Sunday, June 3, 2012

Do men want relationships

Do men want relationships? Most of them do but they have fears (just like us females do)

Here are the 3 most common fears I discovered

1) He fears not being able to make you happy

This fear is that he can't make a woman happy in a relationship. Men get a lot of their self-esteem from the ability to make the woman of their choice happy. He will measure a woman’s happiness by the emotional responses he gets. I've heard many women say to their man, "Oh, I like what you did," but there was no emotion in their response. She could have just as easily said, "The sky is blue."
When he doesn't feel he can make you happy......he'll become discouraged and eventually quit trying.

What to do: Rather than pretend you like something you don't, there is a simpler solution. Even if it seems silly, show your emotion when you are pleased. I don't care if it feels silly to you, because it doesn't to him. Even more I want you to train him to be attentive to the sound of your voice. When he feels he can make you happy, he'll try harder and more often to do things that produce what he desires most - your smile and affection.

2) He fears being powerless

This fear is about him worrying that he cannot influence you, and you are out of control. Being in a relationship with a woman who won't stop (drinking, spending money, having affairs, etc.) is the primary reason why men are cautious about marriage. Attraction is what makes him want to date you. How much you allow him to influence you is what makes him want to marry you and adore you when you're his wife. It's not that you're going to hurt's that you could.

What to do: Don't focus on trying to be perfect. It's not only a waste of time; it actually isn't very attractive beyond a first date. Instead focus on admitting when you're wrong as soon as possible. If you're not wrong, then stand by your principles. But don't be stubborn simply because you don't want to be told what to do. That quality may make you feel strong, but over time it can make a man end the relationship.

3) He fears he isn't enough

This one is often the hardest one for women to notice, but every man has this fear. Some show it often, while others never admit to this fear. This is why most men feel a strong drive to produce and accomplish things. It validates their masculinity. Men need to prove to themselves that they are strong, competent and in control of their environment. Yet, regardless of a man’s talent, there will always be circumstances that catch him off guard, and he will experience doubts about his masculine power.

What to Do: Most women try and comfort a man when they see that he is discouraged. That is often not helpful. Even though your intentions are good, that isn't what he needs. Instead focus on his ability to overcome his problem. Use this as a guide. When you see him upset or overwhelmed by a problem, find a way to say, "I know you can fix this. I don't know how, but I do know you."

If you say that, or something like that to a man that is discouraged, you may not get an immediate reaction or he may even dismiss your compliment. But I promise, he'll feel it. It's what he was hoping someone would say. As a result, he'll feel a special devotion to you, the woman who knew just the right thing to say when he had doubts.

More traits about men

1) When I'm upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important than what you say.

Most women focus on the content of a conversation when they're upset. Not Men. While they do pay attention to what you're saying, how you say it is more important. When you are in a disagreement you can yell, scream, or whatever...but that usually leads to a breakup. He can't hear you when it's too intense.
He may well deserve to be yelled at and if he does, then go for it. Just remember, the greater the amount of emotion a man feels, the more sensitive he is to your tone.

2) I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.

Men have an ability that most women don't understand: we can shut off our feelings pretty easily. In fact, most of the time we aren't feeling anything. It takes a lot of effort for a man to allow himself to "feel." If you want to know what a man is feeling, ask him this question instead, "What do you think about __________?"

You won't get an emotional answer like you'd receive from one of your girlfriends, but it's easier for him to begin sharing his thoughts rather than start revealing his feelings.

3) If I do one thing and say something contradictory, go with my actions. That will always tell you what’s in my heart.

I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but it's true... words simply don't mean as much to men as they do women. The reason is that men tend to say what they the moment. Since men don't feel often, they are very susceptible...when they do feel. If they are feeling romantic at the moment, they may make a promise that they sincerely believe.

However, they may not keep that promise once that romantic feeling fades away. It isn't right and it certainly isn't mature to do this, but that's how men think.

It is when a man consistently does these things that a woman should trust his intentions. It isn't as important that a man says wonderful things as it is when his actions align with what he says.

4) I don't like to argue because...

Men don't like to argue - really. The reason is that a disagreement can lead to a conflict.
For men, a conflict is a battle that you must win. As a woman, you don't want to get into a battle with a man for because he's got a lot more testosterone than you do. He's wired/designed for combat and when you argue with him he's seeing you as a man. He doesn't want to nurture or protect you but he feels like you're acting in a competitive way and he assumes you are challenging him.

What you want to cultivate in your man is the understanding that you can discuss anything with him, as long as it doesn't feel competitive. This mean you'll need to train him to cherish you...even when he's upset with you.

5) I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.
There is one thing men crave above everything else and it's power. Men need, want, and will do anything to feel powerful. For this reason, a man's self esteem is built up by 2 things: What he accomplishes and What he overcomes.

Men's self worth is closely related to what they accomplish. This is the main reason why a man losing his job is often harder emotionally for him than it would be for a woman. His identity is measured by what he makes, produces and achieves in his career.

In addition, when men overcome a problem, it makes them feel empowered. Every problem that a man fixes (or conquers) is a way for him to prove to himself that he's strong, smart, and tough.This is why the most important thing a woman can do when she sees her man struggling isn't to help him fix his problem. Her good intentions will often be interpreted by him in this way, "Oh, so you don't think I can fix this on my own?"

What is better is for her to say this, "I don't know how you'll solve this, but I know you will. I've seen you figure out things before and I trust in your ability."

Now, I'd never suggest that a man say that to a woman, but if a man hears the woman he loves say such a thing his mind will begin racing with these thoughts:
"Wow, she really thinks I can do this."
"Maybe I can."
"Actually I know I can, because I can't disappoint her."

Try it the next time he has a problem that seems overwhelming to him.

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