Sunday, April 29, 2012

Are you in a controlling relationship

Are you in a controlling relationship?

Signs Of A Controlling Relationship

Author: Relationship Builder

The following are signs of a controlling relationship:

1. Flattery – Flattery is different than a compliment – A compliment adds to a person. It builds within you a sense of confidence free from any ulterior motives. Flattery on the other hand is insincere and selfish in its motive – which is simply to gain a greater sense of control. Flattery always deals with comparisons. The flatterer will privately build you up in the process of tearing others around you down.

2. Rejection – In looking at signs of a controlling relationship there is a red flag that I call "conditional acceptance." An expression of conditional acceptance is calculated rejection. In other words, by expressing rejection toward you, the controller hopes your desire for their acceptance will be strong enough to cause you to change your behavior; resulting in a subtle form of manipulation. True friendship is acceptance, understanding and commitment – regardless of whether or not you do want another person wants you to do.

3. Sense of Indebtedness – Initially it may seem too good to be true – you suddenly have someone in your life that is always there to help just at the right time. Yet, over time it becomes clear the gifts and expressions of generosity have strings attached. By reminding you of all they have done, they create in you an overwhelming sense of indebtedness and obligation.

4. Inordinate loyalty – The controller will always demand loyalty at the expense of your other relationships. They will often find ways to "drive a wedge" between you and the other friends and family members in your life, isolating you from others.


When looking at the signs of a controlling relationship, it is important to ask yourself the following questions: Do you often find the need to explain or defend yourself? Do you find yourself feeling guilty? Do you find yourself apologizing more than you normally would? Do you pretend to agree and go along with things you don't want to do in order to keep peace? Are you finding yourself isolated from your friends and family? When you are around a specific person, do you often feel frightened or intimidated?

By discovering your sense of worth and value in God's love, you can find the confidence to not only recognize an abusive relationship, but to break free from its control.

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About the Author

Michael Fehlauer has been married to Bonnie over 30 years. They have experienced both the height of success and the devastation of failure. As a result, Michael Fehlauer and Bonnie Fehlauer have a strong desire to see the same healing they have experienced happen in the lives of others. Michael Fehlauer and Bonnie Fehlauer have traveled extensively throughout the world holding marriage and family conferences.

Danger Signs Of A Controlling Relationship Revealed!

Author: Christina Glass

Controlling relationships are easy to slip into and the longer you stay, the harder the controlling relationship is to leave. Controlling men have issues within themselves. They are insecure, fear abandonment and rejection and feel powerless. This is why they pick on women. By controlling a woman, controlling men can ensure they will not be left alone and that they have control over something in their lives, even if it is controlling another person. Controlling men do not have the right to control or to change another person. The right man would accept you as you are.

Controlling men have trouble trusting. Controlling relationships and controlling men lack trust and it is best not to continue the relationship because trust is only in healthy relationships. Do not waste your time trying to prove how trustworthy you are to controlling men. They will never see it because their inner insecurities block them from seeing how trustworthy you are. Relationships are about getting to know each other and learning about the other person. Controlling relationships lack this growth because controlling men only enter relationships to gain control over a woman. They do not have the capacity to learn about you or to grow with the relationship. Controlling men are too busy ensuring that you will not leave them or show interests which do not involve them.

Controlling men will find many ways to control you. He might tell you what to wear, isolate you from your friends and family because he cannot handle you giving time or attention to anyone but him. This is because he feels that if you are not showing attention to him constantly that you will leave him. He finds this overwhelming and will resort to aggressive and/or verbal behaviour to keep you in a place where he can easily control you. This results with you loosing self confidence, getting low self esteem and loosing freedom because you cannot do anything that you want to do.

Controlling men might try to control you financially. They might only give you enough money to survive. If they give you too much, then you are able to leave them or go out with friends, meaning that you are giving attention to someone else. Controlling men do not respect your privacy. They constantly call to see what you are doing, who you are with and what are you talking about. They go through your phone and through your property. You cannot change controlling men. Before you entered the relationship, he was already convinced that you were not to be trusted. He will never learn to trust you no matter what evidence you give.

Controlling men will not look inside themselves to see that they are the one with the problem. It will always be your fault. Controlling men and controlling relationships are never your fault. Controlling men can only fix themselves but most do not believe they have a problem. Controlling men blame everyone else for their own problems because it makes them feel as though they have power over the bad things which occur in their lives.

Controlling relationships and controlling men are not worth the effort. End the relationship as soon as the controlling man gives out his first insult, demand or temper tantrum. They will never change or learn to trust. Controlling men will threaten to leave you, let him. The truth is he is too scared of abandonment and will never leave you. If he does, you still win because you will have your freedom, self esteem and life back.

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About the Author

Christina Glass is a Professional Counsellor, specializing in the personality type's of men which women should avoid at all costs!! For help, tips and advice on Controlling Men please visit for a greater peace of mind.

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