Sunday, June 3, 2012

Men's feelings and what their words really mean

Men's feelings and what their words really mean

1) "Nothing is wrong" - What this really means.... I have a problem and I want to figure it out for myself. I don't want you to tell me how to resolve it, because if I have to ask for help, that means I'm a failure.

For most men, their biggest fear is that they appear to be weak. When they are upset, they feel that their entire sense of who they are as a man is at risk. This may seem extreme, but it really does feel that way when a man is bothered by something.

2) "I don't know" - What this really means... There is no right answer for me. Especially when you ask me a question that gets me in trouble no matter how I answer it (i.e., "Do you think she's pretty?"). A lot of women think they're clever when they ask what's called a "leading question." Most men can tell exactly what she is doing and rather than have a discussion (debate) it's just easier for a man to play dumb. It may frustrate you, but in fairness to the man, it would be better if you practiced being vulnerable and asked him specifically what you wanted instead of trying to be clever.

If you want to know how you look in a dress, tell him it's o.k. if he gives you his honest opinion.
If you're feeling a little self concious, say to him, "This may sound silly but I'm feeling a little less confident than normal. Any compliments you've been saving would mean the world to me right now." Forget the idea that a compliment only matters if it's spontaneous. Make it easy for him to give you what you need and he'll become emotionally bonded with you.

3) "I love you" - This depends on when it's said. If he says it after a couple weeks - he wants sex. If he says it after 6 months - he's thinking "she's the one."

4) "What's wrong?" - What this really means... He doesn't want to know all the details. He is asking for just enough information so that he can help you fix your problem. He is listening not to empathize, but to help you resolve the problem. It may not be what you want but it is his way of showing you that he cares. For most men, listening to someone doesn't feel very important. If you want him to empathize with you, tell him how special it makes you feel when he simply listens when you're upset. This way he'll know he's actually doing something helpful.

5) "You look great or fantastic, etc." - Compliments are almost always sincere if he initiates it and if the compliment is not followed by a request, such as; "You look fantastic....would you like to get naked?" Unfortunately, there are men who actually say things like that. Never minimize a man's compliments, regardless how uncomfortable they might make you feel. From a man's perspective, giving a compliment is the same as giving a gift. If you refuse or minimize the gift you're telling him his gift wasn't very good. That's the fastest way to train a man to stop giving to you.

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