship, listening is very important. If only people try to listen, problems would have been easier to solve. Listening is the first aid to any problem. When we have time to listen, we get the chance to understand situations better. And since we get a better understanding of the situation, we get to weigh things and conclude for a better solution.

Don't you agree? I really think that if only we learn to listen, we will have a stronger grip on the word understanding. These two words cannot be separated from each other. Listening and understanding come hand in hand. If you don't listen, you won't understand. It is that plain simple.

Now, how can we become better listeners in the relationship? What does it take? How can we improve our listening skills? Here are some tips on how to become one.

In a fight…


In a heated conversation, also known as "a fight," instead on blocking the other party through shouting back, why not focus on keeping your mouth shot first. Try not to talk and just listen. Open your ears. It doesn't matter if every word she says is taking your blood to its boiling point. Listen to her points. Listen to the reason why she is ranting. Listen to her qualms. Absorb every word that she is saying.


Process what she is ranting about. As I have mentioned above, listening comes hand in hand with understanding. It is important that as you listen, you try to comprehend what she is trying to say. Make sure that you don't just listen but, you also understand. This way you will be able to set the issues in a clearer manner.

Take down mental notes.

As you listen and understand, take down mental notes of the things that you think need resolving, explaining or apologizing for. Don't just think of rebuttals. Don't set your mind on the premise that every single thing that she is saying is wrong. You might be surprised. She might be telling you something that is worth your acceptance and is in need of correction.

Again, process.

After you have made your mental notes, you have to, yet again, process what you have gathered. Think it over. Make sure that you have understood every point she tried to make. If you haven't, set that point aside and ask questions later.

Spill your piece.

Once she's done, it's your turn. Remember that meeting anger with another feiry anger won't do anyone any good. It is best to stay calm as you lay down your cards. Tell her your side of the story. Explain what you have to explain then apologize for what you have to apologize for. Then, ask her the questions that are bugging your mind. Do the same process as she talks.

When she has a problem…

There are times when all she needs is just an ear. So before you give your two cents worth, better ask her first if she needs one. She may just want to rant about how awful the day was. Just keep quiet. Let her talk. Listen to what she is saying. And when she asks for your opinion, that is the only time for you to talk.

Remember that even in a romantic relationship, unsolicited advice is still, at times, not needed. You might be itching to give your thoughts about the thing she's talking about but all she might need is an ear and not your talking mouth. It is also like that with us guys, right?

Sometimes, all she needs is your hug, comforting pat on the head and a sweet kiss.

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