Starting a New Relationship – A Way AheadAuthor: Derek
Starting a new relationship is a real challenge. There are things you may want or tend to holds on to that have happened in past relationships, making it hard to consider moving onto a new relationship. There are things you can do to help push the past where it belongs, in the past, and move towards a new relationship, but a little relationship advice can be helpful.
Firstly when starting a new relationship it is important to settle the past. This can be done in different ways, depending on your confidence and preference. You might find it helpful to talk to a therapist, or you might just need to get rid of "stuff" from previous relationships.
No matter what it is that works for you, the most important part of this process is for you to understand what happened in the past and be prepared to let it go before you start looking for a new relationship. It is unhelpful to you and any other person for you to have emotional baggage when going into a new relationship; it just sets you up for probable failure later on in the relationship.
Secondly realise and accept that you and only you are making the choice to get into a new relationship. No-one should ever be allowed to force you into a relationship before you are ready. Their intentions may be good, but it is not a good idea to start a new relationship unless you have made the decision yourself to do so and feel motivated and energised towards a new situation. Relationship advice is often less helpful when you have only been out of your relationship a short time as your emotions may be soft and impressionable. You will know when you are ready to start a new chapter in your life and then the choice will be yours and yours alone.
The next step is accepting that there really are great people everywhere, people who will help you achieve your needs. Your last relationship may have been with someone you thought was "great," but it is important to leave that in the past and focus on the fact that there are fantastic people waiting to meet you. Always have your expectations and desires for your new relationship clear in your mind, and go to places where you feel you can be yourself and look for the person who will become your new relationship.
When you find someone you may want to get into a new relationship with, pay attention to his/her overall behaviour. Are they easy going, is their life full of drama, are they attentive, forgetful, do they relate to your needs and opinions, can you talk easily with them and they with you. Don't forget everyone's behaviour at the beginning of a relationship is far better than once it is established. So base your judgements on the quality and depth of their conversation as well as whether they make you feel comfortable and good about yourself.
It is always useful to consider how they fit in with your friends and family. When they meet are they comfortable around them, and are you comfortable around their friends and family.
The most important message for you when deciding whether a new relationship is for you is to listen to your instinct, what does your ‘belly' say, and what does your ‘self doubter' say.
- If both are positive then go for it. These are never wrong. As much as people want to dismiss it, your instinct never fails.
- If you feeling a new relationship is right, then it probably is the right thing for you at that point in your life. If you feel something is uncertain then something is missing.
- It really will not always be that simple, nothing in life ever is, however it is important to know what you are feeling and take it from there.
Forming a new relationship must be something you control from your decision to seek one until you decide to let one happen and progress. Not all new relationships need be for life, decide what you want and take your time.
The time spent enjoying the journey can result in you having the Time of Your Life
Derek Butcher, Coach, trainer, advisor to industry and individuals, head of timechampions
For more chatter and video on starting over in a relationship, check out our main site at www.winningatlove.com
Check out the home page for many tips on starting over in relationships
Here is the link back to home page