Don't Forget to Have Fun in your RelationshipAuthor: 10x Marketing
We hear it everywhere: for a strong relationship, you need clear communication and trust. Books galore cover the topic. Dr. Phil, on his website, recommends making a "to do list," "setting specific goals," and "meeting each other's needs," for a romantic relationship to prove successful.
Are we not forgetting something? As children, did we ever maintain a friendship by setting goals or creating to do lists? Did you ever say, "Bobby, to make our friendship work I am going to need you to meet my need of building a better Lego castle." Of course not. You and Bobby were friends because you thought he wore cool jeans and you had fun together.
Our culture underrates the importance of fun and encourages critical thinking in friendships and relationships. Yet watch children who bond quickly through nonjudgmental play. There is a spontaneity and appreciation of pleasure in children. So often adults forget the simple pleasure of enjoying a partner with no critique or pressure to improve.
Let us return to an appreciation of fun and pleasure! As an adult, your concept of fun need not be limited to a sexy game every Saturday night. There are many other ways to experience fun with your partner.
Fun and spontaneity cannot be taught with a ten point checklist. Therefore, instead of giving you a list I will present some questions that may stimulate ideas for bringing more fun into your relationship.
Remember what you liked about each other in the beginning. What drew you to your partner? Was it his passion for race cars or his eccentric habit of whistling in the streets? Whatever it was, begin to consciously encourage him to do the things that are fun for him, even if they are not fun for you. By supporting the fun in his life, you will have a happier partner. You do not need to fake interest in whatever your partner thinks is fun; just encouraging him to pursue his passions will put some juice into your relationship.
Express what you find to be fun, and do it. Maybe your idea of fun is much different from your partner's. Many people sacrifice certain hobbies or interests when their partner does not share in them. But this sacrifice can be harmful to you and your partner. For example, I am a staunch fan of 19th century opera. Most of my boyfriends have hated opera, but that has never stopped me from regularly blasting out high pitched arias during dinner dates. I like to think they respect me for it.
Explore what fun means to you. Besides your staid interests and hobbies, what new activities might you try together? Find something that you both have not done before. Try sky diving together- maybe you will both hate it. Or love it. I know a couple who tried bird watching on a fluke and found it was a passion for them both.
Put the sensual into unexpected places. Take pleasure in surprising your partner. Ask yourself, what is something that my partner would never expect from me? Perhaps for years you've described yourself as artistically inept. Take up painting. Or you rely on sexy lingerie for those special evenings. Start wearing old man pajamas. You never know what your partner will find exciting.
Fun in a relationship. It is so important